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Dreaming of the Breaking Dawn

Summary:
Post-eclipse; Bella and Edward and Bella's first demand. Lots of teasing, a little turn of the tables, and then...well, you will have to read it... The became much more than I originally meant for it to...it has become a fluffy story of the last days of Bella's life in Forks.... COMPELTE


Notes:
I don’t usually like post-eclipse stories, I would prefer to write Edward's point of view from something I have already read, but this just came to me. I have it rated Adult now, but I really don't think it will ever get to that point, I want to keep it in the same voice and I could never see Stephenie writing anything graphic...plus, the story isn't there yet...they may not...=o)


6. Hurt

Rating 3.5/5   Word Count 3443   Review this Chapter

Hurt

She was sitting across from me, too far for me to feel her warmth…just too far. I had only left her side for brief periods of time since she moved into our house, and only when absolutely necessary. Having her so close to me – right in front of me – and not touching her, it was excruciating.

I tilted my head to the side try to see her eyes, to understand what had happened. If only I could see her thoughts, I could fix whatever the problem was. I had not even been touching her; I don’t think I could have hurt her. I could never hurt her, or more over would never hurt her on purpose.

That’s why this was hard. It was frivolous – unnecessary – but I wanted to make her happy and I could see it from her point of view, which is why I had agreed to try. But I could never forgive myself if I hurt her, even one cell in her body.

She shot me a glare that said that she needed some time; I could hedge my curiosity for a small time, though I never broke my gaze.

She looked so soft and delicate, so beautiful, how could I be so lucky? This wonderful creature had taken me, and planned on staying with me for an eternity. As much as I didn’t like the means, I still hoped for eternity.

My thoughts went to that day when we shared our plans spend our lives together with our families.

After leaving the clearing that day, I drove us to her house. She said she was just nervous, I couldn’t tell what exactly she was thinking – of course! – But I could tell she might have broken down into tears at any moment. This worried me too, she usually reserved her tears for anger, I tried to convince myself that I had never see her this nervous, she had never had to deliver this type of news.

I held her hand as I drove; hoping she would speak to me, give me some idea of what she was thinking. Finally I had to ask her, “Bella, love, are you all right?”

Shocked at the sudden broken silence her eyes met mine. “Edward…” I didn’t interrupt her long pause. “Edward,” she started again, “I am scared.”

“Of me,” I asked.

“Of course not…”

“Of Charlie?” I couldn’t imagine her being afraid of anything, much less her father.

“No, of hurting Charlie…and not even by disappearing…I am afraid me leaving him so soon will hurt him.”

I looked at her intently, “Bella, I told you we do not have to be married, not now.”

She scowled at that comment. “I am happy about being your wi–, yours,” she finished with a small smile. Not very convincing when she couldn’t say the word, but I let it go.

“It is just him and I have not had a lot of time. I only visited summers up until I moved here and then I met you…then I was yours, never giving Charlie a chance.”

“Bella…what do you want to do?” I had stopped driving now and pulled off the road. “We can give him time, I am in no hurry; we will have eternity, if that is still what you want.”

Resolve was in her voice now, “No, we are doing this now. I want to marry you, be your wife. I will just make the most out of what time I have left with him.” I searched her eyes again.

“Edward, I don’t want to hurt anyone. Not him…not you.” She whispered the last words.

“You won’t hurt me if you can’t be my wife now, I understand.” A small lie. We were in real life now, not like in the meadow, she was having second thoughts on her promise, I understood, but it still hurt somewhere deep down. I was determined not to let her know that.

Tears came to her eyes, dropping in big wet drips down her cheeks. “I hurt everyone…I am so sorry…”

I immediately pulled her to me. My chest hurt at the site of her tears, my still heart broke to have her hurting so much. “Bella, we just talked about this, you can’t do everything for everyone else, do what you need to do.” I kissed her hard, letting her know I meant it.

