A Shadow of the Midnight Sun
My take on Midnight Sun after reading Stephenie's first chapter...begining with the return from Alaska Chapter 15 posted!---- NEXT CHAPTER...PORT ANGELAS ---- Just a note: This story is getting increasingly difficult, but I will try to update regularly...Edward is just so complicated!
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. They are Stephenie Meyer’s fantastic creations and I am only writing this for entertainment purposes, my own and yours if someone else is reading this. In addition, if there is any dialogue Bella is in earshot of, or involved in, it is all Mrs. Meyer’s genius and some of the internal dialogue may be taken from words that Edward will later say or paraphrase to Bella or another character.
Rating 3.6/5 Word Count 1818 Review this Chapter
I left the house after the argument, not sure where I was going, just knew that I had to clear my head. I decided that there was only one place I could go where I would be sure to be alone. I ran towards the small clearing deep in the woods. I liked going to this place, in my head I called it my meadow. It was mine; I had never shared it with anyone. I had never seen anyone else there, I could be there and it would be quiet. With the voices of everyone around me constantly in my head, there were very few places I could truly be alone.
As I arrived, I slowed, thinking about the vision Alice had shown me earlier. I had seen myself, with Bella, here in my sanctuary. Moreover, in the vision, it was the brightest of days. I laughed at this thought. If Bella, or any human, were to see one of us in the sun, she wouldn't be just sitting and enjoying a nice day in a meadow, she would be running scared. That would be the normal human reaction to such a sight; their most basic instincts would tell them that there was danger, beauty, but danger. The vision was wrong, all wrong.
This little human, more breakable than most, meant nothing to me, I tried to tell myself. She was just a curiosity because of her strange ability, albeit one unknown to her, to hide her thoughts from me. I could let this go; her thoughts were of no significance. I would have to listen for any sign of betrayal, any sign that she was going to tell someone what had actually happened, but I would not have any other reason to pay any further attention to her. If fate decided, once again, to take her, I would let it happen; it wasn't of any importance to me.
My thoughts drifted back to that impossible vision. Why had Alice shown it to me? Furthermore, how could she have this vision? Bella didn't know what we were; she couldn't, so she would never become one of us, no matter what decision was made. I smiled to myself. Alice's vision had to have changed after this afternoon, my decision changed it, I was sure.
I sat in the meadow, readying myself for the next day. I would listen, I would not engage her in anyway, and everything would go back to normal. No matter what. "No matter what." I repeated aloud.
Nothing. No one thought of anyone but Bella. She was surrounded by people all day; they made her replay the whole scene over and over. I could hear her, obviously annoyed, telling them how I had saved her, maintaining I was beside her all along. Though a couple mention they had not seen me until after, none of them paid me any mind. They all worked so hard to pretend we weren't here; they had no interest in my part of the story. Their instincts naturally made them refrain from any curiosity.
That is, everyone but Mike Newton. He heard her, every time she retold the story, giving me credit for saving her life and each time his thoughts would become envious, as if I were lucky to have gotten the chance. Stupid Cullen, why couldn't it have been me beside her, I want her to notice me, and instead all she can do is talk about how he saved her. I smiled to myself thinking of what it would have meant if he had been with her at the moment, they would both be dead now, I had no doubt. He should be thanking me for saving his girlfriend I thought, humorlessly. Oddly, I flinched at the word. She wasn't his girlfriend, but what did I care if she were? It didn't make one bit of difference to me.
I continued to listen for any change in her story, any hint that she was telling Jessica about how I had been across the parking lot or that I had lifted the van. I bet she loves this, more attention for Bella. Everyone is so worried about poor Bella. She didn't even get a scratch. Mike hangs on her every word like she is so interesting. I hate this, if only I could hear what Bella was thinking, I wouldn't have to let this annoying child in my head.
Anything we need to worry about? Alice asked, though no real curiosity was in the question. I shook my head at her, lowering my eyes. It was lunch, I needed to listen. There was plenty of time for Bella to tell someone what she thought had actually happened, I needed to focus.
