Edward and Bella Encounter a Cow
Edward and Bella meet a cow written by NG and Fish
3. Oom Gets Lost
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 1456 Review this Chapter
I stared at Oom, who was concentrating very hard at the scrabble board before him. After minutes, he lifted his hoof and placed a single piece on the board.
“Aww Oom!! You won again! You are such a smart little cow!” I cooed. “And you even spelled Chickfila! Whatever that means...” I reached over to give him a big hug as he grinned a big, goofy, cow-like grin. Sort of like when he ate Jasper’s Barbie....
As Oom and I were having our “moment”, Edward burst into the room franticly. He stopped short at the sight of our little embrace and mumbled something that sounded like Why do I always fall for the ones with mental issues?
“Bella honey, I can’t find my –wait... are you guys playing scrabble??” Edward stated, confused.
“Yup! And my sweetie wittle Oom won again!” I said, gleefully. Oom glanced at Edward smugly with a look that said Ha! Sucker! Don’t you wish this was you? He just glared back and looked down, studying the board.
“Is Chickfila even a word?” Edward questioned. Oom looked up at him and nodded.
“Ok, well anyway, back to the reason I came down.” Edward stammered “I can’t find my favorite cashmere sweater anywhere!!” He began tossing up random items in a frenzied search.
“Oh my god!” I screeched, jumping up. “You mean the one I got you for your birthday with the kitty on it????” I joined in on his tearing down the living room, completely forgetting about my beloved Oom. Every corner of the living room was either tossed to the ground or in a big pile.
“What are we going to do??” Edward cried. “I need that sweater!” He sat down on the overturned couch and rocked back and forth, sucking his thumb.
“We have to.... wait where is Oom???” I said, unsteadily.
“Oh he wandered off a little bit ago. Probably off to bother Jasper.” Edward said calming my increasing frantics. I nodded, and we both rushed off to find the precious sweater.
I walked around the Cullen house with nothing to do after Bella and Edward ran off in a hurry. I wonder if they were going to reproduce... Jasper had locked his door again, so we couldn’t hang out today. Alice and Rosalie were out shopping and I had no idea where Emmett was, though I don’t like him much any way so that didn’t matter.
I sighed and turned on the TV. There was a McDonald’s commercial on with a deep man’s voice saying “Thick, juicy burgers with dairy fresh cheese and steamy buns”. Disgusted, I flipped the evil contraption off, wondering what terrible things they were teaching children these days. Some humans were horribly sick. Good thing my Bella only ate chicken. I hate chickens.
After I’d decided there was nothing to do inside, I wandered out to the front lawn. The outside was boring too. I sighed, concluding that I needed more friends. Just then, I briefly recalled Edward and Bella talking about someone named Jacob. Maybe I’ll go find him.
I was idly patrolling a border watching out for those stinky leeches, when a cow appeared in front of me out of thin air. I skidded to a halt, terrified as the cow opened his mouth to start speaking.
Wow this guy is a wolf. I didn’t know Bella was friends with a wolf. Oh well, at least he’s not a chicken.
“Hi! I’m Oom,” I told Jacob. He jumped back and stared at me with wide eyes.
“I’m friends with Bella. She saved me from those freaky aliens who run around making crop circles and abduct cows and rip out their intestines and stuff. Actually, we are more than friends. We are in love! She is so pretty and nice and stuff! We’re gonna get married and have little cow babies. Wouldn’t that be great? The only problem is Edward doesn’t know so make sure not to tell him, ok?” Jacob continually stared at me
“Well I have to go know, so bye!” I said happily. Hmm..... I think that Jacob kid is a little weird.
.... Goddamn cow!!!
After I left that boring wolf dude, I went into town to wreak havoc. Luckily, the fair was in town. So I asked some unsuspecting bystander for directions and headed toward it.
I guess it was “Cows get in free day” because the ticket taker didn’t ask me for a ticket. All he did was stare at me with his mouth wide open. As I quickly got in line for the Ferris wheel, my favorite ride, random people were pointing and giggling at me, bewildered to see a cow at the fair. I could hear cameras going off and people whispering to each other, but just ignored them and waited patiently for the ride.
When I finally got to the front of the line and got on the ride, everyone fell into a shocked silence, except for one loser who started shouting his head off.
“You’re letting a cow on the ride? It’s just a stupid animal!” he shouted at the pimply teenager at the control panel. I glared at that stupid loser and to show off my intelligence, I pulled out my copy of Wuthering Heights and started reading it. The crowd oohed and ahhed, but the shouting loser continued ranting.
“It’s not reading! It’s just looking at the letters! Animals can’t read!” He insisted. I rolled my eyes, picking up a stick and I scratched in the dirt: “Some people should shut up, because others are trying to enjoy the rides.” The people around us applauded and crowded around to read my wonderful words. The jerk who tried to get me thrown off the ride just stood there gaping at the writing. Ha, serves him right.
I boarded the Ferris wheel and happily enjoyed 5 rotations. When I got off, even more people were gathered around what I had written, snapping pictures and yelling for more people to come see it. As I left the park, I smiled to myself, utterly pleased.
“I FOUND IT!” I cried happily, pulling Edward’s sweater out of its hiding place in the fridge. Edward was at my side in a second.
“Hooray!” he yelled, giving me a crushing hug.
“We better go tell Oom!” I said, “OOM! WHERE ARE YOU?” There was no responsive moo. “OOM!” I tried again. “Oom?” No answer. I franticly grabbed Edward’s arm.
“Where’s Oom?!!?” I gasped.
“Let’s check Jasper’s room,” he replied, trying to stay calm.
“He’s not in here,” Jasper called down.
“Aaaaaaaaaah!” I wailed, falling to the floor sobbing. “Oom! My little Oom is lost in the world with no one to love him! He’s probably cold and wet and sick!”
“We can always follow his scent, Bella,” Edward reminded me.
“Yes! Edward you are a genius!” I cried, relieved.
“Climb on,” He told me, crouching down so I could climb onto his back. I hopped on and grabbed his shirt like reins.
“Mush!” I shouted happily.
“I’m not a dog,” Edward growled, indignantly.
“Okay, giddy up!” I shouted, just as happily.
“Tell me again why I fell in love with you,” he teased.
“Cause I’m awesome!” I teased back. Edward shook his head and took off running. He stopped a few minutes later, uneasy.
“He crossed into the Quileutte territory,” Edward told me.
“I could go look for him,” I offered
“No. Not with your track record,” Edward insisted firmly.
“Well then what do we do?” I demanded, crossing my arms. Suddenly, Emmett appeared out of nowhere.
“Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!” Emmett cried, hopping up and down with his hand raised in the air.
“Um, what?” I asked, confused.
“Try looking at Chick-fil-a!” He exclaimed, and then disappeared.
“Well, I suppose this is what you’d call a lead,” Edward said.
“To Chick-fil-a!” I cried. “Onward, my noble steed!” Edward snorted, but took off anyway. When we reached the restaurant, I jumped off and crashed through the doors.
A loud moo welcomed me.
“OOM!” I screamed joyously. He was standing on two legs behind a cash register. Scrambling over annoyed customers, I rushed to Oom and embraced him in a hug.
“Awwww Oom you scared Bella to death!” I cooed “Don’t ever do that again!” Oom mooed and gave me an appreciative lick.
“You got a job at Chick-fil-a, my smart wittle boy!” I said gleefully. “But we need to get home now, okay?”
Oom nodded and walked back out the door on four legs and I jumped on his back.
“Onward, noble steed!” I cried.
“I’ve been replaced,” Edward muttered, smiling.