The Love I Chose
Jacob/Bella New Moon It took so much of her to love him. When everything schemes against them, will he betray that love? A request from Becka Swan. banner by iris, my favoritest fellow fangirl.
This is angsty. Jacob/Bella, even though I'm team Edward. Anyway... review. I don't withhold chapters for reviews, but it really is a great motivational tool.
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“Jake. Listen. I need to tell you something,” I whisper.
We are sitting in the garage, listening to the rain fall on the tin roof. The sound is like pins cascading into plastic.
“What is it, honey?” he replies.
“Look. The reason I brought you the motorcycles… when he left, I promised him I’d stay safe. And he promised me he wouldn’t hurt me anymore. Stupidest thing I ever heard. He broke that promise while he was making it. So I decided I would break my promise too. That’s why I came here… and then, when we ride the bikes… I hear his voice, Jake. Like he’s trying to keep me safe.”
He looks at me, sad. “That’s why you come here?”
“No! At first, maybe, but you’re the only one who keeps me human, Jake. I need you so much… I can’t do it without you. Can… I know you said… Jacob, will you go out with me?” It was an awkward, stupid, phrasing, but I was desperate. I had to claim him. I had to make him mine so I wouldn’t be alone.
Jake raises one hand and strokes my face. His touch burns sweetly. “Oh, Bella. I love you.”
Then he takes the other hand and places it on the other side. I can’t breathe, can’t think. It shouldn’t be him. Shouldn’t. I’m a traitor. To whom? To myself. Not to Edward. He doesn’t care.
Wait… that was his name. And it didn’t hurt.
Forever is never coming back…
Jacob presses his lips to mine, so gentle and sweet, and I find myself kissing him back. The hole shrinks. I feel myself become, not whole, but better. I am Jacob’s now. Of course, my heart is Edward’s, will always be his, but I can be Jacob’s at least a little. I can give him a few of the shattered pieces. Yet I need to make it clear that is all I have.
“Jacob, one more thing. I can’t… I’m sorry, but I don’t have my heart. It’s not mine, it’s his, and I can’t give it to you. It’s not the same love I gave him… he didn’t give that back. I do love you, really, but I need you. I need you to keep me sane, keep me whole. I will try to love you. I just don’t feel right, to take your love without telling you you’ll never have all of mine.”
“Don’t worry. Thank you. You love me enough to live without him, Bella. That’s more than enough,” he replies, smiling my smile, warming my soul. I grin at him.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you,” I reply, and discover that it is the truth. I have what I need to survive. I have the sun, to balance out the darkness of that empty sky my life has become.
We sit side by side in silence. Suddenly, the grin that is like air to me spreads across his face. “Hey, Bells?”