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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.


Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!


34. Car Ride

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 747   Review this Chapter

“Really?” I whisper.

“Claire, you know I won’t. Don’t you know me at all? Do you trust me?”

No, more than that. Better. I don’t just trust you. I love you. The words are impossible to speak, as deeply true as they are. I can feel them in my lips, catching in my throat, and softly I say, “Yeah.”

It’s close enough to the truth.

“Do you want to go talk to your mom?” he asks.

“No. But I will…” I don’t want to. But I owe her something. It isn’t fair to leave the woman who gave birth to me wondering whether I’m dead or alive for the rest of her life.

“Soon?”

“Yeah. Get it over with.” I smile slightly. He sighs.

“Claire… not to make you angry or afraid, but is there something you aren’t telling me?”

I blush. I can feel the heat rush to my cheeks, flooding them with color. “Yeah.”

“And you aren’t going to?”

I hesitate for a moment, deciding again. But this truly isn’t the moment. Whether it’s instinct or fear, I have to answer in one way. “No. Sor-“

He cuts me off.

“Don’t apologize. I’m always here if you want to talk, but you don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

I duck my head to hide the blush that’s erupting still further across my face, setting me afire. “Thanks.”

“Anything. Anytime.”

I know that isn’t true. I can’t ask that of him. I don’t even want to. It will hurt far, far too much, to know I’ve bound him to me. I can’t. I can’t. “Unconditional promises are stupid, Quil.”

“Not where you’re concerned. Since I can’t deny you anything.”

“Thanks,” I murmur again. I raise my head and smile at him a little. Almost unconsciously, I’m flirting a little. I must look affected.

He looks away, and I sigh and turn the conversation towards other things.

Eventually, he asks, “Claire, have you thought about colleges?”

I sigh. This is another of those topics I can’t touch, something that leads to the unspeakable secret I keep. “Yeah. But I don’t think I want to leave, Quil. I mean… not unless you could come too… I’d be scared. And I’d miss you.”

It’s as much of the truth as I can expose. I hold my breath, and to my infinite relief he replies without a beat of silence or doubt between.

“Maybe I could come.” He sounds like he means it.

I’m shocked at the easiness with which he makes the offer. “Doesn’t the pack need you?”

“Not if you do. They aren’t worth a second thought next to you, sweetheart. Besides, Sam’s already decided to quit, and the rest of us will follow soon… the leeches are gone. It’s really up to the next generation to deal with it as it comes. I’m going to quit too… if you… when you’re older… if… maybe.”

I hear the unspoken love in his words. He’s leaving his future up to me. And I don’t have the strength to accept what he’s offering.

Again, though, I ask more. Like when I wanted to move in with him, it’s incredibly rude, presumptuous, to ask this of someone. “Thank you. I think… maybe Duke? It’s in North Carolina, really far away, and it’s sort of expensive.”

“I’ve got money. Not a lot, but there’s no better use than for you, and I’d be happy to move if you wanted to. I could work there, get a job. We can do it.”

I feel the shock spread across my face. “That’s more than I could ask.”

“You can ask me for anything you want, ever. And I’ll try to always, always give you more,” he swears.

I react to that promise instinctively. Words I can’t say bubble up in my throat. I can give him something. Just a little tiny thing, the only thing he wants, this little bit of love he desires. That’s all he’s going to ask.

“What’s wrong?” he inquires gently.

I leave it to the truth. It does not spill out. “I can’t… can’t tell you.”

Again, I await rejection, but all he says is… “All right. When you’re ready.”

Will I ever be?