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The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.


Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.


17. Chapter 17

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“Emily,” I whisper hoarsely, “Listen to me.”

Her voice, her perfect voice, her voice like the rush of water over rocks and the chirping of a single bird on an early summer morning, is harsh and cold. It is a voice made for words of love, for chasing children and most of all for laughter. This cruelty does not belong in that voice.

“What did you to Leah? She says the wedding’s off. What did you do to her, Sam Uley?”

I marvel at the sound of my name. I never thought it could be wonderful. I never thought my own name would be beautiful. But in her sweet words, it is.

Although I should be horrified at her anger, I’m getting sidetracked. She says my full name, in anger, and I catch myself wondering whether or not, if she ever consented to marry me, she would take my name.

Emily Uley. Even in my own mind, it sounds beautiful, be cause I hear it in her voice, like a song, forever stuck in my head.

“I left her,” I explain, and my voice sounds so harsh. She draws back. “Emily… I don’t know how I can say this, Emily. I loved Leah. Emily, I still do. But from the moment I saw you, Emily, I knew the only way I could ever be happy is if… you are happy. I don’t know how this can be, but I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I don’t know how it’s possible, but that’s the way it is.”

She whirls around, furious. “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” she hisses, her voice taught with anger. She isn’t screaming. In fact, the accusation is almost a whisper. But she is horrendously mad.

I never would have thought sweet Emily possessed so much anger. But I realize now that it’s part of what makes her the wonderful person she is. That she defends her own like this, that she sacrifices what she may very well want, that she puts aside her own nature all for her cousin’s cause- that is the reason I realize that she is not just perfect, not just the woman I am forced to love, but the person I want to be with forever.

“Let me explain,” I whisper, because I have to tell her the truth, so she will understand her, so that she may forgive me. Around she spins again.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Please. I want to make you happy, Emily.”

“Go make Leah happy. That’s where you belong.”

“Please…”

“Stay away from me,” she commands, and I have no choice but to obey, running alone into the woods.

Funny, how I keep ending up here, unable to restrain my fury, galloping through this same forest. Maybe because it’s the only place I can be myself.

Maybe because I’ve been lying, because my self isn’t the man I think I am. It’s this oversized monster sprinting beneath the trees with none to comfort him.

To comfort me.

Because there is no disconnect. The wolf and the man- they are one.

They are me.

And we are alone.