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The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.


Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.


32. Chapter 32

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Despite the issues in my personal life being finally resolved, I’m still a bit taken aback by the whole wolf gig. I have to work, for example. I have to put in a lot of effort to keep it going. I’m not going to college, ever, that’s for sure. I don’t have that as an option any longer.

I’m not leaving this place. Not while there’s a big gang of leeches right outside the borders. I have to stay here and do my duty. I have to protect.

Old Quil Ateara explains the treaty to me. Sounds like a bad idea, but one wolf can’t exactly deal with all those vampires. I’ll have to wait. Because soon others will be phasing too.

I try to shake off that morbid thought with another burst of speed added to my feet. Instead, I thought of something else. Of Emily. My beautiful, beloved, perfect Emily. She is an angel, an angel come to earth. She is the epitome of everything.

So good. It simply shines out of her, the kindness, the sweetness.

I never would have chosen her. I would have married Leah, gone on to live a happy enough life empty of everything. But I never would have known what I was missing… her. I would always have wanted her, even if I’d never admitted it. We’re made for each other, two halves of a whole, perfect. Soul mates. Sounds like a stupid legend, but I really think it’s true. Emily and I are meant to be together, forever.

I hate myself for it, for the marks on her face, but she’s healing, slowly but surely. She will be fine. Marked forever, yes, scarred, changed, but no less radiant in my eyes. It wounds me that she could think it. I love her for what is within, not for how she looks.

And however she does look is how I define beauty now. This imprint has changed everything, for me. It has made everything synonymous with Emily. Emily.

A beautiful name. Worthy of the one who holds it.

Emily.

I truly regret what I did to Leah, but the guilt is reserved for the biggest crime of all, the biggest crime possible. I destroyed my angel with my own two hands in a single moment of senseless hate. That, of all things, is the most unforgivable. Every other sin I’ve committed pales in comparison to that one.

I hurt her.

No matter what else.

Worst of all.

I hurt her.

How am I to ever forgive myself?

I sigh, an exhalation of breath that feels strange on my unfamiliar jowls, and break into a full-out sprint. I’m just moving past Emily’s house- I go by it every day an extra time, to make sure she’s safe- when I hear something utterly unexpected. It rings in my ears, breaking the silence of wind and bird, rustling leaves and soft water in the distance, and leaving a portent in its wake.

What the hell is going on?