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Dream's Shadow

Summary:
This is my take on the over- and usually poorly- done plot. Edward leaves Bella again. She is changed and they meet again in the future. There will be a big twist! Requested by Iris. Banner by Iris!

Notes:
Try it! I know stories like this usually stink, but I thought I'd give it a try. I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns all.

11. Chapter 11

Rating 5/5   Word Count 629   Review this Chapter

The days mean nothing. Four hundred of them have come and gone, and nothing but the glow of this screen with its worthless roster of torturous names is my companion.

I have not found them.

I simply wait here, staring at a computer that lists every schoolchild named Cullen in the world.

It’s a common name.

43 thousand hits, actually. There are five Rosalies, seven Jaspers, four Emmetts, a hundred and thirty-six Alices… ten Edwards.

None of them are even in the same states.

I spend my days waiting for new entries… or feeding. I don’t have the control of Carlisle. I’m no saint.

In short, I kill people.

I’m not proud of it. It is my greatest shame. In the moment I leap for a bleeding wound, I feel such horror at myself.

I follow the path he once took, killing those who kill others. Still, I am ending lives.

I am a murderer.

Every instant my soul cries out, this is not the way it should have happened! He should be here, smiling, whispering of his undying love, christening this new life with the eternal glory of adoration, keeping my heart safe and my desires checked. He could have held me back. I am a killer. It is my failing.

And his fault.

It’s really all his fault… I blame him and yet I don’t. I love him with such a love I can’t blame him even for all he’s done. I don’t hate him for the killing of my heart or for the killings he’s forced upon my heart.

They are, however, his. My sins are mine, but I am his. Too bad he won’t accept my soul. If he didn’t want it pure, how much more loathsome will it be so stained?

Oh, Edward…

I sob with the dry tears I can produce. My heart rends further. I wonder where my immense capacity for pain came from. Isn’t the transformation supposed to dull all things?

It doesn’t dull love. And so it can’t dull my pain. But the days fade into each other. There is no sparkle. There is no light. There is only the endless agony of waiting.

I did this so I could find him, not so I could wait longer. I don’t want to be powerless, held in thrall to a departed god who will never shower me with his bright favors again.

I kick the monitor. Miraculously, five new names shimmer on the screen.

The entry looks like this.

School First Last Location

Jansbury Secondary Rosalie Hale jansbury

Jansbury Secondary Japer Hale Jansbury

Jansbuty Secondary Alice Cullen Jansbury

Jansbury Secondary Emmett Cullen Jansbury

Jansbury Secondary Edward Cullen Jansbury

I gasp. They are not twenty miles away from me right now. How fate corrects itself!

The pain is a mild shock to the fading glory of relief.

Finally, there is something I can do. I can find them, and talk to them, and see them… see him. His beauty will blind me. I can love him with some little comfort of his presence.

I thank the god I just realized I believe in, and I grab my belongings. The only things I bring are an iPod with his songs, a printout of their address, and a photograph of his beauty…

Soon the last will not be necessary. I may not have him, but to look on him will be enough…

All my love beats in my heart like the blood I no longer possess.