I heard the voices from her table as they continued to barrage her with questions about the accident, about her hospitalization, about how she felt; about everything except me. Not one of them had given my heroics a second thought. I began to relax as lunch wore on and nothing changed.
As we slowly moved from the table to go to class I heard Emmett growl in his thoughts, let's see if he can handle it. I shot him a nasty glare as we put away our trays. He didn't have to worry about me. I was anticipating some problems today, a confrontation similar to the previous day perhaps, but I knew she didn't like to draw attention to herself. I figured it would be easy enough to avoid a scene. She seemed perceptive; I would simply leave her no doubt of my disinterest in speaking to her. Then she could begin the process of forgetting and go on with her life with the other humans.
"If you start feeling bad or something tell me and I can take you to the nurse." Mike was still talking about the events from the day before. Great! Now she is going to go sit by HIM, her hero...they were friendly the other day but now she will really start to like him...I wish Mr. Banner would let me switch lab partners, maybe I should talk to him...
I was already in my seat, ready but not going to go back on my word. I would say nothing to her until she addressed me and then I would end it quickly. "Hello, Edward." She said, very quietly and with a friendly tone, she was letting me know she would not be replaying the quarrel from the day before. That made it easier. I didn't want to be boorish, so I decided I must at least acknowledge her greeting. Barely moving my head I nodded slightly and turned back to stare at the blackboard. That should do it, I have given her my message, I wasn't speaking to her. It was over.
And she seemed to understand my intent. There were no more attempts at conversation. In fact, it seemed as if everything was going as planned. Outside of the one hour a day that I sat next to her, my life seemed to go back to normal. But I could not lie, that one hour, the hour where she was so close to me I could reach out and touch her, was sometimes unbearable. I could not pinpoint where the difficulty was. Occasionally her scent would hit me hard and I would have to fight the monster within me. But other days her expression would intrigue my curiosity and I would find myself frustrated from trying to hear her thoughts and failing.
Another confession, one I could only make to myself, was that when I was alone I often thought about her. I wanted to talk to her, to understand the depth in her eyes, to know her. But this was an admission I was never willing to divulge to anyone, not even to myself most of the time. I found myself listening to those around her as well, never realizing it until I was caught up in a conversation. I would always justify the awareness to myself with a claim of vigilance; I had to know if she had decided to tell someone about the accident. I would never let any of my family know I had thought of the girl every day since I had isolated myself from her.
Most of the family did not notice any changes in me at all; that was except for Alice, she knew me too well. Edward, you are miserable, why can't I just tell everyone what I saw? I had been right about her first vision, the entire thing had vanished now and she was upset about it. You were so happy...and so was I. She never explained that part, I never pressed her either. There was no need, the vision was gone now.
The moping Alice so insolently alluded to when she would try to persuade a change of heart would dissipate, if not very soon, then as soon as I was away from Isabella Swan. There were only so many days left in the current school year, and then I would be sure I was no where near her in the next. There was no reason to worry.
March finally arrived. Everything was still working out well. Bella seemed to be going about her life, ignoring me as completely as I did her, only stealing glances on occasion when she thought I would not notice. Unfortunately, I noticed. But no matter, it did not change a thing. I was steadfast on this fact.
My family and I were discussing some upcoming travel plans during the lunch period when I first noticed it. I can't believe this, maybe Eric will go with me, I should ask him. But then what if Mike decides he wants to go with me? I know he is waiting for Bella to ask him, stupid Bella, always the center of attention...Jessica, again. She was a monster, so friendly to Bella on the outside, but so full of jealousy and hatred, that urge to protect Bella flared inside me again. I shook it off immediately; it was illogical for me to have these feelings. But I continued to listen despite myself.
I wonder if Bella would ask me, Eric Yorkie was thinking about the Girl's Choice soiree that would be held in the gym in a few weeks time as well. It was a silly event, one that we would avoid at all cost. He was not the only one who had Bella on their mind. What is with this girl? There was something strange bubbling inside of me as I thought about this, listening to these boys' thoughts about her.
As I walked to Biology I decided that I could not do this anymore, I was being ridiculous. I had to stop thinking about her, I had to stop listening for her name. I had to stop, completely. I would stop, now.
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