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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.


Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!


19. Sweet Surprise

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Birthdays were not good days because my idea of a present was rather drastically different than his I didn’t want the things he gave me (things like pain and fear) no more than I wanted his parties (gaggles of his friends and lots of beer and cowering in a corner trying not to be seen trying not to be hurt)

But this one was different because my life was different now, my life was better (so much better) so much happier I was safe, I was… I was with Quil.

“Love you,” he said, sending me off to school with the words that were his custom.

“Love you too,” I replied, surprising- no, shocking myself- and him too. I could see the look on his face, like… awe, and shock, and wonder, his eyes wide and his jaw slack, staring, so happy…

I was glad to make him happy like this- he had done so very much for me. It only seemed right, only seemed fair, that I could do this little thing for him this little thing to make him so happy make Quil so happy

Quil my hero

Quil my savior

Quil my friend

My Quil

Mine and no one else’s

He loved me

Only me.

Me more than anyone else. There was nothing before me in his mind, nothing to hurt me with its precedence, nothing that could take the security of his devotion from me

Oh, I was safe as long as Quil was mine

I realized that

It was the new basic truth of my life

Once, my existence had been based on “Everyone is my enemy” and I operated assuming that each new person wanted to hurt me, that I had to be afraid, that I was always in danger

Now it was different- I knew something even more intimately “Quil would never hurt me” and it was so true…

I was so glad to know it, to live knowing it, to live the life that I could have, since I knew it.

I was so glad.

That joy stayed all through the school day as my heart expanded, all during the time that I felt such joy, so much of it, and such love, not romance love (I couldn’t) but pure simple devotion to him the one who’d made me happy for the very first time I could remember

No one wished me happy birthday, as I gathered they did for others, but I didn’t really expect it no one knew me or my birthday no one could be expected to remember me

Unlike the usual, only Tina and I walked home, and she dawdled desperately “Hey Claire! Look at this. Hey Claire! Look at that. Hey, Claire!”

It took half an hour to get home and I was tired when we arrived

I knew Quil would have something planned for my birthday, because of course he would remember- he loved me

But I wasn’t thinking of this- “SURPRISE!”
All my friends were there, smiling, laughing, and I did too, and they all ran and hugged me and I laughed

Quil met my eyes, and what I saw almost shocked me- all that love I’d been thinking about was tangible in his gaze, when he looked at me the only thing I saw was I love you and maybe you’re beautiful

He was staring, and so he blushed when I looked at him, but I didn’t mind, not really, not as he thought I did- I could see Quil was afraid he’d scared me

I laughed again, at something one of my friends had said. Quil’s eyes widened at the laugh

And then he smiled at me, and I smiled back

Was happiness really this simple?

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