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The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.

Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.

30. Chapter 30

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“You look beautiful,” I murmur in her ear, and she blushes. I watch her cheeks flood with color. Well, one of them, anyway… the other is still covered in a large bandage.

“Honestly, Sam. You don’t need to lie like that. I might have been reasonably attractive at one point, but I’m definitely not pretty anymore.”

My heart breaks at her words. She sounds as though she truly means it. Before, when she talked about my choosing, her or Leah… I didn’t realize then, but I do now. She doesn’t believe how lovely she is. I reach to touch her face, the side I haven’t destroyed. “Emily. Emily. Look at me, dear.”

She turns. Her eyes are full of unshed tears.

Though she is the second woman I’ve ever dated, I’ve known lots of girls. My friends all have sisters, and Leah’s friends from school used to take great pleasure in humiliating me whenever they hung out together.

And I still don’t understand their immense need to believe themselves inferior to everyone else. Leah was like this too, always incredibly insecure.

I quell the thought that protests I reinforced those insecurities. This is not the point. It’s my Emily time.

“You are beautiful. You always were. What I did to you…I am sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. But it doesn’t change a thing. You are no less breathtaking now then you were before, and I love you just as much. I love you more. Do you really think that of me? That I might… that I would love you less because of my own damn mistake?”

“I don’t know what to think, Sam,” she confesses. Angrily, she wipes away the tear that’s filling the corner of her eye. “I don’t know that I can trust you to stay with me.”

“I promised, didn’t I?”

“You promised Leah, too. You were going to marry her, and then one day you couldn’t stand the sight of her anymore and you’re chasing after her best friend all the time.”

“I thought we talked about this. Emily, dearest Emily, I love you. I cannot… I can’t ever look away from you. You’re everywhere to me. You’re everything I see. You’re the world. In my eyes, you are. I adore you.”

“Because you imprinted on me.”

“Yes. And also because you’re everything I wanted but didn’t know myself enough to ask for. You are perfect for me, in every way. And I love you.”

“I… love you too.”

I smile at her and take her hand. And then it hits me. Like a ton of rocks on the head, an impact I would swear I can actually feel.

“What?” I choke. It actually hurts, how much I want her to have said what I think she just did.

“I love you too.”

I pant for breath. My head swims. I see stars and circles and Emily’s eyes.

She looks at me cautiously. “Are you all right?”

“I’ve never been better,” I whisper, and lean towards her.