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A Shadow of the Midnight Sun

Summary:
My take on Midnight Sun after reading Stephenie's first chapter...begining with the return from Alaska Chapter 15 posted!---- NEXT CHAPTER...PORT ANGELAS ---- Just a note: This story is getting increasingly difficult, but I will try to update regularly...Edward is just so complicated!


Notes:
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer’s fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer’s genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character.


7. Worry

Rating 3/5   Word Count 2945   Review this Chapter

Worry

I move into the hospital as quickly as I could, searching the minds of the occupants of the building for Carlisle. I found him, he knew I was here, he knew what I had done.

They sent her for an x-ray he thought as I approached him in the hall. I looked at him, I should be use to his calmness after a hundred years, but the calm in the mist of my mistake seemed out of place. He was still going about his normal business. He saw the worry in my face.

Come to my office, we can talk there. He nodded down the hall in the direction of his office, I followed obediently.

As he closed the door I slumped down in the chair in front of his desk. He pulled the second chair in front of me and looked me in the eyes. Edward, tell me what is going on. He looked worried now. Here was my father, the man who had cared for me so long, I had ruined our quiet existence in this nice town with one brainless decision, yet he was concerned about me.

“I don’t know what is happening. It’s the girl, I tried...” I wasn’t use to feeling this helpless, I didn’t like it. “I think I convinced her not to say anything for now, but I am not sure how long she will keep her promise.” I needed to explain myself, I just couldn’t find the words, this had been happening a lot lately.

“Son, we all make mistakes. Maybe it will work out…” he seemed almost sure of it. I searched his thoughts and saw that Alice had told him that we had nothing to worry about yet. So, Bella will keep her promise, but for how long? When I couldn’t offer her an explanation, what would she do then?

I thought about the possibilities that she might keep her word. “We can’t be sure…” Alice was not always right.

Let’s worry about it when the time comes he looked at me hard again. Tell me how this happened, why you would put yourself in this situation…He had a right to know, I had put him in the situation too.

“It’s hard to explain,” I started. “You know what I told you about the smell of her blood and what it did – does – to me, well, there is another odd complication…” I almost laughed at my use of the word “complication”; this didn’t even begin to explain it. Carlisle didn’t guess; he waited for me to finish.

“Emmett called it a crush,” I would have blushed if it were possible, talking to my father about my feelings about a girl. He may not be my birth father, but he treated me as a son and I looked at him as my father, a hundred years old or not, this was new. It wasn’t if I was merely reveling that I had a crush on a girl and was worried she didn’t like me back, this was worse, I was admitting I was willing to put us in danger for a human, I was too weak to ignore these human emotions. I had never claimed to be as strong and able as my father, but I always thought I could be close.

A small smile appeared on his face. Ah, complicated. He acted as if this was normal. I couldn’t understand this reaction. I was confessing a dangerous infatuation with a human, a human I had risked our secret for on more than one occasion.

“I’m sorry,” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Edward, you don’t have to apologize, I don’t think it is your fault.” He seemed thoughtful. I looked into his thoughts. He was thinking of the day I visited him before leaving for Alaska. The description of the impact the girl’s blood had on me, the irresistible urges it brought in me. I winced. I longed for the time where all I wanted was to kill her, taste her blood. Anger flared in my chest, there had to be another explanation.

As if reading my mind, Carlisle decided to tell me his theory out loud. “Edward, I think that the desire you have for her blood and the desire you have to save her, to know her…” he added the last part apprehensively scrutinizing my reaction. I looked at him but did not confirm or deny what he said. “I think that they are not necessarily exclusive of one another.”

He stopped there to allow me to consider what he said. The anger had dimmed for the moment while Carlisle explained his theory. “You see, I wonder that if more of our kind could stop and do what you have done, they may find that the desire did not stop with the scent.” He paused there. After some consideration he continued, “This is only a theory; you are the only one I know who didn’t give in to our more…primitive…instincts when presented with this type of thing.” He seemed like he had said what he wanted to say. I probed his mind looking for more explanation. To my dismay, I only saw that this theory must have been no more than something to make me feel better about my lapse in judgment. I knew it, but did not say anything; I knew this is what fathers do for their sons when they make stupid mistakes.

