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Girl Stuff Nearly Gets Bella Killed

Certain human (female human) issues plague Bella, humourous misunderstandings abound.


1. Chapter One

Rating 5/5   Word Count 3386   Review this Chapter

Bella POV

Chapter 1:

I woke with a start, feeling as if, even in sleep, I had been worrying. But it took me a few seconds to realize what I had been subconsciously dreading. I opened my eyes, finally, and the first part of my fear was confirmed. Edward was sitting in the rocking chair across from me, reading a battered paperback novel from my bookcase. He smiled up at me, and in the rush of joy and contentment that he filled me with, my brain stopped its trite worries. Then he spoke, and the sound of liquid silk shook me from my trance.

'Good morning, Bella' he said, flashing his glorious, crooked smile. I realized that Charlie must have been gone already, because he hadn't bothered to keep his voice down.

My worries flooded back into the forefront of my head as i realized that Charlie wasn't the only reason Edward couldn't be here.

'Edward...hi. What...what day is it?' he looked confused at that.

'Saturday, love, why?'

'No...I mean what day of the month?' I said, my voice ringing with an urgency that he clearly didn't miss

'It's the 27th, Bella you're worrying me, what's wrong? Did you have plans for today that you'd forgotten about?'

'Yes...well, no...well...plans to be far, far away from you, actually.' I admitted. I didn't want him to leave, but he shouldn't even be here now. I could tell that it hadn't started yet, but my periods had always been like clockwork, a it would be starting very soon. I had been having such a good time with Edward all week that I'd misjudged the amount of time I had to explain and prepare him for the three-to-four-day separation that was now upon us.

He looked at me, hurt etched across his perfect features. I wished I could explain to him, but this was one thing that there was no way I could talk about.

'I..no, Edward, it's not what you think. How could you even think I don't want you around me? This past week has been the best of my life. I just...would you just trust me? You need to leave right now, it's not safe, you being here. Call me, when you get home...and I'll try to explain the best I can.'

He still just stared at me. He looked as though he thought I was trying to break up with him without hurting his feelings. Then something registered in his mind.

'Not...safe? Bella what's wrong? what's new from the time you went to sleep last night? I've been here the whole time, nothing dangerous has gone near you! Well, besides me...is that it? you've finally come to your senses and realized I'm dangerous?'

I sighed. I hated to hurt him, but this was so hard to explain. I blushed at the thought of just telling him outright. There was no way I could.

'Edward...no, or course not. We both know that I'm never going to smarten up in that respect.' I tried flashing him a smile, but failed.

'Edward, I know that it's easier for you to be around me, lately, but would you say you'd trust yourself around me if I had a cut, or something? If the smell of my blood was more intense, not just inside my body?' I hoped I was making sense.

'No, but Bella, how could you have woken up with a cut that I haven't even noticed? You're not making any sense!'

'Okay Edward, I don't think I'm going to be able to explain this very well, so I'll give you the basics of it. There will be blood. My blood. A fair bit of it. Soon. I don't know how much time I have, but it's not much. You need to stay far, very far, away from me, until I call you and tell you it's okay to come back. It'll be a few days. If you come back before I tell you it's okay...it won't be good.'

He looked shocked and upset, so I added,

'I'm not in danger, I promise you that much. I'll be completely fine as long as you stay away. And your family, too, of course. I guess I'll have to explain this all to you one day...maybe Rosalie or Esme will think to, actually...no, they haven't had to worry about this for decades...anyway, Edward, you need to go now. And promise me you won't worry, and you won't come back.'

'I...yes Bella, whatever you think is...but how can you say that a lot of your blood is going to be spilled and you'll be fine? What started all this? You were fine last night! The only thing I can think is that you had some sort of dream that's leading you to..hurt yourself, in some way. But that's-'

'Edward, I'm not going to hurt myself. No one's going to hurt me. And I knew about this last night, I've been worried about it all week, I just forgot about it...but you have to leave RIGHT now, I can't risk you being here when it starts. Promise me you won't come back, Edward. Promise me!'

'Yes, Bella, whatever you want...I promise. I'll call you from home. can you promise me something in return? Promise me that you're telling the truth, that you are 100% safe.'

'I promise you, Edward. If I was in danger, I'd want you with me, selfish as that is.'

Then I laughed a little bit, and he stared at me incredulously. 'It's just that, even if you were a normal human boy, you probably would not want to be ANYWHERE near me if you knew what the issue was. Actually, I'm sort of surprised that you haven't figured it out yet...you say you've been to medical school...anyway, GO!'

And he leaped from my window and ran off into the rainy morning, a trace of hurt still apparent on his bewildered, perfect face.

Chapter 2:

I sank onto my bed, relieved. Of course, I still felt the urge to pout because he was gone, but I was happy that he wouldn't have to face the pain and temptation that I would feel so awful for causing him. Stupid human female problems. I knew that vampires wouldn't have these issues, and now I had another thing to envy them for.

