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Dream's Shadow

Summary:
This is my take on the over- and usually poorly- done plot. Edward leaves Bella again. She is changed and they meet again in the future. There will be a big twist! Requested by Iris. Banner by Iris!

Notes:
Try it! I know stories like this usually stink, but I thought I'd give it a try. I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns all.

4. Chapter 4

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 565   Review this Chapter

Yes, I was going. My mind is made up now. With the careful, cautious movements that are all my limbs will provide, I walk upstairs and knock on Charlie’s door. It is the only preparation I can make.

“Dad?”

“Bella.” It has been hell around here. He is so miserable. It isn’t just me who’s being killed by this.

“Dad, Jake… you know he’s getting married? To Aliene?”

“Oh, Bells. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t take it, Dad.”

“No! Bella, there’s always another answer…”

“I’m not going to kill myself.” I’m going to ask someone else to do it for me. “There are some friends of the Cullens, who I met in L.A. I think I’m going to go talk to them, to see if they know where they are. I need to talk to them… to him.”

“You aren’t coming back.”

“No. If I can’t find them… I’ll look harder. Or go to Renee. Or something… Dad, I love you.”

“Good-bye, Bella. I love you.”

“Thanks, Daddy. Thank you for everything. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re not the one who should be sorry. How could Jake, of all people…”

“It isn’t his fault. When you find something like he has… I couldn’t want him to be without it. He wouldn’t be my Jacob.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“You too.”

I hug my father one last time. He smiles into my hair, and I leave, taking with me nothing but a change of clothes and Wuthering Heights.

I can’t read it, of course, it is far too painful- even thinking about it sends agony spiraling into my soul- but I know having it will comfort me as I walk into that dark and forbidding chamber.

It is like a circle. Live, live, live. You must live. He wants you to live.

No he doesn’t. I can’t live. He doesn’t want me to live or he’d be here, keeping me alive.

Die, die, die.

But I can’t die. Charlie.

How much does Charlie matter in the face of this? I love my father. He is important, good, loving. But I can’t. I can’t do this.

I want to die.

Kill me!

Oh, God. Kill me.

Why do I have to live like this? Without him?

It’s every bit as bad… no, it’s worse. Last, time, it didn’t hurt as much. Probably because then, then I had Jake, then I had his voice. Now it is just me and the pain that is bigger than me. I cannot carry this burden through life. I cannot go on pretending. I want to die.

I must die, because I am being killed.

I just want it to end…

How silly that sounds, but it is the simple truth. Sounds like a line from a romance novel. It has become my life.

I want the pain to end. Oh, I’d like him back- I’d like for him never to have left me. But that’s absolutely ridiculous. While I’m at it, I’d like to grow a bra size and win the lottery!

Lottery… piano… Edward…

Ow.

God, this stinks.

My only realistic option to avoid this is death. And that is when a plan begins to form…