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Jasper's Funny Side

What happens when Bella falls down the stairs of the Cullen household again? Will Edward ever stop fussing over her? And what will Jasper's reaction be? Will he be able to resist his thirst? Or will it end... Badly? Of course not - that's why it's 'Jasper's Funny Side' not; 'Jasper eats Bella'.

Well, I have ten minutes before I have to start revising again, so... I'd like to point out that Jasper isn't really mentioned a lot in stories, and when he is, he's often portrayed as the bad guy, trying to drink Bella's blood and stuff... Well, I'm not gonna spoil the story for you or anything, but if you have stories about Jasper and how cool he is, I wanna read them. Unless he's getting off with Bella, or Edward or Emmet for that matter. Or even Rosalie. Because that's kinda ruining the great stortlines which are already there for the taking...

1. I ~ The Incident

Rating 5/5   Word Count 910   Review this Chapter

“Alice?” I called, as I walked (at human speed) through the front door of the airy, Victorian-style mansion which I shared with the rest of my family; my ‘parents’ Esme and Carlisle, my ‘brothers’ Edward and Emmet, my ‘sister’ Rosalie, and Alice, my wife.

Who was apparently not here.

Edward however, was, judging from the emotions pouring from his room. And from the embarrassment I could feel, I deduced Bella was too.

‘Edward’ I thought, knowing he’d have heard me calling Alice, but not wanting to interrupt if he was 'busy' with Bella. Which apparently, he wasn’t, as he almost shocked me by appearing at the top of the stairs.

“What is it Jasper?” He asked, cheerfully. He was only ever this cheerful when Bella was round, and so I was hardly surprised when she tumbled down the adjacent flight of stairs, having tripped on the runner Esme had put in last week, and banging her head on the freshly painted crimson wall (Esme had gotten bored of the ‘Cookies ‘n’ cream’ colour scheme she’d chosen about a month ago and moved on to the ‘Cheese ‘n’ wine’ collection).

“Bella!” exclaimed Edward, afraid, as he noticed the red paint all over her head “Are you okay?” I stifled a giggle.

Edward glared at me before returning to examining Bella carefully for any sign of injury. “Perhaps I ought to take you to the hospital” he murmured softly.

“Why?” Asked Bella, confused “It’s just a bump on the head, it’s not like I haven’t had one of them before” I noticed that Edward wasn’t breathing, and I realised – he thought that the paint was blood.

I saw Bella coming to the same conclusion at the same time I did. I began to recite the alphabet backwards, hoping Edward was too preoccupied with Bella to check why I was blocking my thoughts.

Bella rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth to explain to Edward that it was really paint, but then closed it again, a mischievous smile spreading across her face. I grinned at her, and nodded once, before sending a wave of exhaustion over her. She swooned, just as I’d hoped.

“Bella!” cried Edward frantically, catching her before she could hit the floor.

“Edward?” moaned Bella weakly

“I'm here love! What’s wrong?” he tightened his grip on her, and I could feel his fear. I felt bad about teasing him, but still… he had mocked my McFly obsession…

Payback time.

“I feel a little dizzy. Can I sit down a minute?” asked Bella, gripping his arm tightly

“Of course Bella” he replied anxiously, before picking her up and carrying her down the wide staircase.

As he passed me, I tensed up, pretending to react to the smell of her ‘blood’. Edward ignored me and laid Bella gently on the sofa.

“Can I get you anything Bella?” He asked tenderly.

“Can I have a glass of water?” She asked in the same pathetic voice.

“Of course love” he said, glancing at me worriedly. I made a show of holding my breath and walking out the door.

“I'm good!” I called “Completely under control! I think I might actually be getting better at this” I laughed, listening carefully until Edward had left the room, before sneaking back in.

Bella laughed silently as I got the paint tin out from under the stairs and splodged some on the floor, making it look like a puddle of blood.

I prayed silently that Edward was still not breathing. Then, I grabbed Bella and flung her over one shoulder, growling fiercely. Bella, catching my hint, screamed. I sprinted out the door as I heard glass breaking in the kitchen.

“Bella!” Edward yelled hysterically from the kitchen as I hit the forest, Bella giggling as we headed away from the house. Suddenly, Alice was beside me, also laughing, but quietly.

“Will it work?” I asked her, grinning like a loony.

“Yep!” She replied. “ I saw what you and Bella were planning so I came right back! I didn’t want to miss out on the fun. Stop here, he’ll be here in about 2 minutes!”

“That’s a long time for him” frowned Bella

“He’s really worried about you, so he keeps crashing into branches. And he’s still not breathing. Are you blocking your thoughts?” chuckled Alice, turning to me as she asked the question. I nodded, smiling.

“Scream, Bella” whispered Alice. Bella complied, her voice catching slightly as she fought down a bout of giggles, but it just made it sound more authentic.

Alice began to count down under her breath;

Five, four, three, two, one…” We all burst into hysterics at the look on Edward’s face as he shot into the clearing, only to find the love of his life was not being eaten by his adopted brother.

“What – hang on..” He looked, confused, from one face to another. “Umm… Alice? Care to explain?”

“Try breathing Edward!” Squealed Alice, clapping her hands, as ecstatic as if she’d just heard that her favourite shoe shop was having a sale.

Edward took a deep breath, and his eyes widened in disbelief as he smelt the paint. Bella got up from where I’d sat her on a nearby tree stump and ran into Edwards arms. Soon, we were all rolling around in hysterics.

“Umm, hello?” Asked Esme, annoyed, Carlisle behind her with a stern look on his face, though I could tell he was actually struggling to stop the laughter.

“Anyone want to explain why there’s paint all over the living room floor?”