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Dreaming of the Breaking Dawn

Summary:
Post-eclipse; Bella and Edward and Bella's first demand. Lots of teasing, a little turn of the tables, and then...well, you will have to read it... The became much more than I originally meant for it to...it has become a fluffy story of the last days of Bella's life in Forks.... COMPELTE


Notes:
I don’t usually like post-eclipse stories, I would prefer to write Edward's point of view from something I have already read, but this just came to me. I have it rated Adult now, but I really don't think it will ever get to that point, I want to keep it in the same voice and I could never see Stephenie writing anything graphic...plus, the story isn't there yet...they may not...=o)


18. Ready

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2687   Review this Chapter

Ready

Edward?

I was sitting in the small living room now, my head in my hands. I was preparing. Carlisle’s thoughts brought me back to the cottage. I looked at him trying to remain calm. Do you want to go through it again? I shook my head. I remembered, I had seen it.

Bella was taking a shower now. It was her way of preparing. I only left her side because she asked me to give her some time. I knew she needed to call her father and mother. She had mumbled in her sleep the night before about being strong for them. I knew she was talking about her family. I heard her on the phone with each Renee and Charlie, relaying some random information about the school we were not at, her voice only cracking when she was saying her last goodbye. She had also called the dog. She didn’t hold back the tears for him, but surprisingly he had calmed her. I hadn’t heard his side of the conversation but she was laughing lightly when she hung up. I had half expected her to come in and tell me she had changed her mind, but she just peeked her head out of the room to tell me she would shower and then be ready, her beautiful smile in place.

Carlisle was very aware of my discomfort with the situation, though I had assured him that I was ready. He still thought it was for the best, since I had chosen not to live without her, to him, it was the only way. “Son, you never told me? Would you and Bella like me to be in the room when you...?”

I sighed, Bella had given me her opinion on this, much to my chagrin, “no, she would prefer you leave the room while I do it. I explained to her that you would like to examine her before we begin, and she is fine with that and with you being there after.”

And you?

“I would rather you be in there, but you know she is stubborn and asked for it to be this way, I won’t deny her,” I couldn’t believe I was talking about this. I had vowed the moment Alice saw her becoming one of us that it would never happen. I was going to do everything in my power to stop it. But here I was, elated by the prospect of her being with me forever; I couldn’t even fathom not wanting this, not now. I was not, however, thrilled about the method to which it had to be done.

Carlisle chuckled, he knew about stubborn women. “It will be fine. I will be very close by. There’s nothing to worry about.” She’s right, she is your wife, it should be private.

We sat in silence for a while, only Carlisle’s thoughts were audible, and only to me. I looked up at him, listening to his newest theory, or maybe it was a hope, I never knew. “Do you really think it makes a difference?” I asked him.

His head snapped up. “I’m sorry Edward. Please don’t think I am thinking about this as an experiment. I love Bella, you know that. It is just interesting. I am not sure if it will make a difference that she is making the decision to become one of us, but it will definitely make those moments after she wakes up a little easier.” He smiled wryly at me. I chuckled. I knew what he meant. He had explained what I was to me when I woke up so long ago, and Rosalie and Esme as well. It was not something one wants to accept – to say the least.

“Edward?” she called me from our room. She had only whispered, but she knew I would come. I walked into the room to find her standing at the dresser in only a towel looking very perplexed. “What do I wear?” she looked at me.

I couldn’t hold back the laugh. “You didn’t see the formal attire in the closet?” Now she scowled at me and stuck her tongue out. We both reflected on that night so long ago when I forced her to go to the prom. I pulled her against me, pressing my lips against her still wet hair. “Something comfortable, just some sweats or pajamas will be good.”

“I know what I want to wear,” she smiled up at me mischievously as she began pulling my shirt up.

“Bella? Carlisle’s here and waiting for us,” I told her, hoping she understood.

She blushed, realizing what I was insinuating, “I know that! I just want to be able to have you with me, to be able to think of you while...and what better way than to wear your clothes?”

“I won’t leave your side; you will be able to feel me the entire time,” I promised.

