Emmett's Day Off
What happens when a vampire gets bored. A one shot about a little vacation Emmett has from high school.
Rating 3.7/5 Word Count 1320 Review this Chapter
It was another boring Monday morning in Forks. It was time to go to the best damn place in the world! Forks High school. I was thinking about how much I hate that place as Eddie, I mean Edward (he flips out whenever I call him Eddie) drove us to school in his cramped ass car. "My car is not cramped, you are just abnormally large".
"Dude yes it is! I can barely fit through the door. And I am not abnormally large your car is freakishly small". This was driving me crazy it felt like we had this conversation everyday. “Emmett, that’s because we do have this conversation everyday. You know if my car is so small, you could, I don't know, maybe take your?” Edward said.
"You know what, maybe I will. Pull over and let me out. I'll run back home and meet you guys at school". I was so happy to be out of that car. As Edward drove off I decided I need to take a break. Maybe I should drive up to Las Vegas.
Then I remembered I went last year and I decided to wreak havoc on the small town of Forks. Oh what fun I would have today! I ran upstairs to my room, glad that Esme was out today because she would be mad if she knew what I was doing.
I filled a backpack with toilet paper, spray paint in various colors, and silly string. Most people would be wondering why the hell I would keep random stuff like that in my room and think its juvenile, but when your a vampire who has been through school about six times you tell me what I'm doing is juvenile.
I ran back down the stairs and out to Rosalie's car. My big Jeep is too suspicious and everyone would know who was in it. I head down to the grocery store. When I got there I ran to the side before anyone could see me and started spraying.
I pulled out the neon green can and started with the alien from Signs, that Mel Gibson movie. Most people think it's just a stupid alien movie but to me it's inspirational. Then I gave it an awesome looking human girlfriend and Corvette. It was amazing but all too soon I was out of spray paint.
My next task was to scare the hell out of the customers in the store. I pulled on my ski mask, that’s right I keep a ski mask with me at all times, and ran towards the doors. "Everyone this is a stick up! Nobody move or I will shoot!" I reached for my pocket and heard an old woman hyperventilating in the checkout isle.
I yanked out the silly string and shout “Oh Damn! I grabbed the silly string instead of the gun! Oh well, guess I'll just have to go back home and get my gun. Nobody leave the store until I come back!" While the manager was still staring at me a chuckled under my breath and then ran out.
When I got to the car a checked the time, it was only 10:00 a.m. and school didn’t get out until 3:00. What else could I do today? I still had toilet paper and silly string but my alien had used up the last of the spray paint. I headed down the street and then it hit me!
Newton’s! I would tepee Newton's Sports Outfitters. Mike Newton was annoying and whiney. It was the perfect plan. This will give him something to really whine about. I pulled the car over and left it in the park. I would be able to get to the store without someone noticing me.
As I ran the rest of the way I was so excited to do some more damage. I walked out around the back and started throwing toilet paper onto the roof. Then I climbed up the side and unraveled toilet paper all over the roof, letting the rolls drape over the front of the store but high enough that it couldn’t be pulled down from the ground.
I was really hoping Mike would have to climb up here with a ladder and clean it off. Then with my silly string I sprayed out, "HAHA EAT MY SILLY STRING!” in about three different languages. Beat that Michael Newton!
It was 12:00 p.m. by the time I was done and I decide I should probably go to school, so that way no one could accuse innocent old me of vandalism. I drove Rose's car to school and walked into the front office.
The secretary looked at me surprised by my rugged good looks, Im sure. "What can I do for you dear?"
"Well, I had a doctor's appointment today so I am just coming to sign in."
"Isn't your father a doctor?" "Yes, but I had to go see an orthodontist. I'm getting some teeth pulled. So if you could write me a pass I really need to get to class. I have already missed so much already. I would just hate to miss out on more stimulating information."
She stared at me like she didn’t really believe me. I was shocked and hurt that she would doubt my honesty.
"Okay dear, I will write you a pass and in fact I think I remember your father calling me this morning to tell me you would be late to school. It is lunch time right now so you haven't missed too much, but you have a nice day now!"
I walked out of the office and wonder why Carlisle would call the office. Then it hit me, literally.
Rosalie's hand collided with the side of my face. "Ow! Rose that hurt. I thought you loved me." I was shocked, she hardly ever hit me.
"You big idiot! Why didn't you tell any of us? When we realized you weren’t coming to school, you are lucky Edward thought to call and say you had an appointment today.
Emmett Cullen what exactly did you do this morning?" I realized I was in a lot of trouble. Rosalie doesn't play around and she definitely didn't look pleased. "I was having a mid-life crisis Rose. I just could not take another day without some type of entertainment. I promise I didn't kill anyone. I just...” I muttered quickly under my breath.
"You just what Emmett? Watched a movie, knitted, please enlighten me.'
“Well I went to the grocery store and left an amazing and inspiring mural on the wall and then I tepee the Newton's store. It was thrilling and now I promise to behave for another year."
“We will talk about this later. Now let’s go to lunch."
We walked into the lunch room and sat down at our usual table with the rest of my family. “Have a nice morning Emmett", Edward asked me.
"Actually, yes I did. It was very stimulating. I feel much better now. By the way I'm sorry about your car." Edward looked at me with an angry glare. "You keyed my car! You already destroyed public property! Why my car?" He looked like he was about to kill me.
“Well when I arrived at school I still wasn't ready to go back to a normal life and your car was closest. But I will go buy you a new car. Maybe a Volvo. I hear those are nice and some of them have more space than the car you have now."
He continued to stare at me, I think he was too angry to say anything then I blurted out "Sike! Just joking man I didn’t key your car and you can buy your own Volvo."
That pissed him off even more. And three months later I bought him a stupid, shiny Volvo, because I accidentally ran over his old car with my Jeep.