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The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.


Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.


4. Chapter 4

Rating 4/5   Word Count 541   Review this Chapter

There are two paths. They stretch before me as clearly as the diverging trails through this apparently endless wood.

First, I will again find myself.

From there, there are several potential tangents. I could return to Leah. Maybe this will never come upon me again. I could never go back… but I’m getting off-topic.

Second, I will be a wolf forever… and a man never.

The thing I don’t like about these options is that they aren’t. They are possibilities, not choices. And I have always liked choices. Nothing works better for me than making a plan and sticking to it… and right now I don’t have a choice. I am at the whim of the beast. My entire life centers around what the caprice of some proto-mystical mammal living inside me chooses to do, whether to retreat or overcome me entirely. I have no choice.

I can’t make myself turn back. I can’t. There is nothing I can do.

I run. It is the only thing I can control. I simply move the feet in that wonderful rippling pattern, going faster than I ever imagined possible, feeling so fantastically alive in the way that Sam Uley of the lists and plans and colleges could never have experienced… no. I can’t.

No. I will not.

No. I will not stay like this! I will not like this! I should not do this. I have become, mysteriously, a monster, and I will not stand for it. I will not tolerate it. I will not look on the bright side. It is utterly unacceptable. This is not an option.

Option. Ha! I don’t have any, remember?

Might as well do what I can with what I have, specifically, this strange new body. Not human. Not normal. But strangely invigorating.

I look down, realizing I am a black wolf. Strange. There isn’t any such thing, so far as I know… perhaps werewolves are the exception.

I shudder in rage and hatred for the word. Werewolves. It’s a kind of monster, loathed and feared. I’m not a monster, I’m a person. I’ve known myself all my life!

I, the former Sam Uley, was utterly normal, until the day I woke up and turned into an oversized canine…

This is ridiculous. There has to be something I can do. I close my eyes and review the legends…

“The love he felt for his people, and the hatred he felt for their oppressor, were to great for the wolf’s body. Then the greatest magic happened…”

Taha Aki became a man once more. Yes. Yes! I can do it. If only I can find the way to lose my rage, this just may work. If the legend is true, which seems altogether likely, I can once again be a man. Now I just have to logic out how to do it… easier said than done.

I find the center of my spirit, searching for calm. It is futile. I am too overwhelmed with the emotions that keep me in this vast and monstrous form.

I grip the earth beneath my… paws… trying. And trying, and trying, and suddenly…