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A Shadow of the Midnight Sun

My take on Midnight Sun after reading Stephenie's first chapter...begining with the return from Alaska Chapter 15 posted!---- NEXT CHAPTER...PORT ANGELAS ---- Just a note: This story is getting increasingly difficult, but I will try to update regularly...Edward is just so complicated!

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer’s fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer’s genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character.

5. Crush

Rating 3/5   Word Count 1772   Review this Chapter


Where are we going tonight? Emmett thought.

“Not far,” I replied. A grimace crossed his face. “But far enough,” I quickly added. I wanted to assure him I wasn’t making him have deer or some other non-threatening creature in the park tonight, I needed him to be in a good mood.

Whatever. Let’s just go. He wasn’t going to argue, as Alice had promised, but he wasn’t happy about the unnecessary trip to feed. The real reason I wanted him and Jasper on this trip wouldn’t make him any happier; talking wasn’t Emmett’s favorite pastime.

After, – well, just after –, I told them I wanted to stay out just a bit longer. It really was a nice night and hunting had gone very quickly, and while we didn’t reduce ourselves to deer, there were no bears around either.

What’s up? Jasper was curious. What’s with the anxiousenergy? He could feel it, I knew. He had wanted to ask me all night but kept fighting back the question, even in his mind. I wasn’t nervous about talking to my brothers, just about the subject. Jasper wasn’t too comfortable with the subject of humans, and Emmett found them categorically boring. Jasper and Emmett were staring at me now.

“It’s nothing,” I assured them.

Alice told me you wanted to ask us some questions. Of course she did, she tells Jasper everything and I am sure she had seen the question and answers already. I just nodded.

STOP IT! SPEAK OUT LOUD! Emmett was in a pretty bad mood now. I wish we had found a bear or at least something somewhat deadly, a wolf maybe.

“Sorry, man,” Jasper finally answered, I am sure, feeling Emmett’s irritation.

“Okay, I guess you both know why I have needed to hunt so much since I returned, but I wanted to talk to you about it” I started. I rarely had trouble communicating, especially with my family, but I didn’t think this would be pleasant, not with Emmett in the mood he was in tonight.

Yeah, because you have a craving for a human…Emmett found it funny. A smirk spread across his face to confirm this. I knew Jasper was somewhat amused as well, but knew all to well the difficulty I was having.

While formulating my next statement, I thought if Jasper ever had someone in school who appealed to him as Bella did me, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself; the massacre I had seen in my head would have been reality. Not that I could blame him if that was the case. This thought took me to my first question.

“You know I had to leave because I had wanted to kill Bella Swan when I met her. So I ran, and then I came back and was sure that it had just been a fleeting thing, something new, but…” I paused there to see if they saw where I was going with my question. Jasper was serious; he wanted to help, but was already thinking he couldn’t. Emmett was barely paying attention, thinking of a way to start a scuffle on the way home. I continued, raising my voice a little to get Emmett’s attention, “…it was still there today.”

This caught Emmett’s interest. So are we planning her disappearance tonight, he asked with a little too much enthusiasm. I winced – completely involuntary. Hiding the reaction instantly I scowled at him for interrupting me.

“I am just wondering, have either of you encountered something like this before? I mean irresistible blood? Blood that smelled so sweet and enticing that you could no longer be civil, no longer hide any trace of the monster we are?” I felt better once the question was out there.

Jasper still felt himself unhelpful, he answered aloud for Emmett’s sake. “You know they all smell the same to me. Good.” I smiled at him. He hadn’t been living this vegetarian lifestyle for long, I had no doubt he was only being honest. Oddly, Emmett was quiet. I looked up to see his face.

Suddenly, as I focused on Emmett, I saw his thoughts stream in front of me.

Walking down a street; a smell, mouthwatering and perfect with a hint of spice; a girl, no older than nineteen; only a few others around. I smile at her; she smiles back as I knew she would. I change direction and begin walking a few paces behind her. She looks uneasy, I can’t let her run. I don’t want to attack here in the open, but if I have to…We turn a corner, she peeks back at me, almost beckoning me, teasing...I glance quickly around…no one…I take her, it was easy, and perfect…

Emmett looked into my eyes, a guilty smile playing around his lips. I gaze at him, he wasn’t finished…

It is sometime after the first…in a forest, it is too sunny out to show myself today. I walk around the forest edge, making note of the path I would take to the town after dark. I hear someone approaching, just a hiker...it hits me – strong – …that smell, the spice and blood…I wanted that again, it was here…it is deserted up here…I can take my time…without hesitation I step out in front of her, she only has time for one moment of comprehension of the danger I represent before she is dead…almost dead…I wanted her to stay warm so I could enjoy this…it doesn’t come along to often…Rose won’t be happy…

I looked away as soon as this thought ended. I had not expected that. I peer over at Jasper, knowing he had not heard the thoughts, but saw something almost as startling. Jaspers eyes had become dark; he looked as he hadn’t eaten in weeks. As I watched him the look faded and he smiled lightly noticing my scrutiny.

