Just another version of what happened in the foreast when edward left * sniff* :(
All i own is me my self and I... OH! and the plot.... sort of
Rating 5/5 Word Count 944 Review this Chapter
I wake up to the grim, cloudy, rainy day that is the usual everyday life in small town Forks. I look at my clock. The digital red numbers read 4:27 A.M. It seems that I wake up everyday at around 4:30 A.M. no matter how late at night I sleep, and I usually sleep late. No matter how hard I try, I can't go to sleep. I stay awake all night, brooding, thinking, reminiscing the days before he left me 1 month, 2 days, 10 hours, 49 minutes, and 37 seconds ago. I keep track of the time, so that I don't forget my purpose : to die soon, to wait for my Edward in Heaven, for such an angel deserves to go to Heaven. Hell isn't even a possibility for him. If God considers sending him to Hell for even the briefest second, He will find me at his doorstep, ready to fight till the ends of time, just to make sure that he gets into Heaven. Of course, if the Almighty is gracious, which I've heard He is, Edward will never die, and he will move on peacefully, ( if he hasn't already, which he probably has ), to live a happy, joyous, and wonderful life.
I remember the days when Alice used to torture me by taking me to the malls in Seattle and Port Angeles. What I wouldn't give right now to see her, to touch her, to even spend hours upon hours shopping with her. It just goes to show how desperate I really am to know that my vampires were real, to know I used to have someone who loved me, doesn't it?
I decided to get up and get dressed. I put on a pair of jeans and Washington University sweatshirt. Washington University was where he had wanted me to go for college, if I got in. Either that, or Princeton, or Yale. Washington University was my favorite, because it wasn't that sunny there, so Edward could go out more in the daytime, and it was close to what I used to call home.
I ate a fruit and nut granola bar, even though I wasn't hungry. I was never hungry anymore. It seemed that along with Edward, my appetite, the little looks I used to have, my emotions, and my rosy blush, had gone. You could almost mistake me for a real vampire now. I barely ever ate, I stayed up almost all night out of lack of sleep, and when I did sleep, it was a restless, fitful sleep, from which I awoke at 4:30 every morning, screaming bloody murder, twisted and tangled in my sheets, and drenched from head to toe in sweat. The only things that marked me as a human were the few times I ate as little as possible, my blood, my clumsiness, and my lack of the ethereal beauty vampires have. The little beauty I used to have was gone, now replaced by a gaunt, haunting, shallow face. My eyes seemed sunken into my head, with heavy black and purple bruise like bags under them. My face was as pale as a vampires, but nowhere close in beauty. My warm, sparkling, shining eyes were gone, now left with a dull, sullen, lifeless brown stare. My once lustrous, heavy, chocolate brown hair was now a weak, limp, lifeless, and stringy dull brown. I looked like a zombie.
After breakfast, I went back to my room and tried to pass the endless time by reading poems. I picked up a thin green book by Emily Dickinson and started to read. The first few were ordinary and boring. But hey, what wasn't boring to me now? Then, when I was nearing the end, about 50 pages into the book, I came upon a poem that stirred something in my long dormant heart.
The heart asks pleasure first,
And then, excuse from pain;
And those little anodynes,
that deaden suffering;
And then, to go to sleep;
And then, if it should be
The will of its Inquisitor,
The liberty to die.
OH. MY. GOD. That one poem described my life so perfectly, it was scary. Just then, I recognized the small emotions that were stirring in my heart. It was pain, and sadness, and grief, and anger. That one poem sent the broken pieces of my life into the wind. I felt huge amounts of emotions boiling, and I took them out the only way I could. I through the book to the ground and rushed out side. Of course, being me, I tripped on my way down the stairs , but that didn't stop me. I burst out of the house, and ran into the woods behind Charlie's house. I ran until I could run no more, tripping and falling countless times. Only then did I give into the pain waiting to engulf me. I was crying before I knew it, and screaming to the cloudy sky.
" Why, Edward, why! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME! LOOK AT ME NOW! THIS IS HOW YOU WANTED ME RIGHT? WELL TOO BAD BUDDY! CAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU GET! YOU KNEW I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU, CANT BREATH WITHOUT YOU, CANT FUNCTION PROPERLY, and yet, look at me now, I'M BROKEN, GODDAMMIT! ALL OF THIS BECAUSE OF YOU! Why, Edward, why?"
I broke off of my screaming tirade, and started to mutter softly, "why, why, why did you leave me? What did I do wrong? Why Edward, why?" I lay there, sobbing uncontrollably, muttering incomprehensible things, even to my own ears, when I was the one saying them.