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Forlorn and Forgotten

Summary:
this my first story on here so criticism is expected...but not overly harsh please...but what if edward left again as bella had expected? what would they do?


Notes:


7. Desperation

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1385   Review this Chapter

As Alice was packing I had to go and speak to Carlisle about this. He should approve, though I doubted if that would even matter to me anymore. I started to worrt that maybe she wasn't going to do what I thought, as i paced the floor. The sound was so quiet I don't think the mice could hear it. But I knew that Carlisle could. I just hope Esme isn't there as well. She would raise such a fuss that Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper would come running. Then I wuld have to waste more precious time convincing them that it is better for everyone if they just let me handly this on my won. Jasper would try to make me feel like his idea was fine, then I would have to just bite or scratch him a little. Only a little, I smiled to myself, what could that hurt. As i was thinking about what Alice wuld do when she got her tiny hands on me. I shuddered involuntarily, she may be small, but she's a fiesty fighter, especially when Jasper is concerned. I reached the door of Carlisle's office, I hadn't realized that I was walking toward it.

<>I did a mental scan to see who i could 'hear'. I picked up on Emmett and Rosalie in Rose's room. Jasper was down stairs in the living room. Esme was in the garden. But, Carlisle as always was in his office. I'm so glad that he's so wonderfull predictable. I looked inside and walked over to him. Carlisle looked my way and smiled, but as soon as he looked at me he looked a little sad. I was sure my eyes were giving something away of my personal anguish at Bella's decision.

"What's wrong, Edward" Carlisle asked, eyeing me with a concerned look.

I almost lied right there, but something in the tone of his voice told me it's ok to be totally, unbearably honest "Alice and I are going away for awhile." I stated flatly. I was trying so hare to be convincing that I didn't think he would buy it, but then i remembered how i had blatanly lied to Bella and she believed every cursed word.

"Oh" he said with a casual surprise,"and where were you tow planning on going?"

"Oh some where in Europe probably sweden or some such place." I tried so, so very hard to repress the anger that was building ever so slightly.

"Alright, Be careful, don't let the Volturri catch you off guard" he said it meaning to be playful, but i got the distinct impression that he saw straight through my ruse...Carlisle is always so perceptive...its unnerving.

I was pleasantly relieved to be released from his soul pennetrating gaze. And with that i quietly slipped out.

<>Alice was still packing when I returned to her room. My god that woman can take enough clothes to full clothe every child in the world. She was looking at me when I realized she was thinking something to me. I leaned in to listen and she spoke you know why Bella is going there don't you? She looked too innocent. Her expression blank, eyes blank and wide.

<><>"What do you know Alice!" I growled fiercly. I hated when she was bing deliberately unhelpful. "You know something that could help us get to her and are withholding it why?" I asked furiously and very incredulous.

<><><>
"Because it would enfuriate you more than you not knowing." she replied calmly. As i contemplated what she could possibly mean, she finished packing. we jumped in the volvo and sped away toward the airport at about 330 mph. Why does this feel slow? I keep worrying that we are going to be too late to help her. I need to push those treacherous thoughts as far form my consciousness as possible. THey would only caouse mor strife between my instincts, my feelings, and my conscience. Alice was gazing at me with a very peculiar expression. I was trying to decifer it as we pulled up to the airport. She was as quick as a human pace would allow. THere was a particularly cheeful woman who delegated to us how we might go about purchasing our tickets. I was despising her fervently. Mostly becaouse she was in my way to getting to Bella, but partially because how could someone be so damned happy working a pathetic dead end job? I was practically incredulous at this last thought, why do i suddenly care about insignificant peopl?

Alice still had that peculiar gleam in her eyes as she looked at me, I was determined to ask her about her gaze when we boarded our flight. I was having trouble identifying that confusing expression. Her face was blank except for one eyebrow was raised giving her a questioning look that I rarely saw upon her flawless pixie face. her elven features almost cast into a scowl but yet bewildered. I was comparing the random expressions I had decifered off of Bella's face trying so hard to make any kind of connection that I didn't realize when the plane took off. About twenty minutes into our flight I realized tat I was lost in my memories of her and as I came to that realization a far more morbid one flew inow my mind. What if we are too late to save her...what if she refuses to be saved...what if she isn't the same person I'd left?

By the time I'd gotten passed ass of those hideous insistant thoughts I had the focus to ask Alice hwat was bothering her.

She replied hesitantly "I...I was just...just worried about..." she stopped.

I then picked up on it immediatly...he was worried aobut how Jasper would take it if she didn't come back. I shuddered at the thought of her not going home...Esme's horrified expression, Carlisle drowning in despair, Jasper would also hunt out the Volturri or Victoria...or do something very regrettable on Quilleute land. That would bring even more devastation to the family. It would be all my fault because I didn't listen to Alice the first time around. I still didn't know if I could go through with it. Every part of me was screaming to let her be with e for all the rest of our exsistences I couldn't make my morals accept that fate for her. She was just so full of life and adventure. I couldn't bring myself to end that for her. Also y selfish nature couldn't stand to put me through that pain, the pain of watching her writhe and change. that would make me have as much agony as the first time I underwent the change. ANd I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy...why would i do that to Bella, who wasn't just my la tua cantante, but also my obsession and love. that would almost make me as treacherous as James who almost killed her. How would I stop myself...i shuddered when i thought of doing that to her

As i glanced back at Alice, i saw her eyes go blank, so I panicked and blocked wout her thoughts. She started to fall wover so I instinctively reached over to steady her. At that instant I had another flashback to mine and Bella's second kiss. the was she passed out. I let a sigh escape, at least i didn't start crying tearlessly yet. i shouldn't be flinching and weeping at the mention of her. this is so wrong, how can i be so masochistic! It's my nature and i am puttin gmyself through the tortue to protect my prey, no, not only my prey, my La tua cantante. I'm torturing myself because i crave the blood of the only person i've ever really loved. Oh, now that is irony for you, i need to stop dwellin on this...depression that i'm feeling.

I looked over to see if Alice was ok. She was coming out of her...well i guess trance would be a good word for it. As she started to come back to consciousness, she began to look troubled. 'whats wrong Alice, what did you see?'