The Love I Chose
Jacob/Bella New Moon It took so much of her to love him. When everything schemes against them, will he betray that love? A request from Becka Swan. banner by iris, my favoritest fellow fangirl.
This is angsty. Jacob/Bella, even though I'm team Edward. Anyway... review. I don't withhold chapters for reviews, but it really is a great motivational tool.
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Jake holds my hand softly, gently, tenderly. It is very different from the fervid tenor of his kisses, the way he holds my hand.
I like it. It has not changed since we crossed the boundary of friendship, but it is still a comfort.
“I love you.”
They are words I say often. Mostly it is to convince myself they are true. Jake doesn’t mind.
“I love you too.”
Suddenly, he spins to face me. “Bells, I gotta tell you something.”
I feel that same sense I did the day Edward left, as we walked together for the last time.
I struggle to breathe. He sees the agony on my face.
“I told you what imprinting is, right? When I explained about being a werewolf?”
I look at him, into the face I have made mine. Second best, yes, but still more than what I deserve. Still more than enough for me.
“God. Bella, I don’t know how to say it. I don’t know how to say this. Bells, I imprinted.”
He stares unseeing at the ground. My heart stops. My brain weeps. The hole in my chest tears wide open and tears flow.
“No. No not you too no. Please no, God no. Please no. No. No. I’ll do anything but no, no, don’t let it be true, don’t let it be real, don’t let him leave me no. No, no. Don’t do this to me…”
My moment of hysteria passes. I am hyper focused, hyper calm. Only one thing matters, and that is devouring as much of his fiery warmth as I can before I am exiled again to the lonesome cold.
“You don’t know her… Edith Peller.”
It is an old name. I hate it with a sudden passion. I don’t want to be alone. Please, don’t make it be true…
“Bella, I’m so sorry. If there were anything I could do to make it not have happened, I would. I can see that look on your face, the emptiness. I love you.”
“No you don’t. You don’t. No one’s ever loved me. That’s why they keep leaving me.”
The anger was never there when I thought of Edward, but Jake was so much realer. So much more touchable, holdable. I could be angry at Jacob. He was mine. He wanted me, and I worked so hard to give him myself.
And now he was leaving me and the world was over again.
He was staring at me intently. Like he was trying to make a choice. There is pain in that gaze.
“God, Bells. I love you. And I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to pretend like nothing happened. I’m going to stay right here, with the love I chose, because I said anything I could do, and this is it. I can do this. I love you.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Bella, Edith is ninety-seven. I’m going to be a good friend to her. But I’m going to be a good love to you. Right here, Bells. I’m staying right here.”
“Yeah. I was volunteering at a nursing home and…”
His eyes grow distant.
“Oh. I love you.”
He smiles. “I love you too. There is no way to measure how much.”