I love him, mother
After Renée finds out about Bella's and Edward's wedding plans, she boards the next flight to Seattle. Can she really talk Bella out of it, or will she learn to accept her decision? ** The forgotten epilogue is now out =D
This is my first fanfic... I hope you like it. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
6. Forgiveness is divine
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2587 Review this Chapter
Edward dropped me off at the motel after I had eaten my breakfast. I couldn’t get much down, though, as I was worried about the upcoming meeting with my mom. Our relationship was strained from all the fighting, and as much as I wished to put an end to it, I was scared. What if the damage was beyond repair?
Edward saw the fear in my eyes, which set his own anxiety off. But he knew as well as I did that this had to be done, preferably sooner than later. He kissed me swiftly, and then let me walk towards my downfall.
I bumped into Phil while entering the motel. Renée had probably sent him out when she’d seen me arrive through their room’s window.
Phil never remembered to use my nickname. I figured he wasn’t interested enough to care. He and I had never really gotten along, though we never fought. We simply endured each other; he minded his own businesses, and I mine.
He rushed passed me without saying another word. Forks hadn’t found a place in his heart, so it seemed.
Hesitantly, I walked up the flight of stairs that led to my mother’s room. Still considering just turning around and leaving, I paused before knocking at the door, which was already open, however, and I was forced to walk straight in.
Renée was sitting cross-legged on the bed. Her eyes were swollen, presumably from crying all night, and she was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. She looked downright miserable.
I closed the door behind me, but didn’t go any further into the room. Renée didn’t approach me, either, and we looked at each other for a very long moment before she finally burst into tears.
I, too, couldn’t hold myself back any longer, and we both fell into each other’s arms, sobbing and soothing one another at the same time. We stayed like that for a couple minutes, of which every single one felt like an eternity.
And though no words were spoken, the most of our conversation happened there, in our crying fit. All the tension between us from the past days crashed down, the invisible wall between us toppled into a million pieces. Each blow of the stones hitting the ground hurt us, but we withstood it, and in the end all that was left was the gathering of the ruins.
“I’m… I’m… so sorry! Words can’t express how horrible I feel about yesterday. It was unforgivable of me to treat the Cullens that way.”
“And I’m sorry about lying to you. You have every reason never to trust me again, for as long as I live!”
“Because of one little lie that I caused you to utter? No, no, Bella. You didn’t lose my trust.”
“What you did wasn’t unforgivable either - If it weren’t for me, you’d not even be here. I know what your opinions on marriage are, but still I decided to do exactly what you fear the most. But I can’t cancel the wedding, Mom. It would crush Edward, even if he’d try very hard not to show it. And I want it, too…”
“I don’t approve.”
This made me cry again, and I turned my head away so Renée wouldn’t see the tears.
“Hear me out, Bella! I said I don’t approve of it, but did I say I didn’t accept your decision?”
My eyes widened in shock at these words. My mother, Renée, the biggest marriage antagonist on Earth, had just said that she would let me go through with my wedding?
“Wh-what? You understand why I want to do this?”
“No, not understand. I still think this is irresponsible of you and not the best way to start your adult life, but why should you be the only one to make compromises? You promised never to lie to me again; well, this is my promise to you. You will hear no more harsh words or opinions on this subject from me.”
It took me a while to grasp what she was saying.
My own mother would be there, at my wedding, smiling just like everyone else in the room. She would watch me marry the man of my dreams, and not scream at me throughout the process. Of course she didn’t like it, but just having her consent was enough, more than I could have wished for.
And I could step into eternity with a light heart.
“Mom! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea what this means to me! I tried imagining you not there, and it was unbearable…”
“My only daughter is getting married - how could I not be there? Edward is a fine, young lad, even if his ways are a little… old-fashioned, I must say. If someone can make you happy, it’ll be him.”
New tears were rolling down my cheeks now, as well as hers. But these weren’t tears of sadness and desperation anymore - they were tears of joy.
We both found ourselves laughing, out of relief more than anything else. Hugging each other, we sat there for a while, relishing the peace that finally lay between us.
