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I'm moving on

Summary:
(Songfic) It’s 5 years later. What if Edward never came back? What if Charlie died? What if there was no Victoria? Edwards memory is driving Bella crazy and she needs to get away from forks.


Notes:
This is my first songfic. I know that not alot of people like them, but there are a few like myself who do, and I really like this one that I did. Disclaimer:Roses are RedViolets Are blueI do not own Twilight(I wish)So don't you dare sue

I’m moving on- Rascal Flatts


1. Chapter 1

Rating 0/5   Word Count 875   Review this Chapter

I must get out of Forks!

I’ve dealt with my ghosts
And I’ve faced all my demons
Finally content
With a past I regret

I loved him so much, but I can’t let him be the center of my being anymore. I need to get out now for my sake as well as for the sake of those around me. I may regret meeting him, but I could never regret loving him.

I’ve found you find strength
In your moments of weakness
For once
I’m at peace with myself

In all that time that I had myself convinced that my life couldn’t continue without him, I was weak. But I found my strength... Jacob. He understands why I’m leaving… he has always understood. I need peace, but in Forks, with reminders of him everywhere, that isn’t possible.

I’ve been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for to long

Of course I blamed myself, some small part of me still does. But that small part is also the one trying to convince me that he still loves me. I think it’s my heart, but I made the sound decision to ignore it long ago. I quickly learned that wallowing in numbness easily erases the pain. I’ve been waiting for him for much to long. I’ve finally pulled myself out of the past… finally.

I’m moving on

I must get out of Forks!

I’ve lived in this place
And I know all the faces
Each one is different
But they’re always the same

I see faces everyday… Mike, Jessica, Lauren…ew... Angela. They all live here in happy, harmonious, togetherness. Can they even begin to grasp the pain I’ve gone through these past 5 years? To me, although I know each individually, they will always he mushed together and labeled as the happy citizens of Forks.

They mean me no harm
But it time that I face it
They’ll never
Allow me to change

Although on the outside I’ve changed drastically,,, I’m skinnier, my hair is thinner, and my cheeks have lost their color, my eyes their luster… here in cheerio sized Forks, I will always be Bella, I will always be that Cullen[wince] girl. Do they understand how much it hurts when I hear that?

But I never dreamed
Home would end up where I don’t belong

Forks was home, The Cullen[wince] mansion was home, my room was home. But without him they mean nothing to me. I don’t want any of it. Home is where he is. And he is gone, so I don’t have a home.

I’m moving on

I must get out of Forks!

I’m moving on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently
Waiting for me

I can feel it. Although I’ve been stuck in this hellhole called Forks, his memory was the thing that pushed me off that cliff. But beyond Forks, back in Phoenix, or maybe even Jacksonville there is a life for me. Just no happy ending, but I think I can live with that.

And I know
There’s no guarantees
But I’m not
Alone

Even though I know they are gone, and I can’t be positive. I still hear them sometimes. Alice’s [wince] squeal, Emmett’s[wince] booming laughter, and my lullaby rolling off of his tongue. Sometimes it’s almost so clear that I rush to the window just to check. It hurts to hear them, re-tearing the gaping hole wide open, so that the jagged edges mash together. But still through that pain hearing the voices makes me believe that they still…somehow…care, and I don’t feel quite so lonely.

There comes a time

In everyone’s life
When all you can see
Are the years passing by
And I’ve made up my mind
That those days are gone

I used to sit there for days and not do anything. I was hardly aware when Charlie passed away from a heart attack two years ago. When I realized it tore me apart. I finally decided to stop mourning, and snatch those years that I was losing back, I would need them.

I’ve sold what I could
And I’ve packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up
On my way out of town

I sold Charlie’s home, and as much else as I could. Stuffing everything that people wouldn’t buy into boxes, and throwing them into the bed of my ancient truck. I stopped on the very outskirts of Forks to fill up the truck with gas, and then flew out of there like a bat out of hell.

I’ve loved like I should
And lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything
To find out

I loved him with my mind, heart, and soul just as you’re supposed to, but I lived in fear. Not of who they were, or of what I could become, but of the fear that I was not worthy to be loved by him. That his love for me was not strong enough to be permanent and that was what scared me. That feeling caused me to hold back on everything that I held dear to my heart. He obviously saw this, and like I had envisioned, his love for me faded. Leaving me shattered and irreplaceable.

Maybe forgiveness
Will find me
Somewhere
Down this road

Maybe one-day god will forgive me for throwing away true love. Maybe he will forgive me for doubting him. And maybe… just maybe… I can forgive him for leaving me…maybe.

I’m moving on

I’m getting away from his memory

I’m moving on

Away from Forks and real true love

I’m moving on

I’m moving on