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The Falling

Summary:
In the action itself, she is weightless and free. The flight is not to be feared, only the impact. A story on the life of Esme Cullen. Image Hosted by ImageShack.us Banner By incredible Iris!

Notes:
I may submit this to the official site. What do you think?

56. Chapter 56

Rating 5/5   Word Count 549   Review this Chapter

Further and further, and all alone,

I remember the reason why I agreed to this marriage in the first place. I wanted a child. Unconditional love. Wasn’t that the hackneyed little phrase I used? Unconditional love.

I had forgotten about that ambition. In my day to day struggle to avoid Charles and the pain he induces, all else, except the memory of Carlisle, had faded into nothing, along with the child I wanted.

Wanted being the operative word. I used to have a life it would be conceivable to bring an innocent into—but no child of mine is going to be born into this house. I used to want something I could depend upon- something that could depend upon me.

It appears I’m going to get just that.

I am, it would appear, pregnant. In something like eight months, I am going to have Charles Evenson’s child. In his house, dependant upon him just as I am- unless I do something about it.

I wonder what Charles would do if I told him of this. Would he take the news well? Does he want a child?

Unlikely. There is so little in the world that pleases him. Another responsibility, another mouth to feed, is unlikely to be one of those few things. He will undoubtedly blame me. And undoubtedly, the form his blame will take shall be blows

I can picture it perfectly.

If he doesn’t manage to beat the child out of me unborn, I know exactly what will happen. This half-life I live will be shared. The baby will grow up terrified of everything, its own shadow, its own father.

No one deserves this life. Even I do not, and I am not without every possible sin. A child, this unborn child, is. I cannot allow this to happen.

What are my options?

I can stay here and give birth to a baby in a life that neither of us can tolerate. That is unacceptable.

I can get rid of the child. There are ways to do it, I know. Yet it’s a most unappealing option. What, live the rest of my life, alone and terrified? Give up the only thing I want? Murder my own unborn baby?

That’s no better.

Or I can leave. I’m not entirely sure how I’ll get out or where I’ll go, but I’m sure there is somewhere. I’m sure there’s someone who can take me in.

Perhaps my cousin, Eileen, can take me in. We got along well enough as children, and she is my closest relative besides my distinctly unhelpful parents.

Yes, that will work. I think I know where she is. Ashland, isn’t it?

Far away. A different state, as a matter of fact.

But automobiles are more common here. I can… steal one.

It’s a minor crime, compared to my other options. I can get there. I have to.

I have no choice.

It’s almost a relief to realize how trapped I am. Nothing I do now can really be held to my account, because I have nowhere else to turn.

Because you cannot let your only other fall with you,