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Dreaming of the Breaking Dawn

Summary:
Post-eclipse; Bella and Edward and Bella's first demand. Lots of teasing, a little turn of the tables, and then...well, you will have to read it... The became much more than I originally meant for it to...it has become a fluffy story of the last days of Bella's life in Forks.... COMPELTE


Notes:
I don’t usually like post-eclipse stories, I would prefer to write Edward's point of view from something I have already read, but this just came to me. I have it rated Adult now, but I really don't think it will ever get to that point, I want to keep it in the same voice and I could never see Stephenie writing anything graphic...plus, the story isn't there yet...they may not...=o)


5. Resolve

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2210   Review this Chapter

Resolve

He was confused, but I had to move away from him, at least until I was sure my resolve wouldn’t waiver. It was hard, having even the small distance of a foot between us. I wanted to touch his hand, sit in his lap…kiss him. This is why I could not be closer to him right now. He should appreciate this; I shouldn’t have to tell him.

His head angled to one side, his eyes probing my eyes, I realize he has no idea what had just happened. He doesn’t see he has been let off the hook…at least on this matter. I really did not want to have to say it to him. Communicating that I wanted him had been easy, my body told him, it always had.

Edward was too good – too perfect – he would see that I stopped for him and it would upset him. He has told me so many times over the months that I did too much for everyone else and nothing for myself.

It was not true, not really. I had done the wedding for my parents, but in that case, it was important. I had to let them know I was happy, my life was perfect. They had to know this because I would disappear soon and if they at least knew this much they could go about their lives, be happy.

This is what I told myself they could do, I wasn’t willing to think about how much my sudden departure would hurt them, especially Charlie. And Alice just got to have the fun, I was going to have the wedding anyway.

As Edward stared at me, waiting to understand my sudden distance, I looked into his eyes, beautiful and topaz now, and then looked away. I was not ready to talk yet; he could see that but never broke his gaze, still trying to see inside of my head even after all this time.

I let my mind wander. A conversation I had with Rosalie, only the second conversation I had ever had with her of any consequence, on my wedding day came to mind. We were friends now, or friendly may be a better term, but either way, she didn’t seem to hate me anymore, not even as my resolve had become so final to become part of their family in a more than a legal way

I was alone, since Alice had a hundred last minute things to take care of, and Rosalie had come to see me shortly before I was due to walk down the aisle; she had looked thoughtful as she glided gracefully into the room. This had made me nervous at the time, I was afraid this would be another attempt to persuade me from my decision to become a vampire. I did not want to argue about it with my parents outside of the room and Edward waiting for me at the end of the aisle in his tux, so I readied myself to have to stop the conversation before it had began.

She stopped in front of me, reaching out to place a strand of my hair that had fallen out of place. Alice had been working on making my hair presentable, as she put it, all morning, she had threatened to cut it all off but decided that Edward wouldn’t like that. As Rosalie stood in front of me, flawless and breathtaking, easily eclipsing me without even trying or meaning to, I could only stare at her, wondering when it was coming.

“I want to talk to you about something…”she started.

I shook my head before she could continue and whispered through my teeth, “Rosalie, please, I will take all of your arguments in to consideration before, but not today, okay. Everyone is waiting; I don’t want them to come in looking for me.”

“I truly hope you will, but that is not what I came to talk to you about,” she answered. Surprise, I let her continue. “I wanted to tell you…I am glad you are here, marrying my brother,” she smiled.

“I - - I am glad your brother is willing to take me as his wife.” I shrugged, though I had still wished he would have waited a few hundred years to make it official, but I didn’t say that out loud.

Rosalie just laughed. “Bella, Edward would take you any way he could get you. He loves you…more than I thought it was possible to love someone…” she seemed to become serious again. “That brings me to something else,” she seemed to be formulating the right words, “be patient with him…when it comes to love, he is only seventeen, no matter how many years he has been that age.”

I was confused; did she think he would fall out of love with me, like a silly crush? Was she trying to talk me out of marrying him?

Registering the panic in my face, she laughed again. “I am just telling you, he has never been in love, you have seen how over protective he is, how he is determined to never let anything happen to you…” annoying, but things that I loved about him none the less. Still smiling, “it is just that those things can begin to ware on you. I don’t want you to resent him for it.”

I wanted to laugh now, like I could even stay mad at Edward, much less resent him. “Rosalie, I love him, I think more than anyone could possibly imagine. I have seen him be overprotective, and he is often unreasonable, but it just makes me love him more.” It was all true, his quirks, as they are, are part of the charm, he isn’t perfectly perfect…just mostly.

She puzzled over this a moment. I helped her a little. “What about Emmett? Doesn’t he have some…um…personality traits that are less than perfect?” I knew she couldn’t say no, they were always arguing.

“You have me there,” she sighed. “But, I have had a long time to get use to them. You and Edward are kind of new.”

I was comfortable with this conversation now; loving Edward was not a secret I wanted to keep. “The only way your brother will get rid of me would be to ask me to go. I will never leave him of my own free will”

This seemed to make her happy. “Okay, we are happy then. A broken-hearted Edward is no picnic.”

