Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Procrastination

Summary:
Grrrr! Is anything ever gonna happen right for poor Bella? Every time she's close to being bitten, something goes wrong. How I pictured the scene in Breaking Dawn. If you want me to keep writing, just tell me. ProcrastinationBanner.jpg


Notes:
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters. It's all stephenie's wonderful work(and dreams...literally) . I'm just a fan *sniffle*


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2380   Review this Chapter

He leaned in, his cool sweet breath fanning across my shoulder, sending goose-bumps racing up my arm and across my neck. "Are you sure you want to do this?" His voice choked with pain.
His eyes were the warmest gold I'd seen, but they were drenched in terror. My insides twitched nervously, though it had nothing to do with the chance of him losing control.
There were plenty of other reasons, however. The pack of werewolves waiting for the moment for my heart to stop beating to start the gruesome war between my new family and my old friends --- including a werewolf I had loved and broken much too many times --- Jacob Black.
There was also the pain, the feeling of fire burning through my veins for three days. And then there was the fact I would be a bloodthirsty monster threatening to slaughter any humans within a mile radius.
I stared into the deep eyes that were watching every expression that passed involuntarily over my face.

"Yes." I whimpered softly.
"Bella." He pleaded with his eyes, his voice was shaking with stress. "Bella, just wait a little longer. You're not ready. I don't want to do this. I ---- I don't know what I would do if---"
I placed one hand on his cold cheek. He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath.
"I trust you. You can do this."
Edward opened his eyes slowly and let out his breath. "Bella, I don't want you to regret this. You don't have to-"
I cut him off. "Edward. I'm ready to start living my life. I want this. I'm ready."
I met his scorching stare and I couldn't breathe. I narrowed my eyes and looked down at my hands instead.
Mistake. Elizabeth Mason's ring---now mine--- drew my eyes to the third finger of my left hand. I watched the diamonds sit in the web of gold as I breathed evenly in and out.
When I finally looked up, I found Edward hunched over, head in his hands. I scooted myself across the edge of the bed towards him.
"It's okay." I breathed.
"No. This is the hardest thing I will ever do in my life. This is a mistake, I guarantee it." He whispered through his fingers.
I wrapped my arms around his cold neck. The words stung. I knew I was being ridiculous but the tears leaked from my eyes anyways. He felt the moisture against his granite skin and gently grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away from his hard side so he could study my face.
"Bella." He murmured, wiping my tears away with his smooth fingertips. I shook my head as far as his hands would allow. "Bella." He pressed his glassy lips to my forehead, then pulled me into his sculpted chest. "You know how much I love you. I know you believe I have a soul, but I can't gamble yours. I can't. I love you too much."
I looked up at him through watery eyes. "You promised." I accused weakly.
"I know. And I will keep that it Bella. I swear. I just -- need some time." He stumbled over the words, something rare for him.
I put my hands on either side of his face and leaned in till my face was inches from his.
"Edward. I gave my part of the bargain. I'm ready. Now."
His eyes searched mine, and he leaned forward and gently touched his lips to mine. I sighed, and curled up to his chest. I was content to spend a little more time with him, while I was still human, and the treaty wasn't broken. While I wasn't the blood thirsty monster that would kill Charlie or Renee if it had the chance.
I savored every second in his arms, saving it in my memory and what I hoped I could remember after the change. If I had enough morphine, if I wasn't in pain, would I be able to remember? I hoped so. I want to remember all the things I won't be able to see again. Jacob, for sure. Jacob, my personal sun, that I had taken, used, and thrown away like a dirty rag. My stomach twisted. He must be in so much pain.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked me, curiosity burning his words.
"Nothing." I lied. If he saw any hesitation, or indecision because of Jacob, he would back out. I knew that, and I also had made a promise to myself. A promise that Edward would never see me cry for Jacob again. And if I had to explain how much I would miss him, there would surely be waterworks. I had broken that promise the night after the battle and I wasn't ever going to see that pain in Edward's eyes again. The pain that I had caused. Worse than seeing the pain Jane delivered. Worse because I knew I had been the monster to twist his cherubic face into the grimace of pain.
His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Bella, I think I've read enough minds to know that no one is ever thinking about nothing. Plus if you don't tell me I'll only think it's worse than it really is."
I smiled and laughed. "You know the last time you said that I asked you about weddings? Can you imagine that? You should have taken advantage of that while you could." I held up my left hand and wiggled my fingers at him. The diamonds glittered. I watched his gaze follow my hand, and his eyes shone almost as bright as the diamonds.
Despite my pre-aversion to the wedding, I had almost been as happy as Edward that day. Seeing Edward in that state of true ecstasy, had made me feel a joy so strong, I had forgotten all about Jacob. The last time I had talked to Jacob was when I went to see him recovering in his room after the battle, and I had felt guilty ever since. He had always been on my mind, lurking, except for the day of the wedding.
Suddenly Edward sat up, being careful that I wasn't rocked by his sudden movement. Surprised, I slid off of his lap and tucked my knees to my chest, keeping my eyes on him.
"That's funny." He gazed at me for a long amount of time before I had to ask.
"What's funny?" I prodded.
His face was guarded as he answered. "I never noticed you were good at distractions, considering what a terrible liar you are. You're avoiding telling me what you're thinking."
I made a face at him, and he grinned. Then his face darkened as realization dawned on him. Uh-oh. "Bella," He murmured, pulling me closer to him and taking my face in his hands so I couldn't avert my eyes. That didn't stop me from trying. "It was Jacob wasn't it?" I tried desperately to twist my head out of his hands but he held fast. The tears were coming. I knew it. "No." I lied, but my voice cracked. I knew he wouldn't have believed me even if it hadn't. "Bella--" He began but the phone ringing interrupted him.
I hopped off the bed and dashed to answer my recently acquired silver cell phone -- a gift from all of the Cullens as a "wedding present". I felt like "wedding present" was simply a pretense for my parents and others, to me it seemed more like a "welcome to the vampire family" thing, but I was too embarrassed to ask.
I flipped the small phone open and held it to my ear. "Hello?"
Who could possibly be trying to reach me? The rest of the Cullens wouldn't call, they would know what was happening, or supposed to be happening tonight. And I couldn't imagine why they would call me and not Edward.
"Bella?" A deep husky voice echoed in my ear. I gasped and the room swam. I pressed my palm against the wall to steady myself.
Edward was at my side in a second. He touched my elbow lightly. I shook my head at him and stared at the floor as I breathed in and out. By the time I looked up again, Edward was back on the bed watching me carefully. I shook my head at him and he turned away, humming to himself.
"Yes?" My voice was shaking.
"Bella it's Billy."
"Oh. Hi Billy." I tried not to act disappointed, and the curiosity burning in my voice masked most of the disappointment. Why would Billy, werewolf supporter/father and vampire hater, be calling me -- The girl who runs with vampires?
"How are you?"Billy's voice asked, and I saw right through what Billy tried to make look like an act of simple courtesy. I narrowed my eyes. He must be calling to check if the treaty still stood.
"I'm fine. Um." I hesitated. "What...." I had to pause and take a breath. Even if he was calling about the treaty, Jacob was still on my mind, and I was practically bending over from the weight of guilt that drowned me."What are you calling for?"
"Well, Bella. I was wondering if you've heard from Jacob. Was he at the wedding? Or has he called you......?" He trailed off and towards the end, panic seeped into his words.
"How long has he been missing? The wedding...?" I trailed off too. Wow. Three days? The guilt was now clawing at my throat, and it was hard to breathe. Jacob. Missing. Three days. My fault.
"Well, no...." Billy stopped to clear his throat. "After he got the invitation, he took off. Sam was able to keep in touch, but he never went to go get him. And a few days ago, when Sam phased.....Jacob didn't respond.....He wasn't...There.......We don't know if he went too far, or if he phased back. But I haven't seen in....a long time....." His sentences were rushed and he was nearly hysterical.
"The invitation....?" I didn't let Alice send an invitation to the Blacks, no matter how much Edward had argued Jacob should have the choice. Edward had finally given up, after seeing how much the thought had stressed me out.
Out of the corner of my eye, Edward stiffened slightly on the bed. I tried to turn to glare at him but fear froze my muscles, leaving them useless.
I tried to do the math in my head. How long had it been since Alice had sent the invitations out? My face drained of color. I didn't want to finish my problem-solving. The shock washed over me and I stumbled towards the bed. Edward caught me when I missed the bed, almost falling headfirst into the floor.
"Billy can I call you back?" I choked out.
"Yeah, Bella...I'm sorry. Don't worry though, Sam and the older wolves are going to be looking. They'll find him." But Billy sounded as crushed as I did. I suddenly realized how much he'd been relying on my reporting of Jacob's whereabouts.
There was a click and then the dial tone buzzed in my ear.
A sob escaped me with such force that I dropped the phone. It looked more like I chucked it. It glanced off the edge off the mattress and crashed into the hard floor. I watched it shatter and I could almost hear the echo of my heart, shattering against my ribcage.

