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The Falling

Summary:
In the action itself, she is weightless and free. The flight is not to be feared, only the impact. A story on the life of Esme Cullen. Image Hosted by ImageShack.us Banner By incredible Iris!

Notes:
I may submit this to the official site. What do you think?

33. Chapter 33

Rating 5/5   Word Count 557   Review this Chapter

And then nothing darkens…

This afternoon, our caller is that same Charles Evenson my mother so desired I marry.

I groan. I don’t care for him. In fact, I think I may loathe him. Of all the stuffed shirts my mother has shoved before me, he is the most tedious, and so the most pushed upon me. If I had any intention of marrying, however, I would choose him. To make my parents happy, and further the illusion of my own happiness with his total blandness.

It would be so easy. However, it would be the greatest lie to get married, to vow myself to one and no other my entire life…

Because I already belong to someone.

I can’t lie like that.

I groan and pin up my hair. This will be painfully tedious. I loathe the whole falsity of every time Charles visits. My mother near to swoons over him, while I do my best not to explain just how utterly… unexceptional… I find him. It’s almost remarkable how unremarkable he is. It’s like there is nothing other than average about him.

It confuses me. He shouldn’t be like this, so bland. It’s inhuman, and in a totally different way than Carlisle was.

I drop the tuft of hair. Why do I even bother? Why do I care what they think?

Because it gives me something to do, and that’s all I have, this tedious make-believe.

The hair goes back up.

But if I continue with this, I’ll end up Charles’ wife. I can’t do that. I can’t lie like that, not so terribly. It’s downright cruel. I shouldn’t.

And down.

What do I want? What do I want from life? Carlisle. Second place… that’s a hard question.

I remember the dream, the blonde girl. It is a strong memory, that of my little Rose. She’s almost a real person to me, even though I really do know she doesn’t exist. Really.

I stink at lying to myself.

I remember why I am so drawn to her though. I think I know why I want to remember her just as much as I desire the rest of the dream. I love children. I love her. I want to be a mother. I want a love that will never leave me, that will always have come from me and will always be mine.

I want a dependant, an innocent, a baby.

I’ve found something to live for.

If I can’t have Carlisle’s child, I can have someone’s.

And that’s my second place.

And to have a child, I will have to marry. Nothing else is even an option.

It does repel me, though. I don’t want another man. Only Carlisle. Yet, I want what will come with betraying my heart. It’s a hard decision, and I stare into the mirror for a few minutes while I make it.

“What would you like to do with your life, Esme?”

Carlisle and Edward speak it at once out of my past.

My choice is made for me by the two figures.
With a deep sigh, I pin the hair back up.

I guess I’m decided, then.

Because pain and darkness loom,