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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.


Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!


17. Lies Forbid

Rating 0/5   Word Count 872   Review this Chapter

The day spun by quickly, moments indecipherable, teaching nonsense that didn’t matter but kept my mind just busy enough that I didn’t have to fall into my agonized memories

Yes, I liked school, I liked it a lot it was a welcome distraction from the pain pressing in from behind I would stay there, stay in class, stay beneath this even desk and stare at this woman and listen to her soft and even droning and fall into a lull of trust

It wasn’t safe, if anyone tried to hurt me I was weak, exposed, not in my usual suspicion keeping me safe, but I had a greater motive now

I could trust

Yes I could

Yes I could

He couldn’t take it away from me.

I smiled in satisfaction and let the day end. Quil came arms open smile wide and took me to the car

He prompted a conversation about school I told him about Katie my first friend and he seemed delighted to hear it I chattered on and on because it was such a relief.

“Hi, Sweetheart,” he had greeted me, and I wondered.

When we reached the house, I finally decided to ask. “Why do you call me that?”

“Do you mind? I’m sorry,” he said, but I didn’t care it was almost comforting to have that constant reinforcement that he loved me, that he would never betray me, that he called me honey and sweetheart and darling and such good words and never a curse and it was good…

“No… I was just curious,” I say to settle his fears and he smiles at me.

Then indecision crosses his face, is he going to tell me something? What does he not want to let me know? I have to know, with a sudden burning desire, I have to, I can’t bear to be lied to, hidden from, I need all the truth in his life revealed to me, his very self, so I can know whether or not to trust him

Don’t lie to me or I’ll never believe in you again, Quil

“You know what I am? A wolf, right?” he begins gently, and I smile because I can sense this is the truth, that he isn’t lying or deceiving me, that dear God I was right to trust him, he won’t hurt me, he won’t… “Yeah.”

“Well, we’re different than most people in lots of ways. Not just transforming… we can read each other’s minds when we’re in wolf form. And we imprint on people…” he looked carefully at me here, searching for my response, but the word meant nothing to me. “Imprinting is how we find the person who’s more important than anyone else in the world. When you were two years old, I saw you for the first time and imprinted on you.”

I ran before thought could set in, before fear could stifle me, before he could reach out and grab me and drag me and…

Daddy was right all along- Quil does want… all those things… he’s just patient, tricks me into trusting him, betrays me like this now

I can never go back

I have nowhere to go, where will I turn, to whom will I run? Not Sam and Emily, they’re liars too, they made me trust them…

I only have one choice.

I turn and jog, back to him, back to Quil. Maybe I can make it into my room safely, without him seeing. I tiptoe upstairs, but he is there, waiting. Instead of comfort this time his bulk is terrifying and I try to hide, try to run, but can’t fear pins me to the floor as surely as those vast hands would

“Wait. Claire? Just a few minutes. You stay right there and I’ll stay right here. I promise I won’t hurt you, all right? I just want you to let me explain. This isn’t what you think.”

“Okay,” I whisper, because I have to try to believe him because I don’t have any choice and because his voice is so gentle and because he doesn’t move towards me, doesn’t threaten me

“There are other ways to love people than what he taught you, Claire. I would never want to hurt you in any way. That’s what love really is. I want to protect you. You are always safe with me. I would never do anything you don’t want me to.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky swear.” He extended the finger in question and I laughed out loud in relief he returned the sound and I walked to him and took his too-warm hand I trust you and said

“I love you, Quil. I think you saved my life. I could never have gone on with him. I love you like…”

“Like you should have had a father to love?” he prompts. I nod, and then tears flow, cleansing, sweet tears, tears that trust and hate and love, do not fester into wounds, but clean them out and let the pain flow free

I cry into his shoulder, and I am comforted.