“And you know what, Mom?”
“Alice will love to have your help for the wedding planning.”
And so we laughed the whole evening, coming up with new ways to escape Alice’s enthusiasm.
Three days later, the sun peeked out from under the almost permanent layer of clouds in the sky. It was warm, warm enough for my summer clothes that had been in the farthest corner of my closet for my entire stay at Forks.
I loved the feeling of warm air brushing my ankles that weren’t covered by boots this time, the cold touch of Edward’s arms on my bare legs, and the wind blowing on my, for once exposed, shoulders.
He was running through the forest with me on his back. The damp air multiplied the effect of the sun’s heat, and if I closed my eyes I could easily imagine myself on some tropical island in the south. But when I tried that exercise, I realized I already was where I wanted to be most on that day - heading for the meadow with my very own vampire.
In my hand I carried an envelope. Edward’s eyes wandered to it every now and then, though he tried very hard to conceal the movement. He didn't want me to see the true extent of his curiosity.
The thin paper of the envelope hid my gift to him.
I had worked on it intensively for the past few days. Edward had been sent out every night before bedtime, so I could concentrate fully on the task at hand. The result pleased me fairly well, and I hope with all my might that Edward would like it, too. He certainly seemed very curious.
Amazingly, he hadn’t figured it out yet. I thought it was pretty obvious, now that I had come up with it. It was exactly what he always said he wanted, what I refused to fully give him over and over again.
We had reached our meadow by now, and I got off his back. Edward twirled me around abruptly and stared into my eyes.
“What did you get me?”
I smiled. The suspense was driving him crazy, I could tell. I had never seen his eyes sparkle as strongly as they did now, nor the impatient expression he was wearing. His mouth was twisted into a half-tortured smile, not from physical pain, but from eagerness that he was trying very hard to suppress.
“You didn’t look into Alice’s mind again, then, did you?”
“No. And I regret it now.”
Edward was acting like a little boy before receiving his birthday present. I swear - If I hadn’t known Edward better than this, I would have been waiting for him to start bouncing up and down.
“Well, you’re going to have to work a little to get it.”
I wasn’t playing fair, but I was having way too much fun to care.
“Bella! You’ll be the death of me one day, I swear you will…”
“That’s highly unlikely, I would say.”
He groaned. I was enjoying myself; he, not so much.
“What do I need to do?”
I didn’t have to wait much longer. Suddenly, Edward’s lips were on mine, kissing me with passion I had never felt before. No, that passion had always been there - now Edward just surrendered to it, at least to some measure. I brought my tongue out, willing to taste his fragrance in my mouth, and to my great surprise, Edward’s tongue met mine. It was stone hard, as expected, but the flavor was better than I had ever dared to dream - sweet, intoxicating…
The kiss lasted for quite long, but it still felt like too short for me. His tongue had kept me away from his inner mouth, which was full of the venomous teeth he so often warned me about, and I imagined some unexplored cave, an opening to something mysteriously compelling. One day I was going to venture inside. But it would have to wait.
“So… you want your gift?”
Edward didn’t say a word, but looked at me with pleading eyes.
I handed him the envelope. He carefully ripped it open, and took out the pieces of paper folded inside.
Many evenings I have rested in your arms, wondering what I was going to give you. There seemed to be nothing in the world that could make a suitable gift. For you, my love, deserve more than I could ever give you.
So I asked myself: What do you want? What do you need? And then I remembered what you always say you long for. It is so simple, yet so precious for the both of us, and I know you will cherish this as much as I do.
Please understand that I would never be sharing this with anyone but you. Only you, my beloved Edward, I feel safe enough around with. You found your way into my heart long ago, and now I am finally raising the curtain to show you my insides, my soul, my thoughts.
Yes, Edward. These are my thoughts.
Unedited, undisguised, plain for you to see.
Remember that afternoon, at lunch in Forks High?
When I looked over to you first, you just looked by,
Your very presence entranced me; put me under spell,
Your attributes of pure beauty that I now know so well.
