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The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.


Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.


14. Chapter 14

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And the door is open.

I look down at her face.

There is an audible “clank” as the rest of the universe falls away and splatters into pieces on the ground- because in the wake of seeing her, nothing, nothing else matters. Nothing else can matter.

Never in my life, never, have I seen someone so beautiful. And yet that is not even the first part of my reaction to Emily Young.

She is the center of my universe. I know that much. It’s obvious that the reason I was born, the reason I was given life and the power to phase and so much else besides was so I could be with her—no, not even that.

So that I could be hers. I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to make this woman happy, I know that much.

I never want anything more.

She smiles, uncertainly, and my eyes widen. She is so lovely. I’ve never seen an expression as perfect as that smile. “Hey. I’m Emily.”

“Emily.” It’s a perfect name- for a perfect woman. I can hear the heat in my voice as I whisper it. It fits just right in my mouth, just like her beautiful face would fit in my too-large hands.

“You must be Sam? Leah’s fiancé, right?”

“Right.” Shit. Leah.

At the thought of her, of marrying her, a growl stirs up from somewhere inside me. The idea is nauseatingly wrong. And I know why.

Old Quil’s advice rings in my ears. “It will do what it wants, when it wants. And when it finds the one it wants, you will break Leah’s heart- like this”

I should have listened to him… before Leah and I…

Leah is pregnant. With my child. And I know now that I won’t marry her, that I can’t, that I’m in love with someone else. I’m going to abandon her, just like she feared. “Em… Emily, Leah’s right through there,” I gasp, barely managing the words. “I have to run out. Please tell Leah I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“All right,” she agrees pleasantly, though there is a hint of confusion in the depths of her dark brown eyes. As I run out the door, she calls, “Nice to meet you, Sam!”

Nice to meet you too, Emily. Very… nice.

Holy Hell in a handbasket, do I have some issues to sort through. What am I doing? What do I even want? And how am I going to get it?

The wolf inside me answers the second question. It wants… I want Emily to be happy. No matter what it costs me or anyone else.

Now, what will make her happy? That’s something of a difficult question, since I don’t know anything about her.

I am furious, mostly at myself, partially at circumstance. I phase easily, not even thinking about it. It’s almost disconcertingly easy to find my other shape, to change my very nature in a mere moment.

And I run. My feet pad against the floor as thoughts whirr through my head.

One thought, specifically.

Emily. Emily. Emily. Emily.

Her name. Her face.

And the fact that I love her.