This is going to be in my new spoof series I'm making. I won't neglect my writing, but it's where you'll (hopefully) find some real funny spoofs. This is one my friend semi-requested. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1
Rating 5/5 Word Count 531 Review this Chapter
I sat in bella's chair, having arrived from hunting early, and not wanting to upset her warm body.
"Edward," she whispered, the name blowing through her lips and making my heart jump up my throat. "Bella," I whispered back and she smiled in her slumber.
Suddenly, a small bug landed on her hand, and her nose wrinkled, then relaxed. I narrowed my eyes at the bug, ready to slaughter it for anything it did to cause Bella the slightest awkwardness while she dreamed.
The small wings creature fluttered lightly, adjusting it's position. I growled softly and it twitched nervously. This bug was dead.
It buzzed threateningly and I stalked silently forward. But I could only watch helplessly, not wanting to disturb Bella's sleep. What blasphemy that would be. It was taunting me.
Then, the little demon dived it's little mouth into her flesh, and started to drink her blood.
I snapped. I rocketed forward toward the bug but it took flight, buzzing at the very top, so it's wings brushed the plaster ceiling. I ran around the room quietly, smelling Bella's blood in the little mosquito.
That was the most unfair thing. I loved her and harnessed my control and this little bug got to come suck up what I treasured immensely. No, not fair at all.
I growled a little too loud and heard her heartbeat quicken. I immediately stopped running and glared as the bug joyfully escaped out the window, heading towards my house.
"Edward? What are you doing? Your hair..."
I felt the top of my head and realized my hair was sticking strait up, from the running I'd been doing.
"I just got in," I lied and my stomach punished me, twisting tightly.
She smiled brightly and flew out of her bed. I immediately forgot about my flying foe and enveloped her in an icy embrace. I inhaled her scent, and burrowed my nose into her soft and tangled hair. I couldn't imagine anyone more beautiful.
"Human moment?" I guessed as her face fell.
"Yes," she pouted.
"Take your time."
I heard her footsteps pad down the hall and shut the door as I inhaled her scent, my eyes closed.
The buzzing of the hot water heater rumbled on and I frowned, sitting grumpily down on the rocking chair. The stupid little bug had gotten away. With MY Bella's blood. Mine.
I pondered ways to defeat the little bug, ignoring Alice's numerous calls. When the phone vibrated for the thirty-second time, I chucked it out the window, as it crumbled into the dark pavement of the road. Alice must've seen that coming.
I growled and verbally assaulted someone's mother a continual amounts of times before I heard the bathroom door swing open. The clicking of the door handle actuated the composing of my face, which was relatively calm as Bella slipped through the door, her hair darker and longer, when wet.
"Bella," I murmured, kissing her forehead. I grabbed her hand, trying to distract myself, but at the same time knowing I would not rest until that mosquito was found.
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- 09 May 08
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