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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.

Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!

36. His Choice

Rating 5/5   Word Count 523   Review this Chapter

“What?”

His voice is filled with no emotion but shock. I bite my lip.

I knew this would happen. I expected him to wait a little longer, to spend some time with me, but it’s really only the fact that I’m a hopeless case he finds attractive. I know that.

I explain, however, softly.

“I love you. That’s what I didn’t want to say. At first, I didn’t believe it myself, and then I didn’t want to say it.”

“Why not?” he demands. I look into his face, savoring it for what may be the last time. He’s a beautiful man, his skin a rich, deep color, his features strong and straight, his eyes gleaming.

“I was afraid. I still am… I don’t know why.”

I’m afraid to lose you because it’s better to have some of you than none at all, because I need you beside me even if I can’t call you my own.

“You don’t need to be afraid of me,” he says tenderly. I want to laugh. If I even could be scared of him, would I be having this conversation at all? I can’t be afraid of Quil. I can’t live like that. It would be like fearing myself.

But I can see how this thought is terrifying him. He’s worked so hard to cure me of fear. I explain, “I’m not afraid of you. I guess I’m afraid… that this will change everything somehow? That you’ll not love me someday, that it’s going to be just like Kati and Sean. They were best friends for years, and then they went out for a week and haven’t spoken since. I’m scared, Quil, because I only feel safe when you’re around.”

The truth seems to make him sad. “That’s one thing you should never be afraid of. Being imprinted on kind of guarantees that it’ll last forever. I will never love anyone else.”

That’s not what I want! I want him to love me because he loves me, not because of some magic he never chose. I couldn’t bear his choices being taken away. I know how that feels. And I could never want that for him, even if it means I get him forever.

“And I know that, but it’s hard to believe, that anyone could love me. What’s special about me?”

The question is a test. If he says something about the imprint, I’ll have to explain to him, that I won’t take away his free will, that I want him to chose who he should love. And I’ll leave. If he answers this question wrong (or right, maybe?) I’m gone.

He doesn’t.

“Everything. You’re brave, and smart, and kind. You never ask for anything. You have something special inside you that nothing can crush. And you’re the most beautiful girl… the most beautiful woman… that I’ve ever had the pleasure to see. I love you, Claire, and I always will. Imprinting isn’t reversible. I love you. I swear that I always will. I can’t help it.”