Edward and Bella Encounter a Cow
Edward and Bella meet a cow written by NG and Fish
2. Jasper and the Cow
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1125 Review this Chapter
After a two hour drive due to the cow walking beside us, we finally returned home. The whole way Edward was staring at the cow with a frightened expression on his face. So we walked in the door and immediately Jasper rushed to us, eyes as black as coals.
"Finally!!! I'm starving!!" Jasper exclaimed, licking his lips.
"NOOOOOOOOO! JASPER YOU IDIOT!!!" I screamed, shoving Oom out the door so Jasper couldn't get to him.
"What?" Jasper demanded. "I hungry. Cow food. I eat food."
"No Oom is not food!" I yelled punching Jasper in the chest repeatedly. Just then Jasper burst out laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha! You... name cow Oom! Ha ha ha ha!" Jasper managed to gasp out between giggles. For the record that comment offended me.
"Oom is our new pet cow." I said trying to ignore Jasper's constant spurts of laughter whenever he looked toward it.
"Wha?" Jasper exclaimed in horror, finally snapping out of caveman mode. "We can't keep a cow as a pet! I will end up eating it!"
"Well too bad cause Oom is staying here!!" I snapped. I barely heard Edward whisper behind me don't argue!!! I flipped around and gave him the "Bella is pissed off so you better run, fool" look.
"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! You don't DARE question us keeping Oom. Kapeesh?" I shouted angrily.
"Bu-but I didn't!!" Edward stammered.
"Does it look like I care?" I hollered "WE ARE KEEPING OOM!!!!!!"
"Okay Bella." Edward said attempting to calm me down. "I think Oom is a wonderful cow. Now lets go see if we can find a place to keep him"
"Are you saying it will be hard to find a place for Oom?" I demanded.
"No, no! I just thought we could do it together... and stuff." Edward exclaimed.
"Oh. Okay then!" I said slipping back into "Bella is happy so it is safe to approach" mode. "Now Jasper we- Were is Jasper?" I said finding when I turned back around, he was gone. We heard a loud yell from his room.
"If you need me I will be in my room. Where it is safe. With the door locked." Jasper called down. Edward looked at me and smiled as we walked off to find Oom a place to stay, not realizing that we had left him.
Once I had escaped to the safety of my room, I locked the door, so that Bella and her cow couldn't get in. I sighed and started to work on organizing my toaster collection, which held my secret Barbie collection inside. As I took out Angelina Jolie and Kate Hudson (yes, I name my Barbies after celebrities. Is that so weird?) to brush their hair, I heard a loud moo from behind me.
I spun around with vampire speed, and found myself face to face with Bella's scary cow, Oom.
My eyes widened as I backed up to protect Angelina and Kate. I could sense the cow emmitting an emotion of mixed amusement and smugness. I stared at him, and he stared back. The cow had a look on his face that said, wait until Alice finds out.
"You won't tell anyone, will you?" I asked desperately. If anyone found out about my secret, I'd die a harsh and unforgiving death.
The cow sort of shrugged, and sent me a look that said you owe me bigtime, sucker.
"I'll do whatever you want! Do you want to play Barbies?"
The cow emitted an emotion of pure joy. He lumbered over and grabbed Kate Hudson out of my hands with his mouth.
"No! I want to be Kate!" I exclaimed. The cow narrowed his eyes and shook his head, Kate's hair flying everywhere. I winced.
"Okay okay," I surrendered. Soon I learned that a cow was very good at playing Barbies. Oom was able to prop Kate up with his nose and made little high-pitched rich girl noises.
We were having a lot of fun until I heard sounds of Bella and Edward returning home. Alice was now with them too. I gasped as I realized she was emitting an emotion of glee. She knew!!!!!
I quickly stashed the Barbies in there specified toasters, and spun aroung, finding that Oom had dissapeared. Oddly, the door was still locked.
Looking as innocent as possible, I sat down on my couch and picked up a copy of Macho Magazine.
While I waited for the interrogation, I used my super vampire hearing to tune in to what they were saying.
"Have you ever licked a battery?" Bella asked. Lick.. a battery? I thought. Maybe they forgot about my Barbie's...
"Bella honey." Edward said slowly with an emotion of concern. "I don't think you are supposed to lick them."
"Oh it really hurts. I do it all the time" Bella exclaimed. Why Edward chose Bella, I don't know.
"Bella's gone emo! Bella's gone emo!" Alice sang in a singsongy voice. "But are you forgeting our real mission?" Shit.
"Yes! we must move onward to the lair of the toaster/Barbie collector!" Bella stated. I could hear a faint smack of the head. Bet that was Edward.
My heartbeat sped up- no wait. I don't have a heart. I watched as my lock clicked open and for awhile, considered jumping out my window.
Suddenly, Oom crashed through the door and stared at me, saying I apologize, but it was for your own good.
Alice came in first. She giggled and said, "Jasper what's in your toasters?"
"Um... toast. But you can't look in it yet, cause it is not done." I stammered, proud of myself for making up such a good excuse.
Next Edward walked in. He stared at me for a while and then shook his head.
"Dude... Barbies? That's so not cool." Edward stated.
Finally Bella pranced in.
"Hehe looky Edward! Oom was right!" Bella said with glee hugging Oom.Traitor!!! I thought.
"Aww Oom your such a smart little cow!" Bella cooed. "Thanks for telling us what crazy Uncle Jasper has been up to!" Oom looked at me and smiled.
"Ugggh! Stupid cows ruin everything!!!!! I have now proclaimed them my least favorite animal." I growled. Bella gasped and walked over to me, smacking me upside the head.
"Jasper you bad bad little vampire!" Bella yelled. "Oom is internally weeping right now! And guess who's fault it is???"
"Uh.. global warming?" I asked.
"NO STUPID, ITS YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bella screamed. "NOW WALK OVER TO OOM AND-"
"Bella, I'll take it from here." Alice said soothingly. "Jasper and I need to discuss his priorities."
She ushered Edward, Bella, and Oom into the hallway, and settled down for a long talk.
I learned a valuble life lesson today. If you're a guy, don't play with Barbies. It's just not cool.