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The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.

Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.

23. Chapter 23

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But after all, it’s exactly what I deserve. A perfect comeuppance.

“Sam Uley. I will tell you why. Every single reason.” Her glorious eyes spit fire at me. “You are not mine. I do not want you. I do not love you.”

The tremors begin in my legs and arms. Oh, no. I hadn’t expected this. I’m so new to this dual existence that I hadn’t thought to safeguard myself and her from the danger I pose. But I’m trembling. “Emily, stop.” I can’t wait for anymore words. Or I’ll hurt her.

She doesn’t listen. “You wanted me to tell you. That is exactly what I’m going to do. Now shut up and listen. I will never be with you, Sam. Never. How could I? Do you know what you’ve done to Leah? She’s practically my sister, and because of you she’s breaking into pieces. While I watch, helpless, and know it’s my fault. Whatever I did that made you do… this. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand you. And-“ she raises a hand, cutting off my protest. “I don’t want to. I’m not interested in whatever excuse you plan on feeding me, because I’m not going to be talked out of this. I don’t want you to chase after me like this. I don’t want you at all, and I never will.

“I could never. You broke Leah’s heart, Sam, and I’ll never forgive you for it. Until the day you die, I will hate you.”

Those are the words that destroy me. Conscious thought is gone, and the flame is burning, burning, changing me from shape to shape. As she speaks, I twist, I burn, I am on fire.

“Emily. Please.”

“No, Sam. Do I have to say it again, to get you to stop asking? You’re never going to give up, are you? Well, I guess I have no choice. I never thought I’d say this. I’m not this kind of person. But in your case, it’s true.”

She turns to me, her eyes leveled directly at mine while I convulse helplessly, trying my absolute hardest to maintain control. The fire is burning, shaking through me. The catalyst of her cruelty is the most potent yet, and it is so hard to resist. Yet I cannot afford the pain of hurting her. I adore her. I am hers. How could I destroy that which I love so completely? And destruction is all that other form is capable of.

No, I am not a monster, to take down the most beautiful thing in the world because it is not mine. I am a man, and I will adore her even from afar.

“I love you, Emily.”

And with that last mistake, she gives up on me. She says it. Her words are daggers and she throws them at me, one by one. The spit lands on my face, and her eyes swell with tears of rage and loathing. “I hate you, Sam,” she hisses at me.

I explode.