Her pulse quickened to a dangerous pace. I pulled away from her, afraid I was making the decision difficult. “Why are we stopped? It’s time to go break my dad’s heart.” She smiled at me through her tears.

I leaned over and kissed her tear soaked cheek, “I am a very selfish monster,” I told her as I pulled the car back into the road. We road in silence the rest of the way to her house, I stole glances at her, watching the changes in her eyes as her resolve strengthened. My pale, fragile beauty was quick to recover I thought.

As we parked in the driveway behind her father’s cruiser she smiled up at me. “Edward, no matter his reaction I need you to tell me how much I am hurting him” I could only nod as I moved around the car to open her door.

We walked into the house; Charlie called from the living room, “Bella?” and, no doubt Edward since I didn’t hear them pull up, he thought with a sneer. I reminded myself that I deserved his hatred, I was the one that hurt them both, and now…

“Yeah Dad, it’s us,” she called back.

Package deal…package deal…he thought. I had noticed this chant in his head before, it had taken me some time to understand it, but now I knew, he was only reminding himself that Bella and I were a package deal, to have her, he had to accept me. He was trying, but what I had done was unforgivable, and now look at what I was about to do to him. I couldn’t convince myself any more than I could convince Bella this would turn out well.

We walked into the living room where Charlie was watching a basketball Finals game, I could tell it wasn’t much of a game because his thoughts we on us, he was curious about our arrival at such an odd time of day. He looked over at Bella’s flushed face noticing her recent weeping. Fighting, he thought with a slight sound of triumph. This was going to be hard.

“Is everything all right Bella?” he asked.

“It’s actually great dad,” she said sounding like she meant it.

“Oh…” he looked up for an explanation. Great? She has been crying, what could be great and cause her to cry? I was afraid he would guess before she told him, so I lead her to the chair, sitting down first and placing her beside me.

Charlie’s eyes narrowed at us, I could see he had not guessed yet, but was getting close so I leaned forward and whispered to her, “You want me to tell him?”

Tell me what? Oh God…would she think being pregnant was great? I knew I trusted her too much when she told me…he didn’t want to think about it so he made himself turn back to the game until we decided to speak to him.

Bella shook her head at me, the soft movement stirred the air, her intoxicating aroma hit me hard, I breathed in deep, it was like heaven to me, made what we were doing and the difficulty we were facing all worth it.

“Dad,” she said quietly, but Charlie was waiting for her to address him and immediately turned his attention back to us. “We need to tell you something…” Charlie sighed heavily at the inflection of the pronoun.

Calm…she loves him…whatever it is her happiness is most important. We always agreed on this matter.

“Dad, Edward has asked me to marry him.” She said it quick.

Marriage? His mind was whirling. I was surprise to hear that this was the last thing he thought we could possibly be here to tell him. Neither of us expected his first question, “And school?” he looked at both of us now.

Bella’s eyes were wide as she looked over at me, trying to figure out what Charlie was thinking; I raised my eye brows in confusion. I had not seen the calmness coming any more than she had. “We are going, dad, we will just be married when we do,” she had an optimistic tone in her voice now.

“I assume this means you will be doing this soon then?” he guessed correctly.

I could feel the blush in her cheeks as she answered, “In August, before we leave for school, we have not had time to talk about any other details.” I could tell she didn’t want him to know we had been planning this without him knowing.

One, two, three, four…he was keeping himself calm; he knew what an argument would lead to. She would chose him if I flew off the handle, there is no reason…I asked her to tell me, I saw this coming. He had one more thought that I felt Bella might accept better from me.

“Bella, would you mind if your father and I speak alone for a moment?” She whipped around, her clear brown eyes panicking. I smiled at her, winking to let her know it wasn’t my idea.

“Sure…” she slowly moved from the chair, “I need to think about how I am going to tell Renee anyway…” She walked up the stairs.

I looked at Charlie, visibly pleased that he did not have to ask her to leave. We waited until we were sure Bella had actually gone into her room. She tried to stop at the top of the stairs to listen but continued to her room with a huff when I loudly cleared my throat.

