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The Love I Chose

Summary:
Jacob/Bella New Moon It took so much of her to love him. When everything schemes against them, will he betray that love? A request from Becka Swan. Image Hosted by ImageShack.us banner by iris, my favoritest fellow fangirl.


Notes:
This is angsty. Jacob/Bella, even though I'm team Edward. Anyway... review. I don't withhold chapters for reviews, but it really is a great motivational tool.


3. Talk

Rating 5/5   Word Count 548   Review this Chapter

Enough. Enough.

God.

Let him love me enough.

He can’t, though. I understand what he’s said of imprinting. It is not something you can choose to do without it…

Age is no barrier. He will not choose me. He can’t choose me.

So I will be alone again.

There is no choice. There is no chance. It isn’t Jake’s fault.

But I tried so hard, Jake. I tried so hard and I did it.

And now I have to do without?

Why?

It isn’t Jacob I rail against. It’s fate. I cannot blame either of the ones I’ve loved for taking that love away. It’s God or fate or something that I loathe. Why me? Why give me so much and then take it all away?

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make happy.

And I was so happy.

With Edward.

Everything, everything I never wanted, he gave me. I didn’t even trust myself enough to want him.

Why did I let myself fall in love with him?

Because it hurts so much, now that he doesn’t love me. That was a stupid choice.

But Jake, Jake was a good pick. A nice boy, better than good enough. Second best, maybe, but better than I could ask for, better than I could hope for. Edward I always suspected never loved me. Jake, I knew, did.

Or thought I knew.

Enough.

No one will ever love me enough.

I will never be enough.

There will never be enough for me.

My whole life will be broken and empty, empty, empty.

I can’t breathe.

My nightmares are staring me in the face, just waiting for sleep to come, but I don’t have to slumber for horrors to happen.

It’s only a matter of time before Jake gives up on me. He doesn’t love me best. He doesn’t want me, no one could want me.

Unloved and unlovable.

“Bella!”

I jump back. Then I realize that the voice outside my window is Jake.

“Hi.”

“Why are you crying?”

I didn’t even realize I was.

“You were worrying, weren’t you.”

It wasn’t a question. Jake knew me way too well.

“Yeah.”

“Why, Bells? Do you think I’m lying to you? I love you best, don’t you know that? Magic or none, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“But… I don’t expect you to. It’s not something you can fight.”

“It is. What kind of awful person would I have to be to do that to you? After everything it did to you when he left, after everything you went through to love me, you think I’d just throw it away? Don’t think that of me, Bella. Please don’t. You know I love you.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you love me?”

“No offense, Bells, but that’s a dumb question. I, first off, am not the only one. You’re beautiful and smart and self-sacrificing and so modest I begin to doubt the smart part sometimes.”

Hee, that rhymes. Smart part. “Thanks, Jake.”

“You’re welcome.”