Shrugging she continued to pull my shirt from my body, I obliged as I watched as she slid the shirt on. She added some shorts and threw herself into my arms. I kissed her hard and placed her onto the edge of the bed.

Grabbing a new shirt I looked at her and smiled. “I am going to go get Carlisle, if you are ready?” Her face was serious now, she only nodded.

Carlisle was at the door when I opened it. She seems calm, is she okay? I shrugged slightly, hoping she wouldn’t notice. He walked in and smiled at her, “So Bella, I just want to make sure you are in good shape, I want to be sure your body is ready for this, or as ready as it can be anyway. No reason to take any unnecessary risks.”

“Thank you Carlisle – for everything,” she smiled as he began counting her heartbeats in his head, not needing to feel for a pulse. I didn’t take long; you don’t have to be in too great of shape to die.

My father stood up and began making his way to the other side of the room. “Okay, kids are we ready for this?” he had a wary look. Everything will be fine. This is always the hardest part. He was assuring me. “Bella, has Edward told you what is going to happen? Did you want me to go over the bite areas? Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to try the morphine?”

My Bella smiled at him again, “Yes, Edward explained everything to me. And if you don’t think that morphine will really help, there is no reason to add anything else into the mix.” I could tell that she was thinking of the looming pain that she was in for.

“Okay, I will be right outside of the door,” he looked at Bella intently. “If anything doesn’t feel right, someone let me know.” He was talking to Bella, he wanted her to know that she should call out if I was out of control. I silently thanked him for this. I know you can do this Edward, but just in case. I have all the faith in the world that everything will be great. Alice is sure as well, she is excited to welcome her new sister. I nodded and walked out of the room with him.

“Could you give us some time? I will call you when we are ready.” He smiled and walked towards the door.

“Oh, and Edward, just remember, you are just as strong as she knows you are and she needs you to know it.” I could only smile as he reiterated Bella’s exact thoughts from days before.

I took a deep breath and walked into the room. “I heard the door? Did he leave?” she asked when she saw me. I was listening for panic in her words but she was only curious.

“Yes, I asked him for a few more minutes. I wanted you to myself for just a little longer.”

Her smile never left her face as she scooted herself up against the headboard and patted the space beside her beckoning me. “You are a very selfish man, Mr. Cullen,” She teased. She really had no idea. If it was up to me, change or no change no one else would every see her, it would just be the two of us, forever.

“Well, Mrs. Cullen, who wouldn’t want you all to themselves? I just happen to be the luckiest creature on earth to have caught you. I don’t know who I need to thank for sending you to me…” I settled beside her as she leaned into my neck.

She giggled, I couldn’t believe how at ease she seemed to be. “I think you have that backward. There is no way I deserve you.”

She was still infuriating at times – so stubborn. “Bella, love, do I have to go through this again? You don’t deserve me. I am nothing to be desired.” I had told her this many times, she would never listen.

“Well, if what you are shouldn’t be desired, then I am ready to become undesirable with you,” she wrinkled her nose at me. I had to laugh.

“Oh, love, there is no way that you will ever be undesirable,” I pulled her on top of me, moving my lips against her neck. I breathed deep, enjoying the scent of her delicate nature. There was no urge to drink her blood, no monster trying to take control. The only urge was that of a man for his wife. Love. Maybe I could do this.

Of course I could.

She pulled me up from her neck with her palms on either side of my face. She stared into my eyes, seeing every part of me. “You look determined,” she said with a smirk. “I knew you would see it my way eventually.” I rolled my eyes at her, but she was right.

I kissed her softly and looked into her eyes this time. “Bella, are you not nervous? You look positively serene…”

“Ha, nothing about me is serene right now. But I am happy Edward. I was afraid this day would never come,” she looked as if she had said something she had not meant to. I knew she still worried that I would break my promises again, I deserved that, and I would be forever making it up to her.

“If it is what you want, then the day is here,” I told her, careful to not let her see the pain that her fear stirred in me.

Pulling her hands from my face, she leaned into my chest, her ear where my heart would beat, she sighed. “Is this what you want?”

