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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.

Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!

31. Reaction

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 563   Review this Chapter

It is a long, slow school day. I can only think of two things.

First is Quil. I have to tell him. I’m not quite sure how I can bring myself to. It’s not fair to keep it from him, but I’m not ready to lose him. I can’t wrap my head around the idea of living without him, and I know that’s what I’ll probably have to do.

The other is my overreaction to Will’s little sexual harassment this morning. I should probably tell Quil that, too. I am no more eager to share that than my other secret. But that I know he wants to know. And I find it is the kind of secret that only weights me down. It is no relief to keep it.

Finally, at long, long last, the day ends. I am eager to get home, though it means my time to think is over. I’ve made one decision, at least. I can’t tell Quil today. I need my childhood with him to last just a little longer. That can’t be too much to ask, can it? He loves me. He wants me to be happy. Doesn’t he?

Of course he does. Don’t be ridiculous, I scold myself. I am getting ludicrously insecure.

Have a little while longer. Wait. Make up your mind. Live this pretend life for a short time and then tell him the truth.

The other thing… well, I guess if he sees something wrong, I’ll tell him. Usually, making a deal like that with yourself is a bad thing. Even my most sensitive friend, Tina, never notices when I’m upset. I have learned to hide it well.

On the other hand, Quil gets it every single time. He always knows.

The instant I open the door, he looks at me. I am silent, but the force of his gaze sends a little shiver down my spine. It is surprisingly pleasant—he has beautiful eyes, and the way he looks at me makes me feel like I have a prayer of deserving him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks immediately. I almost laugh to myself. He sees far too much. No one else would ever notice that tiny shake, or even the unusual silence of my arrival.

Quil, on the other hand, hasn’t been in the same room as me for five seconds and he’s already decided there’s something amiss.

His alertness sends the truth pouring out. Oddly, I can’t articulate the experience aloud as well as I can say it in my head. It’s painful, tinged with the old terror, to speak the words. I find myself stumbling.

“I was at school, at my locker, and a… a boy came and… and touched my… my butt. I told him to stop and he did, but it scared me. Tina said it just meant he liked me but I don’t want him to…”

I felt a tear begin in my eyes. To my horror, the sobs started in earnest, wracking my chest with the intensity.

“I’m sorry,” Quil said gently. “Do you know his name?”
“Yeah. Will Uley.”

A sudden tremor ran through Quil’s body. “Excuse me, Claire,” he choked, and ran from the room.

As he disappeared, the weeping doubled.

I knew it.

He was gone.