I slouched off to the kitchen and my first spoonful of cereal was halfway to my mouth when the phone rang. I lifted it off its cradle gingerly, as if it was a bomb. I had no idea what I was going to tell Edward.

It stunned me when the voice emanating from the phone was gruff and friendly, instead of the concerned silk I had been ready for. I stared at the phone for a second, as if i had never seen such a device in my life. Then my practical side kicked in and I nearly shouted into the mouthpiece, afraid that Charlie would hang up. 'Yeah, sorry, hey dad!' I exclaimed, still a little disoriented that I was not talking to my vampire.

'Bella? I was about to hang up, why didn't you answer me?' Oh. So I hadn't gotten away with my little stupor, then.

'Well, I sort of ran down the stairs to get the phone, and I tripped, and knocked the phone off the hook, and..what's up dad?' I tried to divert his attention from my pathetic excuse. I really was curious, though. Since when did my dad call me when he was supposed to be fishing?

'Well, hon, I'm down at La Push, me and Billy are going fishing right away, but he invited us to come down for dinner tonight. I know you said you were spending the day with Edward'-he said the name with a hint of disapproval, I had been spending a LOT of time with him and his family all of a sudden-'but of course he could come too.'

I thought this was very generous of him, but I almost couldn't help but laugh. The tension that must have been in the air on the other end of the line! Edward and Carlisle had explained to me how the Cullens could not simply wander on down to La Push for a barbeque on a whim. I knew all about the old werewolf legends, and how they had actually had some truth to them. I couldn't help but mentally call the La Push crowd 'werewolves', now, even though the Cullens assured me that they weren't wolves anymore.

I wondered whether I would even be welcome down there, being practically joined at the hip to their hated Cold Ones, now. Charlie had said that we were invited, that had to count for something. I had a feeling that Billy would be adamantly trying to sabotage my relationship with Edward, but on the other hand, a night 'out' might make me feel a bit better about having to be away from Edward. I realized that Charlie was still waiting for an answer.

'Sorry dad, I'm sort of out of it, I only just woke up. No, I'm not spending the day with Edward, he has some stuff to do, so I actually won't be seeing him over the next few days. And yeah, sure thing. What time should I head down there?...mhm...okay...and that's a left after crossing the river?...mhm...thought so. Thanks dad, have fun fishing. '

After I hung up, I sank to the kitchen floor and started panicking. I'd just committed to going out tonight! All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and mope, and maybe get lost in a ridiculous novel.

As i felt tears of frustration well up in my eyes, I finally grasped that I was being ridiculous. Of course I understood now what was causing me to overreact so strongly. Understanding did nothing to calm me, instead it sent me into an unreasonable rage.


I kicked the garbage can, causing it to fall over. I almost laughed then, for some reason. Until a volley of wet coffee grounds and gooey eggshells tumbled out onto the linoleum. That sent me into hysterics, of course.

Then I noticed that the kitchen window had been open during my little rant, and that just made me panic and blush. As I cleaned up the mess from the garbage, tears rolling down my cheeks, I muttered in my angriest tone: 'Stupid idiot bloodsucker- Bella's so perfect, Bella you're so fearless and great and calm about the whole vampire thing! You're unbelievable! - I wish he could see his perfect Bella now! And that thought made me start to laugh again, my giggles soon melting back into sobs.

By the time the phone rang, I was crying hysterically, simply because my cereal had gone soggy.

Edward POV

Chapter 3

As I sprinted into the house, I could immediately tell that there was only one member of my family was present. Jasper was upstairs, sulking somewhat. The rest of the family had gone to Seattle yesterday, and they were staying for three more days. Rosalie and Alice had decided on a monumental shopping spree, and Esme had tagged along good-naturedly.

I remembered Alice inviting Bella only a few days ago. Bella, seeing Rosalie's disparaging expression, had opted to stay home.

Emmett and Jasper were bored out of their minds in Forks, the prospect of an uneventful spring break looming, so they'd gone along for some car show or other. Carlisle, like Esme, had gone with them in order to spend some quality time with his family.

I'd turned down the invites of course, wanting nothing more for my spring break than to stay in Forks with Bella. And it looked as though I wasn't going to get my wish.

Jasper had been tentatively invited on the trip as well, but everyone knew he would decline dejectedly. He did not feel like he should test his boundaries as far as to spend a good part of the week immersed in seething crowds of humans, and no one liked the idea of him stuck in a hotel full of them all night.

I felt a twinge of sympathy flit through me as Jasper greeted me dully in his thoughts. Then he detected my panicked confusion and hurt. He was at at the bottom of the stairs in a second, watching me fearfully while he leaned against the banister and began forming theories.