“I promise, no matter what unreasonable action, thought or request, I will never leave him – ever –” This was my vow to her, she was being protective of her brother, and I think I could understand that.

Alice stuck her head in the door as I said this, I am sure she had heard the entire conversation. “It’s that time!” She was way too excited about this.

Rosalie looked over at Alice and quickly turned back to me, “And listen, we are going to talk about the other matter again…”

I looked at her and smiled in spite of her maddening persistence on the matter of me becoming a vampire. “Sure, sure,” I replied. “Oh, and Rosalie, could you do me one favor?” I asked before she had time to leave the room.

“What’s that?” she asked apprehensively.

Trying to stay serious, “Could you ask Emmett not to make me laugh too much during the wedding; my parents already think I am crazy.” I laughed now.

Rosalie just shook her head, “You and Edward asked him to do it; you have to live with the consequences.” She winked as she slid out the door beside Alice. Alice rolled her eyes and pulled me to the hall.

This promise I had made had not been only for Rosalie’s benefit, I meant it; I wasn’t upset about him being unreasonable about this. He wanted to make me happy, he wanted to do this for me, but it was something he was afraid to do. The absurd idea he had that he could hurt me. But because it was him, it just made me love him more. This was so unimportant in the scheme of things. I was his wife, we were going to spend eternity together, he gave me something more than the simple pleasure, he gave me himself. I smiled as I thought about this.

“Bella, my love, please, tell me what you are thinking. Tell me why you stopped…” It had become too much, he broke the silence.

I looked over at him – how long had I been drifting? – and smiled. “Rosalie,” I told him truthfully. I had never told him about this exchange; it was between her and I.

This answer didn’t help him any. He had a look of pain in his eyes.

“Do you mind if I come back over and sit with you?” I asked him shyly.

He eyed me wearily. “Since when is it not okay, or do you ask?” He was alarmed now. “Did I hurt you? Is there something wrong?”

He is always so concerned. “Of course not Edward, I just wanted to be sure you were ready for me to be close again.” I moved to him quickly now, it felt like it had been too long since I touched him last. Sitting against him, my head against his still shirtless, hard, perfect chest, I sighed, being near him made everything alright.

“Bella, talk to me, please, tell me why you stopped. Tell me why you were thinking of Rosalie…” the last part of this was full of confusion and curiosity.

“Edward,” I started. I had decided I would tell him the truth and I would make him understand. “You were not enjoying yourself, so I stopped.” I pause there. I had to think it through.

“What? Why would you think that?” He was not happy about my answer, but he could not deny it.

“Edward, you may always be solid, but when you’re tense, you are a rock. I am not interested in making love to a rock,” I was determined to get this out, not to have second thoughts. “Now, don’t argue with me. Don’t try to tell me that you will relax or that you want to do this. I know how you feel about it, I know you were doing this for me…but I am going to do this for you. We are going to wait.” I felt this sounded final.

“We’ll see,” he said softly after a short time. I didn’t respond, I just leaned against him and breathed deeply. It was still early, we had no where to go.

“Bella?” he was asking permission to ask something else. I just tilted my head back so I could see his face. “Why were you thinking of Rose?” his expression was amused now.

I blushed; he sighed and ran his hand against my cheek. “That, I won’t tell you,” I told him. “It was just a conversation we had.”

“Hmm, interesting,” he replied, thoughtfully.

“Don’t go snooping, it wasn’t anything that fascinating, it was personal.” I warned him. I knew he would be sure to ask so he could read her when she wouldn’t tell him, or she might tell him, I didn’t know.

He laughed. “I love you,” he whispered.

“Me too,” I smiled up at him.

Suddenly he pulled me around to him and began kissing me like he had before. This time I tensed up, he would not win, I had made the decision, and we were waiting.

He pulled away when we felt me become rigid. He began to laugh. “Bella, I heard you, was are not doing that today, but you are my wife, I can at least kiss you, can’t I?” he asked innocently. My favorite crooked smile was on his face.

“By all means,” I replied as I fell into his kiss.

He held me close; we lay on our sides, no air between our bodies. His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me close, never too tight this time. I wrap my leg around his waist as he begins kissing me along my jaw, allowing me to catch my breath. His hand moves to my outer thigh as he pulls our bodies even closer if it were possible; his hand tracing along my back slowly, his tongue sliding against my lips softly, his body moving against me in a way that I have never felt before, my body longing for him as always.

I feel my resolve breaking. I feel my body betraying me, making movement towards a place where I had decided we would not go. He is enjoying this, I reasoned, so why not? Just as the last of my reluctance fell away, my heart began to pound against my chest at the prospect of what was happening, I felt it again.

The tension. His tension. He was still trying, he was doing well until he felt like I was ready, then he could not hide it anymore. He wasn’t as good of an actor as he thought he was.

I pulled away from him, having to fight hard against my own body. He looked at me in confusion again. I did not move away from him, I just readjusted so that I was in a bit less of an intimate position and rolled my eyes. “You are good, but not that good…” I said with what little determination I had found.

“We’ll see,” he said again pulling me to him for a short soft kiss.