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The Falling

Summary:
In the action itself, she is weightless and free. The flight is not to be feared, only the impact. A story on the life of Esme Cullen. Image Hosted by ImageShack.us Banner By incredible Iris!

Notes:
I may submit this to the official site. What do you think?

38. Chapter 38

Rating 5/5   Word Count 531   Review this Chapter

But have to fall and fall all alone,

Oh, Carlisle. I remember him perfectly. Every detain of his face has been stored away in my mind, waiting for me to need it once again.

I can see his eyes, glowing warm and soft, like the color of the sun in the morning, gentle heat and tamed power.

I can see the face that frames them. He is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. His skin is a pale color, like he never goes into the sun. I can still feel his cold, firm touch, the very opposite of his eyes… strong, very strong, and like ice against my skin.

I will never forget the times he kissed me… not if I live forever. I will always recall how, almost shyly, he pressed his perfect lips to mine, and smiled.

Just as powerful in my mind is how his sweet voice sounded, like velvet, when he said, for the first or for the last time, “I love you.”

This is getting me nowhere fast. I will not gain anything by weeping over the lost love of my past.

I know I will never love anyone again. My heart will always be his… but even then I’m glad I still have a life to live. Yes, I would have given anything up for him, but it is almost good, I am almost pleased, he would not take it.

Even though I wish, more than anything, that he could be the one I’m marrying, the one whose life I will share. I have no desire to be a part of Charles Evenson.

I call him up in my mind to place beside the memory of Carlisle. It is a depressing comparison. Charles’ skin is slightly tan, from hunting trips with his friends, a long cut on one cheek. It has never quite healed. His mousy brown hair is almost shoulder length and cut shaggily, so he resembles a large dog. I have never looked into his eyes. I don’t want to… And it’s another thing that makes me very hesitant about this.

But it’s done. I still can’t see what I should have done, much less what I can do now. I’m stuck… trapped… for the rest of my life.

Trapped in two ways. My body belongs to Charles Evenson. I’m married off, stuck with him forever, no way out, nothing I can do. My heart will always belong to Carlisle Cullen. He will never return it, and so I’m stuck in two ways. Nothing I can do. Two men who hold me captive, in different places, tearing me slowly apart, breaking my heart as they drift further and further apart from each other and me. It rips me into pieces.

Oh, Carlisle. It hurts to remember, yes, but I will never regret the time I spent with him. He’s the only person I’ve ever loved. He proved to me that I am a person, and now I will never forget it, no matter what else happens.

Makes you crave so the only shelter you have ever known,