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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.


Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!


56. Yours

Rating 5/5   Word Count 645   Review this Chapter

“Claire,” he whispers gently. “Claire.” He’s saying my name over and over again, with this strange air of… relief, worship, pain. Some combination of the three. I feel the regret start up again.

I hurt him so much. I’ll never forgive myself for it. I broke him. I’m only realizing that now, now that I’m back, just what he went through while we were apart. I change the subject. I bring up something both of us want to think about, something happy, hopeful, beautiful. And so possible. That’s better. Easier. And it feels right.

“Just think, Quil. Soon, I’ll be Claire Ateara… that sounds so nice. I like it better than Claire Uley. I never really got used to that.”

My attempt to make him feel better worked. I am rewarded with a smile. “Dr. Claire Ateara. I like it a lot.”

He smiles wider and I grin back.

Funny, how things change. There was a time when I had to change my name, as I’d just referenced. The thought of having his name, being tied to him, was so terrifying. I couldn’t hear the word. I had to steal another’s title lest I be thought of as his.

And now, willingly, happily, I’m choosing to belong to Quil. Everything in me says this is exactly the way things should have been all along. It’s incredible, just how much he’s healed me, that I can take his name, that I can so publicly and clearly call myself his without being paralyzed with fear. Instead of terror, the thought fills me with joy, a girlish giggliness.

I’m going to be Quil’s wife. And it’s going to be wonderful. Whether or not it’s right to give into what we both want… who cares? I get to spend the rest of my life with him, doing my best to make him happy, to not hurt him anymore.

And then I catch sight of his expression.

While I was thinking, Quil had been too. Only his train of thought had been different. Painful. He’d been dwelling on that terrible time, so recently, that we were apart.

I can see the doubt in his face. He’s torturing himself, imagining how things would have been.

He doesn’t know that Josh didn’t make a mistake, he made a decision. He doesn’t know why I left him in the first place.

I sigh. “Stop it,” I mutter. “I know what you’re thinking, and it isn’t true. I love you.” I’m very firm with the last words.

He doesn’t seem to believe me. “Thank you,” he says, nonetheless.

For a moment, we are peacefully silent. He looks at the ring on my hand and a grin spreads across his face. I can tell he likes to see it there, the very visible symbol that I’ve dedicated myself to him.

It really isn’t as scary being engaged as I thought it would be. In fact, I find myself completely unafraid of the concept. I kind of like it. Maybe being married will be this easy.

“Shall we set a date?”

He smirks. “Greedy for another ring, are we?”

“You know me too well,” I retort.

“How about this summer?” he suggests.

“Sooner. The spring, I always thought weddings should be in spring. We’ll have to hurry… but I think you’ve done enough waiting.”

“Thanks,” he says, sounding shocked.

Well, he’s waited twenty-five years already. I don’t think a little rushing now will kill him.

I rest my head on his warm shoulder and smile. I can tell he’s happy now. Even if this isn’t right, even if he should be choosing to love some other girl, he wants this, he wants me.

And he deserves it.