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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.


Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!


11. Healing Trust

Rating 5/5   Word Count 599   Review this Chapter

“Quil, will… will you come in with me?”

I don’t want to go alone don’t make me go alone Quil because I need you and I’m only safe when you’re there I don’t trust him I don’t trust anyone no one but you and you only a little can you blame me when everyone the only one I’ve ever trusted beside you hurt me so much no it isn’t my fault say it isn’t my fault or say it is but don’t blame me please come with me please

“Of course, Claire. Of course I will.”

I smile cautiously at him I am not certain why it is an unfamiliar action but the happiness just frees itself and flits across my face and he grins down at me and takes my hand

I try not to be afraid I try not to rip my arm away from his touch I try not to shudder and weep but I do not think I have it in me I am far too weak I am much too afraid I have suffered so much too much to trust again

We enter the room and it is dark and empty even though it is bright and full of people it reflects the nothingness inside my heart yes I am dark yes I am empty yes I am cold and cold and cold and I don’t know where everything that was once me has gone, yes, yes I do. I know that everything I was all the brightness and goodness all the sweetness and dearness all the trusting innocence has been stolen and submerged in this horrible nightmare of his evil soul.

I am left alone in a room to change into a thin paper garment that is not in any way an ample covering I shudder because it leaves me exposed to the cold I feel so naked and vulnerable

Anyone can hurt me

Only then Quil comes back in and takes my hand again the doctor smiles at me and says “All right, I need you to step over here so I can get an x-ray.”

I wonder what that will feel like will it hurt what do I care

Maybe it will. But I have no further capacity for pain I think I’ve felt it all already so I shouldn’t care, no make that I don’t care I do not care and you can’t make me you can’t make me

He can’t make me

Two ribs. Broken more of his handiwork it isn’t all he’s broken my body yes and also my heart

But I don’t care he can’t make me care he can beat me to death but I won’t care

Quil trembles as the doctor pronounces the diagnosis and noticing that the same cold man says something bewildering “Impressive control, pup. I am surprised you do not phase here and hurt her.”

“I would never, NEVER hurt her. Nor will I allow anyone to hurt her.”

For a moment I am comforted but I know Quil can’t stop the pain

And then all of a sudden once again he is a threat “You love her”

“Yes.”

No don’t Quil don’t please don’t, don’t love me I know what people who love me do and it hurts…

He does not come near me. And so I am comforted because maybe maybe he won’t hurt me

I don’t trust it but I pray for it and maybe it is enough