Package deal…this had done nothing to soothe his hatred for me. He will swear to me and if he breaks his promise, so help me…he closed his eyes for a moment. Turning off the game he sighed deeply and turned to stare intently at me.

“Edward, she is only eighteen,” He said through clinched teeth, still attempting to be calm.

“As am I,” technically.

Reasonably, he asked, “why does it have to be now?”

I could answer this one truthfully, but I hesitated. Give her time to grow up and have a life outside of you, he thought, be patient, give her a chance.

“Charlie,” I hoped I was making the right choice, “the timing is her idea, I asked her to wait.”

Then go away, go off to Dartmouth and leave her alone…he thought about this a second while I did the same. We both came to the same conclusion.

I was going to answer his thought anyway. “I promised her I would never leave her again unless she wanted me to, sir. I meant it; I would never make such a mistake again. I could never leave her. I hope you can believe me when I say that. I know what you went through when I left last year. I understand why you don’t trust me. I can only tell you this and hope you can hear my promise, I will always love her and stay with her…forever.”

This speech opened Charlie up in a way I could never imagine. He didn’t edit himself in his response. “How can I trust that?!” His thoughts went to those months after I left Bella, finding her in the forest, broken and all but dead to the world, the months of silence and sadness. As always these images almost brought me to my knees, my heart breaking. I tried to shake it off as he continued. “Edward, you can’t know what it did to her, to us. It was like she was dead!” The word hit me hard. “You have to swear to me you will never hurt her again, in any way. I want to believe you won’t, I see how you and her are; I can see there is something between you, something that I have never seen in two people before. Renee told me, but I hadn’t seen it until I started watching. I am trying to accept it, but I cannot stand by and allow this if there is any chance you will hurt her again.” His voice never rose above a loud whisper.

The emotion over took me, he cared for her so much. I was taking her away from him, and in his heart, not his head, I think he knew it was more than just taking her away in marriage, he somehow knew that this would be forever, though he wasn’t admitting that to himself. He was hurt, though not in a way that would not heal, just a hurt that needed to be filled with an oath, my oath to never hurt her. I could give him this oath.

“Charlie, I can, I can promise you, swear to you, that nothing like what happened last year will ever happen again. I will do everything in my power to give her everything she will ever need or want.” I thought about my promise to Bella, my promise to turn her into a monster, I had to convince myself in this short second that by doing this, killing her by all rights, I was not hurting her really – I decided would have to lie to myself to make the next statement true – “Sir, I will never hurt her again.”

Charlie only shook his head, his mind trying to convince his heart that I was telling the truth. “Fine, but if you break that promise…” there was no amusement in his words. “Was there something else you wanted to say to me?” he asked, remembering I was the one who asked Bella to leave.

“No, sir. I wanted to tell you just what I have told you.” He nodded and turned the television back on. I could only sit and think about how this dreaded event had turned out, how I could honestly tell Bella that the hurt Charlie had was small and he understood our decisions, the ones he knew.

I wish Renee had been as easy…she didn’t want to be reasonable, her prejudice wasn’t against me, just marriage…but that was something I didn’t want to think about just now, my mind wanted to focus on my wife, sitting so far away, lost in thought.

“Bella, my love, please, tell me what you are thinking. Tell me why you stopped…” I couldn’t stand it anymore; she was too far from me.

She looked at me thoughtfully, “Rosalie,” she said simply with a ghost of a smile. I stared at her, trying vainly to understand.

Her checks filled with a rush of blood as she asked, “Do you mind if I come back over and sit with you?”

Surprised by this odd question I asked bewildered, “Since when is it not okay, or do you ask? Did I hurt you? Is there something wrong?” Had I already broken my promise?

“Of course not Edward, I just wanted to be sure you were ready for me to be close again.” I stared at her as she moved to me and rested her head on my chest. I had not realize that I should have had a hard time being near her after what we had just been doing, it had been so difficult to focus, when she moved away my mind had relaxed. I felt bad about this, that I couldn’t want it more.

