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A Shadow of the Midnight Sun

Summary:
My take on Midnight Sun after reading Stephenie's first chapter...begining with the return from Alaska Chapter 15 posted!---- NEXT CHAPTER...PORT ANGELAS ---- Just a note: This story is getting increasingly difficult, but I will try to update regularly...Edward is just so complicated!


Notes:
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer’s fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer’s genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character.


12. Multiple Personalities

Rating 4/5   Word Count 2300   Review this Chapter

Multiple Personalities

I was going to do this; I was going to ask Bella Swan to allow me accompany her to Seattle. I would ask her as if I was asking her on a date. If I want to be honest, I was asking her on a date. I felt like one of those ridiculous human boys, placing too much importance on such an insignificant event as courting a girl. What is wrong with me?

I had no doubt that she would say yes. I was not sure how she actually felt about me, but I knew that I could entice her to do anything I wanted. I could get her alone anytime I wanted. I could do what I wanted to her. All I had to do was ask, she would bend to my will. She would ask me to do what I wanted to her. It was part of what I am.

But that, manipulating her, was not what I wanted. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to protect her from me. But in the same breath, I wanted her to want me. The need had faded, but the want lingered still.

I waited for her in the parking lot, nearly jumping out of my skin every time I would hear a vehicle approaching that might be her truck, scolding myself for acting in this manner. After a while, I saw her pull in slowly, parking as far as she could manage away from my car, if this was intentional I did not know. As I watched her get out of her truck all of the feelings from the night before flooded through me. Resolve took over. I moved inhumanly fast to her truck as she dropped her keys into a puddle. I reached out and grabbed them before she had a chance to catch them. She straightened up abruptly, annoyance and surprise in her expression.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?” I asked her innocently, as I gave her back her key, the smell of her drifting into my nose, making it impossible to focus. The need for her blood was strong when I was this close, but I could resist, I knew I could.

“Appear out of thin air,” she looked at me as if gauging my candor.

I was entirely too reckless when I was around her, I needed to avoid behavior that brought notice to what I was. I should just walk away, leave her, and stick to the original plan. Her brown eyes still on me, I replied, “Bella, it is not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.” Something inside me twitched, I didn’t like lying to her.

Her eyes searched mine, as if trying to find the soul that did not exist. I did not break the gaze; I was trying to unravel her as well. Suddenly she looked down at her feet. “Why the traffic jam last night?” She was angry now. “I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not irritating me to death.”

If only. But then I thought about the irritation in her voice when Crowley asked her and I chuckled. “That was for Tyler’s sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance.” Her temper was rising, her breath caught as she muttered the beginnings of a curse. “And I’m not pretending you don’t exist,” I told her honestly. I was more aware of her existence that I should be, I was obsessed with it, wanted it, needed it. Couldn’t she see that?

“So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler’s van didn’t do the job?” This again? How infuriating could one person be, how ridiculous? She was utterly absurd and I told her as much. I knew instantly this was not good, she turned from me and walked towards the school. My heart sank, but why couldn’t she understand? Could she really believe that I regretted saving her? Even if she did believe that, I shouldn’t have reacted this way. I wanted to accompany her to Seattle; I didn’t want her to be annoyed at me.

“Wait,” I walked beside her, “I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m not saying it isn’t true,” I wasn’t going to lie, I didn’t want her to think that I wanted her dead; that I regretted saving her, “but it was rude to say it anyway.”

She continued to stomp through the lot trying to move at a speed to leave me behind, I wasn’t going to allow it. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” she moaned.

She was very entertaining. Her emotions were intriguing to me. Humans rarely showed much emotion besides desire towards us and then fear. Her anger and annoyance at me, this was new and I knew if I could illicit such a reaction that there was a chance that what I had concluded while watching her sleep was correct. My spirits soared at this reasoning.

“I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me,” I couldn’t hold back the laughter in my voice from the hope.

“Do you have a multiple personality disorder?” She could turn a conversation around without a second thought; I liked it, her spunk. But I wanted to do this, once I asked the hard part would be over. Why was this so difficult? I would have to think about that later. I reminded her that she was distracting me again.

I hoped she would oblige. With a sigh of resignation in her voice, “Fine then. What do you want to ask?”

Despite myself, I could not resist a little more torture, “I was wondering if, a week from Saturday – you know, the day of the spring dance…”

She turned on me then, her brown eyes looking at me incredulously, “are you trying to be funny?”

Was there any hope behind the disdain in her voice? I didn’t hear it if there was. Part of me wanted to ask her to the dance, to know if she would be willing to ask me. “Will you please allow me to finish?” I said, the enjoyment I was getting from this had to be evident. She stood completely still, no doubt ready to turn and run if I were to finish as she was expecting. I decided to ask her my original question. “I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride.”

She continued to look at me blankly, “What?”

“Do you want a ride to Seattle?” I repeated my question.