With bronze hair, all ruffled up, I so wished I could stroke!
With features flawless like the stars, it takes less to provoke!
And your eyes, your angel’s eyes, shining bright from deep within,
A spirit still mysterious, a puzzle to sink in!
And then we met, as fate wanted, in that crowded room,
Our eyes met for a moment, and that was then my doom,
Black as coal, you stared at me, I did not believe true,
Whatever had I done that day, to infuriate you?
Your eyes had lightened up, when I saw you the next time,
I heard your angelic voice, like a twinkle, a wind chime,
And though you did your very best, there’s no fooling me,
There was something special in you, I could clearly see.
The many weeks, the many hours, always slowly seemed to pass,
My mind sought for my savior, my friend. My lover? Not a chance.
Why would someone like you, my dear, love me, a silly commoner?
Surely my pain is just one-sided, of course you have another.
But we grew close, as I wanted, but there was a missing piece,
How could you keep a secret from me, how could our love unleash?
I observed your stance, your speed, your strength, I knew I could uncover,
The mystery between us, so you could be my lover.
The tribe’s amazing stories are what showed me the real truth,
I admit I was a little scared, but I still wanted proof.
A beast is what they call you, what if they were right?
No, I would not stay away; I could not win that fight.
Physically you are a monster, with instincts for the kill,
But in your mind you are a human, able to fall ill,
Sick with love, with passion, with trust,
What matters the bloodlust?
So no, you are not Heathcliff, the cruel demon set for misery,
You are an angel in your heart, the outside props just there to see,
The shallow way you regard yourself is finally wearing thin,
For you are truly good, you see, underneath your skin!
And now I ask myself this: Why are you here with me?
Why did you stay for dinner, and not just for the tea?
Why do I detect no false note in your tales of love?
And why am I the princess in them, the one you want most of all?
Yes, Edward, that is what I think. You are good. Please see that.
When I’m lost in thought by your side, it’s you I’m thinking about. When I drift to sleep in your arms at night, it’s you I’m dreaming about. Every thought ends up by you, whether I want it or not.
And I want it. Forever.
I hope you see how uninteresting my thoughts really are now. I’m sure you’d get quite bored, hearing about yourself all the time.
I love you.
I’m sure Edward looked at my poem for longer than he really needed to. His face was glowing with joy, and he looked like he would be shaking if he weren’t an always so graceful vampire.
My own heart swelled with joy, too - he liked the gift, I could tell.
Finally, he looked up at me.
What? Edward was speechless?
“…that was… beautiful.”
Suddenly, he was all over me, his hands in my hair, his mouth on mine… The moment was pure bliss. Better than my dream. Better than heaven, I’m sure. But all too soon, I was gasping for air and he was forced to let go of me.
While I tried to concentrate on my breathing again, Edward spoke, holding me close to his chest.
“Twenty years ago, Alice gave me a golden Rolex for Christmas. Carlisle got me a cruise later that decade, and Emmett a 1960 Aston Martini. Three years back, Esme bought me the piano that now stands in our front hall -“
I gasped. Apparently, the Cullens were very generous when it came to gifts. How could I ever keep up with multimillionaire vampires?
“- but this… This poem is the most beautiful, treasured item in my possession. Nobody, nobody, could come up with something like this except you. It’s exactly what I wanted, thank you. The charm, the ring, the CD… They all can’t compare. I’ll owe you forever. And we are definitely out of balance now - you are the heavy weight, and I’m just a sand grain holding on at the other side. No, don’t contradict, it's true…”
Smiling, I answered in a whisper, “I knew you would like it. But the forces of nature are pulling at us both, I would say. Maybe balance is already achieved?”
“You are the force of nature. Your gravity is holding me on earth.”
“Pah! You are the earth - I’m just your satellite, your moon.”
This little argument could have lasted quite a while, but it was interrupted by a kiss.
The sun was shining down on us, this time not mocking, but reflecting our emotions. Renée was on my team again, Edward had his gift, and I had him. Everything was all right. And whatever would happen in the future was meant to be.
And once more, fate was on my good side.