She still seemed to be lost in her own head, a complication since I could not be there with her. “Bella, talk to me, please, tell me why you stopped.” I thought of the other question that I had the strangest of answers she had given me, “Tell me why you were thinking of Rosalie…”

She answered the first in a quiet voice, “Edward, you were not enjoying yourself, so I stopped”

Why did some many things that she said surprise me? Of course she stopped because of me; it was always about someone else with this perfect creature. I had thought I was doing well, but it was becoming obvious I had been wrong.As innocent as I could without lying I asked her why she thought I was not enjoying myself.

“Edward, you may always be solid, but when you’re tense, you are a rock. I am not interested in making love to a rock.” She continued, giving me no time to protest “Now, don’t argue with me. Don’t try to tell me that you will relax or that you want to do this. I know how you feel about it, I know you were doing this for me…but I am going to do this for you. We are going to wait.” She was smug in her resolve.

She was letting go of the one really reasonable thing she had asked of me. I couldn’t let her do this. I could do this; I had gotten through a lot since I had found her, she was sacrificing everything for me, no matter how much she denied any sacrifice.

I could relax, I could give her this, I wanted it too, it was no real sacrifice for me. My body responded to her in every way, I would just have to turn off my mind. I knew there was no use arguing with her after her declaration, but I could persuade her, we had time. I simply whispered in her hair, “We’ll see.”

We sat in silence again for a short time before my curiosity got the best of me, “Bella?” she pushed her head against me looking up at me waiting for my question, “Why were you thinking of Rose?” It seemed so odd that she would be out here and thinking of Rosalie. They had been friendly lately, but I had not seen anything that would explain Bella thinking about her while we were alone and attempting to make love. I found it oddly funny.

She blushed again. I let a sigh escape at the sudden warmth of her face as I gently brushed my fingers against her cheeks. She wasn’t going to tell me, “Just a conversation we had.” She told me.

Where was I during this conversation, “hmm, interesting.” I would have to investigate. She knew me too well.

“Don’t go snooping, it wasn’t anything that fascinating, it was personal.” Rose wouldn’t tell me anyway I thought, she was almost as obscure as Alice sometimes.

My sisters and wife. Women…I chuckled. “I love you,” I whispered.

“Me too,” she almost sung.

At that moment, something in her voice or maybe the wind had pushed her beautiful scent into my lungs, but I wanted her. I pulled her around to me, kissing her hard. I touched her face as my lips hungrily move against her mouth. I felt her stiffen in my hands. I pulled her back and laughed at the expression on her face, my stubborn Bella.

I conceded that we were not going to do that. I reasoned with her, “but you are my wife, I can at least kiss you, can’t I?” Giving her no reason to think I would try to convince her of more, when had I ever, why would she doubt me?

Without a second thought she pressed her lips against me. “By all means.”

I could do this, she would be helpless in my attempt, she would give in. I just had to convince her, show her how much I wanted her.

I pulled her down on the blanket, pulling her against me, her leg wrapped around my waist automatically. I break from her lips so she can breathe, her breath heavy with desire. I reach down and pull her leg tight against me; I want her to feel my desire, my willingness. I move my hand against her back and rolled my tongue against her slightly parted lips. She was being cautious at first, her movements were hesitant, but her resolution was waning. Suddenly, I felt her press against me with the same goal as my movements had; I heard her heart race with anticipation of our contact. My desire flared, I felt the yearning to pull her under me, I pushed the urge back, I did not want to be too forceful.

She pulled away from me, untangling our bodies and shook her head at me with amusement. “You are good, but not that good…” her resolve for waiting coming back.

If she could only know how much I wanted it, that whatever it was that made her stop again was fleeting…I would not hurt her, I think I knew that now. I still had time, I told myself, we would be one before I condemned her to her death. I looked into her eyes, my resolve now solid and whispered as I leaned in to kiss her again, “We’ll see.”