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Gone

Summary:
Companion songfic to Chapter 17 in Faker, when Bella tells Becka she didn't want to go and find Edward. This is about when she made that choice.


Notes:
I know this is sad, but so is most of New Moon. And we've all read that, right?


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 662   Review this Chapter

Alone. That word sent flutters of pain into my dead heart. But it was true, and I would need to accept it. I had lost the most important person ever, and I would need to learn to live with it. He was gone now.

I think I've already lost you


I think you're already gone


I think I'm finally scared now


You think I'm weak


But I think you're wrong

I wasn’t weak now, though. I was just as strong as him, maybe stronger. Since I was a newborn, I had extra strength.


I think you're already leaving


Feels like your hand is on the door


I thought this place was an empire


But now I'm relaxed


I can't be sure

I was sure of one thing. He had left me. I had lost him. All because I had been a boring human at the time. And he was perfect in every way. Beautiful, kind, passionate, smart, talented, strong, athletic….


I think you're so mean


I think we should try


I think I could need


This in my life


And I think I'm just scared


I think too much


I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing


I could find him. I could try to make him see me again. Maybe this time he would love me. I was a vampire now, not the weak and frail person I had been. I was strong and beautiful now.


If you're gone maybe it's time to come home


There's an awful lot of breathing room


But I can hardly move

I was a rock, stuck in place. The pain was becoming so strong…


If you're gone baby you need to come home


'Cuz there's a little bit of something me


In everything you


My only home was with him. I knew that, and my coven knew that. Even if I stayed with them, I would feel lost. Becka had the ability to go wherever she wanted in seconds. She could help me.


I bet you're hard to get over


I bet the room just won't shine


I bet my hands I can stay here


I bet you need more than you mind


Everything was so dark now without him. I couldn’t see the real beauty around me without him. My eyesight was perfect, but I was blind.


I think you're so mean


I think we should try


I think I could need


This in my life


I think I'm just scared


That I know too much


I can't relate and that's a problem


I'm feeling


I couldn’t feel, either. I lost my emotions to the pain that became my one reliable companion. I was no longer a book easy to read. I was a blank diary.


If you're gone maybe it's time to come home


There's an awful lot of breathing room


But I can hardly move


If you're gone baby you need to come home


'Cuz there's a little bit of something me


In everything you


In him there was everything I cared about. He was the thing that kept me from just disappearing forever. His face kept me tethered to this life.


I think you're so mean


I think we should try


I think I could need


This in my life


And I think I'm just scared


I think too much


I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing


I couldn’t do it though. He was my everything, and I couldn’t cause him any pain. That would be too much.


If you're gone maybe it's time to come home


There's an awful lot of breathing room


But I can hardly move


If you're gone baby you need to come home


'Cuz there's a little bit of something me


In everything you

I would have to just move on. It could take one hundred years, it could take one thousand. It could never happen, even. I wouldn’t hurt him, though. I wouldn’t show him that he was my everything. As long as he was happy, I would go on. Even if he was gone.