I wanted to tell her exactly what I wanted. I needed to tell her. I had not told her that I was thrilled about the thought of me and her for eternity. I had not told her that I felt like she was the soul I had been mourning for so long. She knew I loved her, but I wasn’t sure that she could ever understand how much she meant to me, even if I told her every second of every day. “Yes,” was all I could get out.

She lifted her head from me and looked into my face once again. She beamed. “You have never admitted that you wanted this. You have always been so opposed. Oh, Edward…” tears were falling from her eyes now. My chest constricted at the sight.

“Bella?”

“I’m happy,” she explained, wiping her eyes. “I didn’t think you would accept it. I thought you were going into this unwilling and unhappy.”

Oh god. She really had no idea. I would have told her sooner if I had thought it was upsetting her. “Bella, my angel…you have to know, there is nothing in this world I want more than you. I just worry that once it is done, you will be unhappy. I couldn’t bear knowing I took something so precious from this world.”

“Do you really think you are the only one in this? I am right here with you Edward; and as long as I am with you, no matter what I am…I will be happy. I love you just as much as you love me, don’t think any different. Don’t think that just because you are immortal that you feel something I don’t. Remember that day? In our meadow, the first time? You told me I was the most important thing to you. I believed you then because I knew you were that to me as well.”

I had told her many times that she was the most important thing ever to me, but it seemed fit that she thought to that first day. I remembered all too well the frustration of that statement. There was so much behind it. I loved her. I thirsted for her. I wanted her. Not much had changed, only the thirst, or so it seemed. I exist for her. “Now I must fight the one part of me so that I can have the rest,” I thought aloud.

“I don’t think you will have any trouble,” she said without any sign of doubt. I would win, though I knew it would be a fight. “Ready?” she asked a little bit too eagerly, a little edge to her voice.

“Almost…but there was one thing you had asked for before…” she was lost. I pulled her to me and kissed her. I knew we had broken all boundaries days before but I wanted another minute. The kiss was deep, the embrace passionate. “I love you,” I whispered again as I placed her back against the headboard.

“I love you, too,” she put her warm hand in mine.

Slowly moving from the bed I walked out the door and called Carlisle. He would be here momentarily he said. I walked back into the room and sat on the bed beside her, listening to her heart rate increase exponentially as the seconds ticked by. I am here; let me know if you need me. Carlisle stationed himself close to the bedroom door.

I sighed and looked to her. “Are you ready?” She nodded and laid her head on the pillow. I kneeled onto the floor beside the bed, holding her hand in mine. I looked into her eyes, knowing this would be the last time they were the deep brown eyes that had captivated me at first glance, and many times after. I knew soon they would be scarlet, and after than golden, but never quite the same. I would not lament for her eyes or her blood though, I would rejoice in our love.

I was ready.

Leaning over I kissed her again. I trailed the soft kisses down her jaw and against her ear, one last declaration of love whispered, I moved my kisses down to her neck, right to her pulse point, I felt the rush of her warm blood against my lips. I looked back into her eyes, seeing love, apprehension and fierce resolve all in the same second. With a small movement of confirmation I knew she was ready.

I parted my lips tentatively but my body fought. It wasn’t the fight I had expected. I closed my eyes, reminding myself that it was what she wanted, what we wanted and felt her hand move to my head, entwining her fingers into my hair, pressing me against her. With her encouragement I was able to do it. I pierced her skin quickly; the taste of her blood seared my throat, much the same way the need had burned on that first day. The taste was divine, but my body told me it was unpleasant. I realized the monster was cowering. It now knew the repercussions of lost control; it had an instinctual understanding of self preservation. I could only smile at the realization. I took and gave only what was needed, my bites quick and precise. I called Carlisle to the room soon after.

I sat by her, our hands still clutched, victorious against my worst fear. Carlisle confirmed everything was as expected. I leaned over her and placed a tender kiss on by dying bride’s lips, already twisted in pain. No sound had escaped her until that moment when she gasped, “I love you, Edward.” That would be the last comforting sound for several days.