We sat in silence for a long moment when we heard someone approaching the office. It’s her, it sounds like she is fine, ready to go home as soon as I release her. Relief washed over me for a moment. You should go see her, keep up the appearances; we can talk about this with the family later. The thought of our family’s reaction made me worry again, it was funny when it was a crush, but now I had put them in danger, they wouldn’t find it amusing anymore.

I got up as the knock at the door came. The nurse handed Carlisle a file, confirming what he had told me. “You go see your friends, let Bella know she will be able to go home as soon as I get down there,” he smiled as he turned back to the nurse to find out about Tyler, the boy who had been driving the van. It seemed he did not fair as well as Bella, but still was not hurt badly.

I took the stairs to the ER and walked near her room, avoiding the waiting room where her friends and family would be, I didn’t want to have to answer any questions.

I stopped at the double doors leading into the exam room her and Tyler shared. I could hear him apologizing profusely. She seemed to be ignoring him. I looked into his thoughts quickly, trying to find out if she had said anything about me. I can’t believe this, I was going to ask her out too…now I almost ran her over, how will that work now…I was not in his thoughts. This was a good sign. She is a very desirable creature I thought with a laugh. I entered the room quietly; Tyler’s eyes were wide when he recognized me but he was silent. Bella had her eyes closed.

I walked to the end of her bed and breathed in her alluring scent. I could tell by her breathing she was only pretending to be asleep, so I asked without concern of waking her, “Is she sleeping?” Her eyes popped open and glared at me, agitation very present in the deep brown eyes.

My question must have snapped Tyler out of the shock that my presents had brought as well. I saw in his mind that Bella had stuck with our story, she had told him I was standing next to her. He began, “Hey, Edward, I’m really sorry –,” I stopped him before he continued.

“No blood, no foul,” I told him.

Then it hit me, a reason. I had a reason I had saved her. If the van had hit her, had spilled her blood, there wouldn’t be any doubt that I would have become the monster I was at the smell of her flowing blood, I would have surely exposed us. This was the reason. It had to be.

I moved over to sit on the side of Tyler’s bed, relief for a valid reason washed over me, no matter how hard I had to work to find it.

Bella was very headstrong, she wasn’t happy. “So, what’s the verdict?” I asked as if I didn’t know. I was going to go about this casually, no reason to worry, maybe I could trust Alice.

“There’s nothing wrong with me at all, but they won’t let me go,” she eyed me angrily. “How come you aren’t strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?”

I thought about that for a moment and shrugged, “It’s all about who you know.” And then I heard Carlisle coming down the hall and decided to alleviate her unhappiness, “But don’t worry, I came to spring you.” I smiled at her as Carlisle came into the room.

He glanced at me quickly from the corner of his eye, everything still okay I guess. I moved my head almost undetectable up and down in a nod.

Carlisle greeted bell and gave her the news that everything was fine. He checked her head, lightly probing the injured area. She grimaced lightly. “Tender?” he asked.

“Not really” she replied. She was a bad liar. Carlisle thought the same. I tried to suppress a laugh at his thought.

“Well, your father is in the waiting room – you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy to have trouble with your eyesight at all.” Doctor’s orders, maybe she would listen to him.

“Can’t I go back to school?” she asked. What a strange girl, a free pass from the monotony of school, yet she wants to go back. I couldn’t imagine why, and since I can’t see her thoughts, I guess I couldn’t know.

Carlisle tried to reason with her, “Maybe you should take it easy today.” She just almost got crushed by a van; you would think she would want to go home. I was glad she wasn’t only a mystery to me.

“Does he get to go to school?” she sent me a spiteful glare.

I was sure this was making it worse, but I couldn’t help myself. “Someone has to spread the good news that we survived,” I shot back haughtily.

Now, now, Edward, be nice. Then out loud, my father told us, “Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room.”

I felt the air change as the blush went to her face. Beautiful I thought. “Oh, no,” she moaned, throwing her hands to her face. She really did not like the attention, it wasn’t an act.

Amused now, Carlisle asked, “Do you want to stay?” Interesting girl, Edward he thought as she assured him she wanted to go and he advised her again, though pointlessly, to take medicine for the pain after she almost fell onto the floor as she got up from the bed. We may want to keep an eye on her…

“It doesn’t hurt that bad,” she maintained.

“Sounds like you were extremely lucky,” he smiled as he signed her chart.