“Whatever he was thinking must have been appetizing,” he said to break the tension. Emmett just laughed. I was still processing what I had seen.

“Hey, it was a long time ago,” Emmett explained. “I never told anyone about the first, but the second, Carlisle knows and Rosalie gave me hell about for years.” How had I never known about this? How did they keep it from me? Emmett, almostreading my mind, simply answered, “We kept it from everyone, at least I think we did…” he looked at Jasper quizzically.

“I never heard anything,” Jasper shook his head.

“Yeah, makes sense, I think it happened a while before you and the annoying one joined us.” Emmett said matter-of-factly.

I found my voice, “So that is it then…”

“Yeah, you want more?” Emmett mused.

“No, but I didn’t attack her, I didn’t kill her…” this was the part that I was not sure I could say, “Now, I don’t want to kill her…” not entirely true I thought. “Actually, I would like to kill her, but there is something else…”

Both of them were looking at me like I was crazy waiting for me to finish my thought. I would have to now, I thought, Emmett won’t let it go. Resigned, I continued, “when my mind goes back to thinking about murdering her…it almost causes me pain.” I said it…I am not sure I had admitted it to myself.

A smirk was on Emmett’s face again, Jasper was still staring at me intently. It’s worse than a craving…You have a crush on a human! Emmett’s mind and voice roared with laughter.Emmett thought he was funny.

I looked for a more rational opinion from Jasper, but he had nothing. Poor Edward was all he thought.

I narrowed my eyes at them, shaking my head, but neither of them let up.

“When you said all of the boys were excited about the Swan girl arriving I didn’t realize…” Emmett was enjoying this. Of all the silly things…a human! He was in disbelief.

“Edward, let’s be rational…you would be better off offing her than lusting after her…” Emmett reasoned. “But Rose will be amused.”

I jerked my head up to look at him. “You will not tell anyone else about this!” I threatened. “It is not a crush…just a feeling. I am sure it will pass. I was just…curious.” I felt like I needed to catch my breath, of course I never needed to catch my breath.

“Well, Edward, I only have eyes for Rosalie and Jasper over there seems to like Alice, something I never understood.” Emmett replied, shaking his head. He was near rolling now. Jasper reached over and gave him a shove, knocking him into a small tree a hundred yards away.

Emmett was still laughing as he got up. Jasper, to his credit, was at least fighting the urge to laugh at me too.

“It’s no big deal, I just wondered if anything like this ever happened to one of you. I knew better...” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Let’s go.”

Emmett took off ahead of us, still chuckling to himself. Jasper turned and looked at me before we headed home. His eyes were concerned now, feeling my frustration and anger. Alice says it will be okay he thought. I always bet on Alice, though she wouldn’t exactly tell me what would happen. She always told him everything, but he was good at keeping secrets. He smiled back at me sheepishly as we started home.

As we got closer to the house Emmett seemed to calm a little. Jasper was stealing glances in my direction to gage the changes in my mood he could feel. I wasn’t irate anymore; I expected it from Emmett, no reason to be upset.

I stopped as we came very close to home, my brothers obliged. “Emmett,” I started, “please don’t go blurting your theory to everyone, be a friend.” I was almost begging.

“You know, little brother, knowing Rosalie, she probably would not be as amused as I was anyway.” He had a heart sometimes. “Besides, you should probably be asking old Jas the same thing…he is more likely to give you up.” He was laughing again.

I looked at Jasper. He smiled guiltily, knowing he would not have to tell Alice anything, she would already know everything that happened tonight. “I won’t say anything” he assured me.

“Thanks,” was all I could get out before Alice was standing in the middle of our group.

“Hey guys, nice trip?” she sung. Feel better, she asked me silently. She was just being nice, she knew what had happened, I could tell by the way her eyes twinkled that she had already had her laugh.