Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.


Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!


12. Secrets Safe

Rating 4/5   Word Count 612   Review this Chapter

“Very well… I’ll need to see those ribs. Come back in two weeks. I want to make sure they’re healing properly.”

“Whatever you need, Dr. Cullen,” Quil replied with a strange precision in his voice. It seemed very unlike him almost military like he was acknowledging important orders from a superior I wondered why could it be because of me he always said he loved me no cared about me could it be true could I remember right?

“He must have hit her very hard for that much to happen. Or else he might have thrown her down the stairs.”

I could not permit such speculation he would find me he would hurt me if I let someone else know it was a secret it was my secret my secret shame they couldn’t know or he’d know they knew he’d think I’d told them he’d think I had betrayed him he’d think I was a traitor that I deserved what I knew he’d do to me

No one would have mercy no one could stop his justice everyone would hurt me no one would love me he couldn’t know I’d told them no one could ever tell him I’d told but I hadn’t had I they’d figured it out some other way how had they anyway it wasn’t fair it wasn’t all right it was a lie it was… I would lie I would convince them they would never know it wasn’t the truth “I fell down the stairs.”

“Okay. Thanks sweetie,” And I felt skepticism in Quil’s kind words but that was all right because I would pretend to believe him just like he pretended to believe me and if we lied to one another long enough the lies would come true.

“All right, I’ll need to keep an eye in it… most of the bruises look like they’re from slaps or punches. Claire, if you want to talk about that, it would be very helpful.”

He sounded so sweet and gentle and kind this stranger doctor like he would really not hate me if he knew

But even if he could hear the words kindly there would still be pain he would find out he would find me he would hurt me and so I couldn’t do it, I was tortured here torn between… oh, God, I couldn’t let them know such things would happen… “Sorry…” I whispered and knew I disappointed them and feared there would be repercussions no fists swung towards me but I knew it would never last peace never did happiness never did

“I suggest a therapist? Abuse can be very traumatizing.”

This was the doctor again and I couldn’t listen to it I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t take it, I couldn’t let it be true couldn’t let it be real I couldn’t tell anyone I couldn’t let him know he didn’t know it wasn’t true he was making it up no on eknew it was still a secret

“It’s up to Claire,” Quil said and I wasn’t sure, nothing had ever been my choice before, I wasn’t even sure what it meant to choose, to have something really be up to me

“I don’t want to.” I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t and if it was my choice I could keep this safe I wouldn’t have to do this, it was safe I was safe as long as I had a choice.

Quil smiled at me and tentatively I returned the smile and even though I wasn’t sure it would last I was for the first time I could remember happy.