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Bye Bye Mister Vampire Guy

Summary:
A karaoke parody of New Moon


Notes:
I posted this on the Twilight lexicon on a whim last week and several people claimed that they died laughing. This confused me, becasue I am certain that dead people do not type, nor do they read purple message boards.


1. Bye Bye Mister Vampire Guy

Rating 5/5   Word Count 779   Review this Chapter

Not so long ago...
In the year two thousand six
Bella had a crazy dream
She'd gotten wrinkled, gray, and old
While Edward was still young and cold
It was so weird, she woke up with a scream

But the vampire refused to change her
He wanted her human...and even stranger
He said that when she died
He would commit suicide

The Birthday was a total mess
A paper cut caused much distress
Jasper's thirst failed the test
That's when the readers cried

So bye-bye, Mister Vampire Guy.
You left with a kiss, we sure will miss
Your dizzying sighs
You've made your choice, this is the final goodbye
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes

Bella wallowed in some emo grief
Racked with the impossible belief
That he never loved her much at all
The boy just wouldn't write or call
She stayed numb all throughout the fall
And cried as she curled up in a ball

She acted really zombified
The nightmares got her terrified
She alienated her friends
Charlie was at his wit's end

She went to a flick in Jessica's car
And met some weird guys in a bar
Heard Edward's voice from off afar
That's when the readers cried.

So bye-bye, Mister Vampire Guy.
You left with a kiss, we sure will miss
Your dizzying sighs
You've made your choice, this is the final goodbye
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes

She found if she made a stupid choice
She could easily hear that silky voice
She really needed to do something rash
She took some bikes to a hot young guy
Who fixed them up so they could fly
She paid for them with some college cash
She met Jake's friends Embry and Quil
Stayed for pasta and ate her fill
She was making brand new friends
But her troubles did not end
Because she heard a tale next day at lunch
'Bout a pack of wolves and had a hunch
Sam Uley was behind that bunch
That's when the readers sighed.

We were singing,
So bye-bye, Mister Vampire Guy.
You left with a kiss, we sure will miss
Your dizzying sighs
You've made your choice, this is the final goodbye
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes

Her bond with Jake grew like a weed
They rode motorcycles at dangerous speeds
They looked for her meadow on a hike
Had accidents on her motor bike
Went to a movie show with Mike
Who threw up much to her dislike

She finally admitted for heaven's sake
That she really truly did like Jake
But that's when he got sick
Then didn't seem to care a lick
Laurent met up with her in the field
His evil nature was revealed
Werewolves saved her from being his meal
That's when the readers cried

We started singing,
So bye-bye, Mister Vampire Guy.
You left with a kiss, we sure will miss
Your dizzying sighs
You've made your choice, this is the final goodbye
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes

She learned about the werewolves' ways
Watched them get real mad and phase
She and Jake were finally friends once more
The pack left to hunt Victoria down
She jumped off a cliff and nearly drown
Came home and found Alice at her door
Edward made that fateful call
And thought his girl died in that fall
He flew to Italy
To meet the Volturi
He told Aro all about his strife
Asked him if he'd take his life
The day the readers cried

They were singing,
So bye-bye, Mister Vampire Guy.
You left with a kiss, we sure will miss
Your dizzying sighs
You've made your choice, this is the final goodbye
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes
We'll miss your gorgeous smoldering eyes

But Bella got there just in time
The love between them was sublime
Turns out Edward still really cared for her
They met up with Felix and Jane
Who took them to Aro through a drain
Cause their presence had caused quite a stir
Marcus saw their love of course
Tried to get them to join the guard by force
But Alice had a vision and saved the day
She saw that Bella would be changed
Jane acted disappointed and deranged
So Aro let them go and they drove away

She put her mortality to a vote
Edward proposed and she said no
Jake wouldn't return her calls
She thought "They fight and Paris falls"
The werewolf warning was not light
A human's neck no vamp could bite
If the treaty was broken then they would fight
That's when the readers cried

And were were singing
My, my Mister Vampire Guy
August seven will be heaven
But it's far out of sight
We're counting down, we hope the days fly
Eclipse will surely be a delight
Eclipse will surely be a delight

And were were singing
My, my Mister Vampire Guy
August seven will be heaven
But it's far out of sight
We're counting down, we hope the days fly
Eclipse will surely be a delight
Eclipse will surely be a delight