“With who?” she asked perplexed by my question. Had I been that unpleasant to speak to that she did not realize my intentions?

I should have know she would be difficult about this, I heard what she did to Newton the day before. I would have to be clear. “Myself, obviously,” trying to keep the building irritation out of my voice.

“Why?”

How could I answer this question? Why did I have to have a reason? Could I just not want her company? I knew telling her the truth would be entirely too much. I settled on a half truth for the moment, one that had no real bearing on my decision but was also a valid concern. “Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I’m not sure if your truck can make it.”

She didn’t appreciate my degradation of her truck, “My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern.” She began to walk away from me again, as if she felt the conversation was over. I wasn’t ready to give up, not as long her stubbornness was the issue, not that she did not want to go with me.

“But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?” I walked beside her again, keeping up easily. I thought perhaps my insistence would get me to my desired destination.

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.” She retorted, exasperated.

Why was I being so antagonistic? I could have easily given her a good answer, compel her to say yes with only a look and a soft whisper, or I could, and should, just give up and walk away. But she brought out this side of me, she made me work for what I wanted and I liked it. “The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business,” I replied teasingly.

She stopped as we reached to the cafeteria and looked up at me, her eyes searching mine again. She seemed to be tired of the game we had been playing. “Honestly Edward, I can’t keep up with you. I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.” I could only focus on the sound of my name coming from her mouth, just as I had the night before.

Recovering quickly, I clarified my statement, “I said it would be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be.” I wanted to be everything; I wished I could tell her that.

“Oh, thanks, now that’s all cleared up.” The sarcasm dripped from her tone.

How could I tell her we should not be friends because I could, and more than likely would, kill her? “It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend,” I tried to explain without giving too much away. Knowing this would only confuse the situation more I decided that I should just tell her, “But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.” I was being selfish; her safety, my family’s…all sacrificed so that I could…what? I could take her to Seattle for the day? So I could stare into her eyes for a few more minutes? Kill her when the scent and my thirst became too much? Make her mine? “Will you go with me to Seattle?” I asked once more, this time making my voice concise and direct, hoping it was enough.

She seemed to be holding her breath, still gazing into my eyes, possibly trying to tell if I was being sincere. She nodded.

My heart swelled again and I could not help but smile. Then I remembered that I had promised myself, I would discourage her, “You really should stay away from me.” I was truly afraid that she would hear the gravity of my warning. I turned and walked towards my first class, saying goodbye until Biology.

I sighed as I sat down in Calculus, sure that I would not make it until I was near her again but in the same breath I did not look forward to the temptation. How would this ever work? The class went by as always, slow. Today was different though. My mind was unfocused and I found myself drifting. I followed along easily enough in case the instructor was dim enough to challenge my astuteness, though most did not bother.

I found myself thinking about her, not such an uncommon occurrence I realize now, especially since my siblings had pointed it out so elegantly this morning. The depression was the reality. I could not do this, it was wrong. My mind was in on the joke, it was the only explanation. It was letting me think that having any sort of relationship with this human was a possibility. It was allowing me to visualize a future where Bella could be with me and still breathing. I was strong, but not even Carlisle could be strong enough to resist the strength the pull her blood had on me. The pain in my chest was back.

But was there an answer? Alice’s vision came to mind but I quickly pushed it away. It was jumbled and vague to say the least. Barely glimpses of something that could happen. And the last flash, I cringed physically as I thought of it, was out of the question. I would not be responsible for something as atrocious as taking her soul, no matter my feelings for her.

My next two classes crept by, the only thing breaking the monotony was a thought from across the room. Angela is pretty, a little shy, but so is Bella…and if Bella can’t go with me. And she will say yes next time…Prom…Yorkie was hoping. I was smug. So highly sought after and I had her for that particular day, she was all mine. I had never wanted something that these children also wanted, much less someone. They had never met a rival like me. They would not win.

It was remarkably simple for me to think like this, like I was merely another boy vying for Bella Swans attention, affection. But then reality would always creep back and I could see the folly in my actions. I was a monster, not a boy or a man, and I had no right to her. She had been correct; I did have multiple personalities, the façade that I wore to blend in and the monster that lurked under the surface, always fighting to break free.

As if a reminder of this fact, while walking towards the gym, I caught a scent. Blood. It was faint, but fresh. I looked around, trying to find the source to satisfy my curiosity. It seemed to be coming from the Biology lab. I listened as the students filed out. I can’t believe I had to poke myself three times before I could even get a drop out. Still hurts. A girl was holding her finger to her mouth as she walked past me. I looked into the class room and caught sight of Mr. Banner. It would seem that today he had planned to have his classes to find their blood type. I hoped that Jasper would not come down that way. The smell of the fresh blood, even of the small drops being used, were enough to tempt the strongest of us and Jasper did not find himself among them. That could be disastrous.