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The Lonely Wolf

To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.

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21. Chapter 21

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“Oh, Leah…” I begin.

“My decision, Sam. I’d prefer you don’t call that choice into question, all right? Because frankly that would be just about the most unfair thing I can comprehend. I am not going to raise the child of the man I love alone.”

“You wouldn’t have to.”

“Yes, I would. Because you’re so damn busy chasing after Emily like a lovesick puppy-“ I try not to snort at the irony- “that you’d never have time for the family you left behind. I am not capable of raising a child in a healthy way. I’m angry, I’m bitter, and I’m broken. There are some people who do a good job as single parents. Billy Black. Mrs. Call. But I can’t. I won’t, Sam. And don’t expect me to be sorry because I got myself out or the hopeless situation you landed me in.”

“I’m not going to. Leah… Leah, I’m so sorry you had to do that. I would have tried to be there for you. You know that.”

I always wanted a family. And I could have had one. Now I’ve lost it… and I’ll probably never get another shot at it. The only woman I’ll ever want is Emily, and she won’t look twice at me.

This was my last chance.

“You would have tried. But even on the rare occasions you did show up in our lives, you’d always be thinking about her, about whatever else is going on with you that you can’t tell me. I know that.”

“Maybe, Leah… but don’t you think this is kind of extreme?”

“Not for me. Excuse me, Sam. I have to go.” She turns away, and I stop her again. She looks up at me, furious.

For a second, I remember how beautiful I used to think she was when she’s angry. I can still see the familiar features, the lines of her face I once loved. I can even feel the same emotions.

But they don’t mean anything.

I sigh and do what I have to.

I can tell Leah’s lying to me. She wouldn’t raise this kid alone. Her overly helpful little brother Seth would play with him. Sue Clearwater would take on the world for her child. I’m slightly surprised she hasn’t come after my blood already—probably because she’s an elder. She knows the truth.

But that wouldn’t stop her from helping Leah. And Leah has to still have some trust in me. She’d expect better of me than this… than what I’ve done.

It’s cruel and manipulative and heartless, but I have to find out the real reason. Briefly, I close my eyes, and then open them. I look directly into hers.

She gulps. “Sam… let me go,” she says weakly.

My voice is low. “No. Leah, tell me why.”

For a moment, there is silence. Other shoppers gather around to stare interestedly. Most of them know us. I recognize Charlie Swan, Billy’s friend, out of the corner of one eye. Finally, Leah speaks. “You want to know?”


She yanks her arm out of my grasp with sudden strength and whirls around. I’m surprised she could break my hold. “You want to know why. Well, I did it because if we’re having a baby, it actually requires my being in the same room as you, and that just hurts me too much. I never want to see you again. I can’t take the heartbreak.” She stares back at my shell-shocked expression. “That’s why, Sam. I’m leaving now. Don’t try this again.”

“Leah, I’m-“

She’s gone before the word can leave my lips. But I whisper it anyway.