'No, Jasper, Bella did not break up with me...yet. I'm not sure whether she will, to be honest. No, she's not hurt, exactly. Well, she wasn't clear on that, at all. She may be in danger...I didn't do anything to her! Don't give me that look!' I shouted, as he thought I must have said or done something very stupid to upset Bella.

I got up and grabbed the cordless landline, and had dialled the Swan residence before Jasper could come up with any coherent theories as to what I'd done to Bella.

Two things happened next, both of which shocked and confused me further.

First, Bella answered the phone with a very shaky 'Hello?', followed by a miserable sniffle.

Second, Jasper responded indignantly beside me, having heard what was undoubtedly a crying Bella.

'Is she CRYING? Edward, what did you do to Bella!? That's it, give me the phone!'

The human in question heard this little outburst, and went quiet. I stared at Jasper, and jealousy began forming like frost on a window, in my mind. He sensed this, and mentally blushed, cringing.
No! Of course not, Edward. That's seriously f***ed up, Edward. But I do care about her, am I not allowed to? You should know better than anybody that Bella brings out the protective nature of people. And I really do like her, who doesn't?

Okay, okay, but Rose is...Rose. She doesn't count. I'm still waiting to find out what you did to her, Edward! I can't take this! That's it, I'm getting on the other line.

Before I could respond, he was gone, and had picked up the upstairs phone. 'Hey Bella. So what did my idiot brother do?' he said, and I could tell he was calculating now, trying to make it clear to me that his intentions with Bella were strictly brotherly.

'Oh! Hey, hi Jasper! How are you?' I could almost hear the sudden smile on her lips, and I somehow sensed that she was blushing. This caused the jealousy to crystallize again, driving off the reasonable side of my mind. Jasper's next words were very cautious, almost as though he feared having his head ripped off if he encouraged her possible flirting. Almost.

'I'm fine...but I-we-were wondering what on earth is up with YOU.'

'Oh...Is Edward even there? He never responded when I said hello.' She sounded strangely hurt, as if she hadn't been the one to kick me out, not fifteen minutes ago.

'Yes, sorry Bella, I'm just a little confused here. Weren't you crying just now?' This was, apparently, the wrong thing to say. Because she started crying again.

'No! Well, yes. I'm so sorry! I have you worried, and now Jasper too.' I could hear his panicked thoughts, and realized that I was distressed too. What on earth was going on with this girl?

'No, Bella, it's alright. We just want to help you!' he said, and I could tell that he was frustrated that he could not simply wash waves of calm and contentment over her, as he could in person. Jasper and I shared that slight dislike for telephones; neither of our gifts could work that way.

'But it's not alright, and you can't help me!' she sobbed. I worried, again, for her safety. And possibly a bit for her sanity.

'Bella, love, what is it? Why can't you just tell me? I have no secrets from you!' I realized that I sounded quite like a pouty child. From Jasper's thoughts, I gathered that he half-expected me to stomp my foot and say 'But it's not faaaaiirrr!'

'I'm not telling you, and that's final! I really wish I could...and I probably should. I guess I'll have to, one day. But I wasn't planning on it anytime soon! God, I'm so stupid!'

'Whatever it is, it can't be that bad! I mean, if I react half as well as you did when you found out I was a vampire-'

'That's the point! If you all weren't stupid bloodsuckers then I wouldn't have to worry! But because you are, I instead have to spend the evening making small-talk with werewolves!'

That shocked us both.

'Bella, you don't mean-' asked Jasper cautiously

No, no, of course not! I just call them that. But you know what? Even if Jacob was an active werewolf, I'd be much safer around him than you two!' she snapped.

That hurt us both.

We'd thought she was fine with the vampire thing. I could tell that she was in a very dangerous mood, and I brushed that off as something she didn't really mean. But I still chose my next words carefully.

'Bella, what on earth is wrong with you that means you can't be around me, but can saunter off to LaPush on a whim?' That sounded like something I shouldn't have said. So I tried to cover it up, panicking.

'I mean, should you really be going anywhere in you..present...condition?' Whatever that is. I added mentally.

'Edward, I am not bedridden!' she snarled with such venom that I could hear Jasper shiver and lean away from the phone, upstairs.

'But you said..blood! Lots of blood!' I backtracked, terrified and more confused than ever.

'Not lots of blood, just enough that I shouldn't be spending the day with a monst -' her voice broke suddenly, and before I could inquire, she was crying. Again.

'Im being just awful to you two and you only wanted to help me! I'm the monster!' she sobbed.

Jasper had a sudden idea which I grasped at wholeheartedly.

'Bella, Jasper's going to get Alice on the phone, okay? She might be able to make some sense of-' I began, but she interrupted, panic-stricken.

'No, no, don't call Alice, don't call Ali-' but it was too late. A chipper voice greeted us, and I didn't even register that it was Alice. I just noted that it was female. And so it was the voice of an angel, the voice of hope. It was a woman- and maybe, just maybe this angel could save us from Bella's scary mood swings.