Darn.
Even in times of despair, I had to break something. Anything. Despite my current train of thoughts - Jacob - I still managed to same some more disappointment at my new phone laying mangled on the floor.

" Ah, Bella." Edward said gently, gathering the macabre pieces of my phone together in his pale fingers.

While Edward's back was turned, I thought of the possibility Edward hadn't heard and I could convince him there was another reason Billy had called. I came up blank but at least I managed to force my grim and guilt-ridden stare into a mild grimace.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." I felt my brow crease and Edward turned around.

There was a small smile playing on his lips as he sat on the bed and gathered me into his arms.

"It's quite alright. In fact, Alice placed as much insurance as there was on your phone. She had a feeling.... She couldn't be sure if you would drop it in the ocean, fall down the stairs and crushing it, or this." He gestured at the now clean floor and smiled sheepishly at me. "Of course, you don't have to be psychic to know it would be completely insane to not put insurance on a phone for you. "We'll be able to get a new one very soon. I believe Alice picked up a few spares just in case." He chuckled.

I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. "Sure, sure." I muttered in the patronizing tone Jacob always used and my mind started whirring.

Jacob. Where was he? Why did he leave? I knew I was to blame but exactly why did he leave? Anger? Despair? The need to kill Edward? I couldn't tell Edward. If Edward offered to go find him I knew I wouldn't be able to resist. It was bad for three reasons. First, didn't I want Jacob to forget about me, after all I'd done is break his heart? I would break it again if Edward found him, which brings us to the second reason. What if Jacob had run away in search of Edward? To kill..... And my final reason oriented around me and all of my selfish needs. It would postpone my transformation. I was growing older by the day and I didn't want to waste anymore time.

"Bella?" Edward's worried voice broke through my plotting, bringing me back into awareness.

"I'm fine. Really!" I protested as he raised his eyebrows disbelievingly.

"What did Billy want?" He asked cautiously, his golden eyes guarded.

"He..." I trailed off. What on Earth was I going to say?