She looked over at me again with a somewhat different expression in her eyes. “Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me” she added. What was she doing? Testing to see if she could illicit a reaction from my father? She is going to be difficult.

This caught Carlisle off guard. “Oh, well, yes,” he was very obviously trying to brush off the response. He turned to the other bed to speak with Tyler then, not wanting to continue the conversation, I could only hope the bump on her head was obscuring her observations today.

She stole to my side quickly as Carlisle turned away from us. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” She whispered the request.

Difficult and stubborn, she wasn’t letting this go. “Your father is waiting for you,” I hissed back.

“I’d like to speak to you alone, if you don’t mind,” she persisted.

Anger flared in me again, why couldn’t she just be happy I had saved her and forget about the rest? I walked out of the room, around the corner, fast enough she had to work to catch up. I spun around as we were out of ear shot of Tyler. “What do you want?”

“You owe me an explanation.”

Of all the nerve, I had saved her life, and as far as she knew, risking my own, and I owe her? “I saved your life – I don’t owe you anything.”

She recoiled from my response, knowing I was right, but she did not leave it alone. “You promised.”

“Bella, you hit your head, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said it, but knew it would not help the situation.

“There’s nothing wrong with my head,” she was becoming angry too – like she had any right.

I glower at her, my irritation starting to fester. “What do you want from me, Bella?” I asked her. What was she expecting as far as an explanation?

“I want to know the truth. I want to know why I am lying for you.”

“What do you think happened?” I really wanted to know. I couldn’t stand this, arguing with her, having no idea what she was looking for really, beside the truth as she put it.

She rattled off what she had seen, notably me lifting the van before it crushed her legs and the dents that I had caused in the process. Very observant in such a situation I thought, it would be interesting in some other context. She seemed to realize how unreasonable her version of events seemed as she relayed them.

I decided it would be safest to continue in the line that she was crazy if she thought that happened. “You think I lifted a van off you?” I asked with a dubious tone. She nodded. “Nobody would believe that, you know.” I was mocking her now.

“I am not going to tell anybody” she said through clenched teeth. She sounded like she was telling the truth, but then why all the questioning?

“The why does it matter?” I was interested at her continued obligation to not tell anyone.

“It matter’s to me, I don’t like to lie – so there’d better be a good reason why I am doing it,” she answered bluntly. I understood her argument, but it didn’t change anything, I wasn’t explaining anything to her.

“Can’t you just thank me and get over it?”

“Thank you” she said, still obviously upset and unmoving.

“You’re not going to let it go, are you?” I was irritated and amused by her at the same time. How stubborn could she be?

“No.”

“In that case…” I thought of many things I could say, or do. I could end it, wait until she was alone and give her the explanation she so badly wanted, only that is the last thing she would know. I shook this thought off immediately, that now familiar pain rose in my chest. I continued with the only thing I could say, “I hope you enjoy disappointment.” I put finality in my voice I hoped she understood.

She glared at me, searching my eyes. I just stared back. She broke the silence. “Why did you even bother?” she asked.

What had she seen in my eyes? Had she seen the monster, the hate? The pain was back. “I don’t know,” I whispered. It was the only answer I could give her; it was the truth, why couldn’t I just leave her alone, stop interfering. I turned and walked away before she could see anything else in my eyes.

I waited for her to leave with her father and went back into the hospital to find Carlisle. I heard him right away and found him almost as quickly in his office.

That didn’t go too well, son, he was solemn. I nodded in acknowledgment. She is quite a girl, there was no yield coming I suppose you did what you had to do. I am afraid the family would like to talk to you. I winced at this, it wouldn’t be enjoyable, but I nodded. I will see you at home he smiled as he walked out of the room.

I called Alice as I left the hospital; I wanted to ready myself for what was coming.

She answered on the first ring, “Oh, Edward!” she laughed as she answered the phone. “How’s Bella?” she asked though I am sure everyone, especially her, knew by now.

“Alice, how bad?” is all I could ask.

“It won’t be fun and we should talk before so I can fill you in on some stuff…” she was in a good mood considering what was coming. “Come home, I have the car, nothing was happening at school after the excitement this morning.” She hung up before I could say anything.

What stuff did she want to tell me? She could be so cryptic sometimes, usually it didn’t bother me because I could see it in her mind, but over the phone it was annoying.

As soon as I had walked far enough away from the hospital and any prying eyes I ran home to ready myself for a storm.