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The Mosquito

This is going to be in my new spoof series I'm making. I won't neglect my writing, but it's where you'll (hopefully) find some real funny spoofs. This is one my friend semi-requested. Enjoy!


2. Warfare

Rating 5/5   Word Count 502   Review this Chapter

Stupid bug. I swatted at the mosquito, but at the same time, didn't want to get it stuck in my wet nail polish.

Ew. It would be blasphemy if that stupid little black insect marred my beautiful sheen of pink, that curiously matched the blush Bella always did if embarrassed.

I shrugged. Stupid coincidence. Now I debated between striping a glossy black across the top in a twisted french manicure.


"What?" He stuck his head in the door, where his hair was messed up beyond it's curly mop. He must have been wrestling.

I pushed my bottom lip out in an attractive pout. I knew he would succumb to it. Mwaha.

"Emmett....this bug is really bothering me." Perfect. I tried not to scowl when the required eye contact was not met. His head was out the door threatening Jasper. Curses!

"Brb Rose!" Emmett dashed out the room and I heard the banister crumble as he hurled himself at Jasper, with a rebel yell.

"Yankees will conquer all!"


A huge boom erupted through the house and I could imagine Esme wince.

"ALICE!" I wailed, desperate to know what I should do with my nails.

Her head poked through the door, but she seemed focused on something else. I glared until, with a resigned sigh, she closed the door slowly, still watching the recreation of the Civil War.


"Sorry," she mumbled, regretfully closing the door, but not before shouting, "The North shall triumph again!"

I heard Jasper growl and the booms escalated.

"Excellent," Alice hissed as she sat down on my bed, finally turning the attention to me.

"Now that you have altered history," I snapped sardonically, "tell me what to do with my nails."

She frowned in concentration.

"But it's so good either way!"

"I know!"

"I see the conflict..." She looked sadly at me, but then her face brightened at the same time an idea lit up mine!


"Exactly. I'll leave my nails and do the french manicure on my TOES."

"Why didn't I think of it?!" Alice shook her head in amazement.

Just then, a buzzing interrupted our euphoria.















We were both twitching uncontrollably as the mosquito got closer.

"KILL IT!!!!!!!" I screamed and we both charged, letting out banshee yells.

The fighting downstairs stopped and it was quiet except for our yelling. The little bug flew recklessly in little dips, dives and circles, trying to escape the massacre.

Suddenly, Jasper sucked in a deep breath and yelled, "INDIANS!"

"COWBOYS!" Alice and I screamed back and the door flew open.

We both barreled towards Emmett and the fight began.