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Dead Star

Summary:
Jacob was Bella's sun. He brightened her day and balanced out the clouds nicely.
But how could he fight with the cold, rock of the moon? How could he fight an eclipse?
He couldn't.

So he ran, and now . . . he's a dead star.
He's lost inside himself.

Another pack of werewolves, another coven of leeches.
He ran right to what he was running from.

Deadstarbannercopy.tiff


Notes:

I really am excited about this idea. I will be rotating with updating Starting New series and this, depending on the reviews I get for each. And I might just update both at the same time! :)


2. Emotional Turmoil

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1216   Review this Chapter

I kept thinking of Bella. I remembered a song Leah was singing in her head once....

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

[chorus]

Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going newhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then I don't care we're not going anywhere

But that was the problem. I DID care. I did. I did. I did.

And I knew Bella used me also, but I knew how much she wanted to love me too, though. If she saw me in this pain.... I felt the muscle in my jaw tighten so hard it creaked painfully.

I pulled myself into a large ball, just now realizing again, that I had phased. Oh. Did I really care? I asked myself. That's not important now, a voice whispered in my ear. You should go find her. Find her. Fight for her.

No! I rebelled against my own thoughts again, not being able to trust my mind. The selfishness was infiltrating it. NO.

King Solomon. King Solomon. King Solomon. King Solomon. King Solomon.

I was rocking back and forth dismally, the forest leaves and partially decomposed bark sticking to my back and jabbing slightly when my weight rolled back again.

I only just realized I wasn't alone. There was a teenage boy with dark skin like mine, but not exactly the coloring mine contained. I also was brought back to awareness, making a new realization that I hadn't been thinking 'King Solomon', but muttering it quietly.

The teenage boy who looked around my age, was wearing a very disturbed expression on his face.

"Crackjob," the boy muttered to himself, before stripping off his shorts and shoes, and morphing into a large, gray wold. I immediately thought of Embry, and felt guilty. My pack deserved better than being shunned and having their wolffie-in-cheif run out on them. I guess there were lunatics in every bloodline. Unless you can't see the ostentatious imaginary arrow flashing at me right now, yeah, I'm the wacko.

The wolf looked expectantly, let out a soft sigh/growl, and morphed back.

"You don't want me to trigger your anger do you? Just follow me." He thought he had me cornered. I smiled sardonically back at him and he narrowed his eyes. He backed several steps, then used a flippant drawling voice.

"What? You're moping out here because your shallow girlfriend dumped you?"

He had obviously underestimated me, expecting me to lose control and morph against my will. He didn't expect me to be on my feet and running at him, phasing in a mere stride. That was obvious as I bore down on his vacant expression, before he finally ducked sideways, phasing himself.

The other pack immediately came running, but they made no move to help him as I gnashed my teeth at his shoulder and tore it to the bone. A few of them winced, but the Alpha watched calmly.

His face was peaceful and alert, his body only tensed, ready. He wasn't nervous. Obviously, he thought I would be easy to take down. Well, ever since I had been a werewolf, a gift had been thrust upon me, just like the leadership; except this time, I would take it and use it. I was tearing my competitor's flesh to pieces in some parts, for I had no mercy. He was not my pack. I could, however, feel his pain, but right now I was blinded by the fury I greedily latched onto.

I had delved deep into the instincts of the beginning of my kin; my brothers. I brought with me the minds and reflexes of the Spirit Warriors all the way up to the past La Push pack. I was a werewolf.

Instead of controlling the venom in my thoughts and my merciless actions, I embraced them, harnessing my hate and passion and using it in every way possible. It limbered my limbs in new ways and made me lithe, bending out of the hardest situations. There wasn't even a hair on my body that was bent. The only pain and wounds there were, were the ones I inflicted, wholly myself.

My partner was becoming tired, tripping, as we blurred in our own little circle of pugnacious warfare, that was dangerous for anyone...man or beast, to interfere with. My gums felt like they had been glued above my dry, dagger teeth, for I had been growling and snapping the whole time. The wind made my saliva thick, like cement, but as I ripped a wound in his haunch, the blood moistened it.

'Enough.' The thought was firm, and controlled, just like Sam. My partner backed into the crescent formation of his pack, licking his wounds wearily, but with the strong shame of defeat.

I snickered softly, used to the coughing sound that rasped the back of my throat.

The pack phased back as the leader requested, but I was extremely suspicious to do so. I felt better here, even though it was becoming a little trouble to simmer down my emotions, that were joyous at being given freedom, finally released from their cage. I stayed on my four paws, frozen cautiously.

I wished I could take that out on a leech I could KILL, it would make these a lot easier, I thought to myself, beating them back as they reared up again and crashed down in my head, filling my ears with my pulse and a film of red shading my eyes.

"You're not exactly the monk religious freak I thought you'd be," the now human opponent mumbled crossly, rubbing his neck. I watched his flesh sew itself back together again, with a satisfied look. The sinew wound complicated patterns, binding itself stronger than any rope.

"If you're going to come back with us, you'd better phase," the Alpha stated, his voice not showing if he wanted me to stay or go. Now, I was curious. Could here be leaches up here? Where was I even? There was only one way to find out.