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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.

Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!

30. Unwelcome Embrace

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But no. I’ll have to tell him. It’s no fairer to keep this from him than it is to expect his unconditional love.

I sigh. I don’t have a choice here, do I? I must do the right thing.

Tell him. And then watch as he drifts away. With a long groan, I turn back to my locker, watching the books, immobile and neatly lined on their shelf. Such an easy existence it is for them, always in their place, never moving unless they’ve been moved, touching each other but nothing else.

Maybe we’re all like that. Maybe we only react to outside forces too vast to understand. Maybe I can’t see the hand that moves me, but nonetheless I am being manipulated by forces beyond my control.

I consider the metaphor for a moment, and then the irony strikes hard. Twin forces of fear and amusement race through me and I shake as I laugh.

“You’re really insane sometimes,” Tina mutters. She has the locker beside me.

I give her a significant look. The one that says, I’m dealing with my trauma, so buzz off. She raises both hands and turns away, back to the homework she’s desperately trying to finish.

And I go back to my thoughts. Oh, Quil. I love him. I’m almost certain it’s true now.

But it’s not fair to him!

Why am I friends with him, even? Because he’s so kind and understanding and fun.

Why is he friends with me? Because he imprinted on me.

Why am I attracted to him? Because he’s attractive.

Why is he attracted to me? Because he imprinted on me.

Why am I in love with Quil? Because he’s gentle and strong and loving and good and the only person I trust.

Why is Quil in love with me?

You don’t have to be a genius to figure it out.

And that’s what’s really getting to me. He doesn’t have a choice other than to be near me, and I don’t want him forced to love me.

Yet I can’t live without at least his presence.

It’s a conundrum. The only fair thing is to tell him the truth. The only fair thing is to let him go.

But I love him, and I know that, albeit involuntarily, he loves me too. So the fair thing is to be with him.

I don’t have any decent options here, do I?

Of course, it’s at that precise moment that the bell rings. I groan and start for class. As I close the door, an unexpected deep voice comes from behind me.

“Hey, babe,” Will Uley whispers huskily. I feel his hand reaching to touch the… the pocket of my jeans.

I scream as loud as I can. People turn around and stare. Tina grabs my arm.

“Claire. Cool it, girl. It just means he likes you.”

I whirl around, ready to chase him off, but he’s already fled. Tina is looking helplessly at me.

“I’m sorry… I… I…” I’m embarrassed by my overreaction, but the terror is still flooding through me.

Tina hugs me. “Shh, Claire. It’s all right. It’s all right.”

I am comforted. But only for a moment.