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Being Her

Summary:
A series of one-shots in Claire's perspective throughout the series For Her.

Notes:
Um, will not go in any order. they come as i get bored enough to write them. PSSSTTT if you want a new story, go review with her!

62. Bella iii

Rating 5/5   Word Count 544   Review this Chapter

“I understand. I understand better than you’d think, Claire. I love Edward… and now, I may look to you like I deserve him. But I was a human once, too. And believe me, I knew I wasn’t enough. Compared to him, him and all his absolute perfection, I was nothing. Worse than nothing. I felt like an inconvenience. A burden. I wanted nothing more than to be changed and deserve his love, and I knew it was nothing less than justice when he left.”

But… “You do deserve him. He loves you.” For real. With his actual choice, his informed and free will. Not like Quil.

“Now, maybe, I’m good enough to be beside him. I look the part, at least. I will never be as selfless and kind as he is. But I’ve come to accept that, at least some. The insecurity, the way it weighs on me, so heavily, like it’s crushing me, pushing down on me from all sides. That’s lightened a little. For whatever incomprehensible reason, out of all the women in the world he chose me. Me. He wants me. Me. And who am I to deny him what he wants? Does a little mistake here or there even the ground between us? Does his perfection make him somehow too good for me, so he can’t have me? I can’t keep anything from him. I love him too much.”

Just like I don’t want to keep anything from Quil. I want so much to give him every bit of what he deserves, but I’m not strong enough. It still hurts to much to remember… “Wait. Did you catch that last thing I was thinking?”

“No.”

I can tell she’s telling the truth. “Good.”

“I guess my advice is to try to remember this is the way he wants it. Even if you don’t think it’s the right thing for him, he does. It’s easier for me, I suppose, since I know better than to try to make choices for Edward. Whenever the reverse happens, he packs up and leaves, and everyone knows how well that works for us.”

So I’m the worst out of all four of us. I don’t deserve him, I got his love without his choice, and I left him. Brilliant moves on my part.

She answers my thoughts. Slightly creepy, but at least she isn’t snooping into my secrets. “You can’t think like that… I know how hard it is. I know. But you can’t expect him to live without you. He doesn’t want to.”

“Yeah. Not making that mistake again… Thanks, Bella.”

“You’re welcome. Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure.” I guess she’s answered my prying questions and it’s my turn to return the favor. I expect her to ask about that, but she doesn’t.

“Do you know how Jake’s doing?”

I’m kind of confused, but I answer. “Jacob? Insanely happy. Like all the imprinted guys. He has absolutely no drama in his life. I like to think Quil and I are at least a little more interesting than that. All he and Alia do is stare into each others’ eyes.”

Her smile is brilliant. “Glad to hear it.”