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The Secret Life of Mike Newton

What does Mike really do at home? Read to find out...

we decided to make a series of the secret lifes of less important characters...

1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 903   Review this Chapter

I globbed more glue onto the rock and pressed a googly eye onto it. Finally, Bella 28 was complete! Now, I only have to wait a little while for her to dry, then I can make out with her. What should I should do now?

I pulled out some brown yarn and unwound it so it was curly, then glued t to a sparkly gray rock. After that, I added googly eyes and drew a mouth with crayon.When I finished, I set Jessica 12 next to Bella 28 to dry.

At that moment, I heard my mom shouting from downstairs.

"What?" I stuck my head out my bedroom door.

"Did you walk through the front yard?!!?" she demanded. Oops!


"Well, some of the grass is squished!" she nagged, furious. Her and her obsession with grass. Good thing I'm not like that! Oh my gosh, I almost forgot!

I crawled under my bed and pulled out my box. I opened it and grabbed my Celine Dion, Michael Jackson, and Hannah Montana Barbies.

"Good," I told them. "You're not hurt. Sorry I had to put you in that dark, scary box. But you know my Grandma..." Just then, Grandma burst in. I shoved my Barbies into their box, but cringed when I realized what I'd done.

"I'm sorry." I whispered quietly, "But you don't want to know what she did to Johnny Depp."

"Michael!" she screeched. "YOU STOLE MY PILLOW AND SHORTS!" She walked over to my bed and picked up my pillow, then went to my dresser and and pulled out my Hello Kitty boxers. I rolled my eyes as she left. Every day,she would come in and take my pillow and boxers and stash them around the house, along with my fluffy rug. I'm glad I don't have issues like my crazy 81 year old grandma.

I set all of my Barbies out in alphabetical order by last name, then put Bellas 1 through 27, Jessicas 1 through 11, Angelas 1 through 6, Tyler, Conner, and Ben next to them. Finally, I put Bella 28 and Jessica 12 in the front and put on my Hannah Montana wig.

"Hello, Seattle!" I shouted in a high voice. I jumped on my bed and started singing, "Nobody's perfect! I gotta work it!" over and over again. After finishing with "The Best of Both Worlds", I concluded with a shout of, "Thank you Seattle!" Then I bowed and jumped off my bed. I put the Barbies and my wig away, but left out the rocks.

"Tonight, you guys are lucky. I will choose two of you." I closed my eyes and randomly pointed at two rocks. They were Angela 2 and Tyler.

"Angela 2," I said in my sexiest voice. "You are the chosen one!" I sprayed her with breath spray and kissed her. First I only kissed her lips, but then I moved on to other places like her googly eyes and yarn hair.

After 5 minutes, I said, "Sorry, but I promised I'd make out with two rocks, and I need to give Tyler a chance to kiss me."

"Oh,"I said for her in a falsetto voice. "I love you Mike!"

"I love you too, Angela 2."

After three minutes of making out with my Tyler rock, Kristie knocked on my door.

"Mike, I know you're busy kissing rocks, but it's time for dinner." I sighed and went downstairs.

My family was in the kitchen eating dinner, and Kristie was telling us how her class was learning multiplication, and she had recited the cubes of the numbers 1 through 10. When did Kristie become a frickin genius?

"Mike?" I swallowed and looked up at Kristie. "What's the cubed root of 216?" I shrugged and she became outraged.


I sighed and finished my dinner in silence. After that, I logged on to creepychatrooms.com. Nobody was on. About a minute later, I recieved an IM from a guy named EmotionDude.

EmotionDude: Is it true that you collect Barbies?

HotStuff: Maybe...

EmotionDude: I do too.

Hotstuff: REALLY?!?!

EmotionDude: Yeah.

HotStuff: Do you have Celine Dion?

EmotionDude: Yes

Hotstuff: Hannah Montana?

EmotionDude: No

EmotionDude: But I want it

HotStuff: Michael Jackson?

EmotionDude: Yes!

HotStuff: Johnny Depp?

EmotionDude: Yea

HotStuff: I used to

HotStuff: but my grandma pulled off his head and put his body in the oven and melted him

HotStuff: Poor guy didn't stand a chance

EmotionDude: what about the head?

HotStuff: she taped it to the front door over a sign that says RAPISTS AND MOLESTERS BEWARE!

HotStuff: she won't let anyone take it down

EmotionDude: ...wow...

HotStuff: I gotta go

HotStuff: America's Next Top Model is on.

EmotionDude: IT IS!?!?

HotStuff: Yeah

HotStuff: Bye!

I closed out of the conversation and turned on the TV. About halfway through, Kristie cme in holding my hamster Rufus in one hand and his cage in the other.

"Look what I taught Rufus to do!" She put Rufus in his cage and he climbed up the side of the cage and did monkeybars across the top to the door. He opened the latch and climbed out. Then he dramatically jumped off the top, clutching his heart, and landed on his head.

"Stupid rat..." I muttered.

"HE IS A HAMSTER AND HE'S SMARTER THAN YOU!" she shouted and ran away with Rufus and his cage. Anger management...

After my show was over, I did my homework, found my pillow (It was in the cabinet under the sink) and went to bed, eager to wake up and spend my entire Saturday with Bella 28 and Jessica 12.