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The Lonely Wolf

To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.

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40. Chapter 40

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I pack up for the bonfire soon, too soon, after. “Jared, stick close,” I warn, and he rolls his eyes.

“Ugh, why?”

“Because I don’t want you to phase and rip someone’s face off, that’s why,” I say, intentionally very, very calm. I’m trying to set a good example, after all.

He sighs. “Oh. You have a point.”

“Jared, I want you to listen to me for a second, all right?”

For a second, he’s silent, and then nods. “All right.”

“I am the Alpha. If I tell you something when we are phased, you literally have no choice but to obey. You have to do as I order you. When we’re human, I have authority. I’m technically the chief of the whole tribe now. There will be times, when we’re in battle, when there’s danger, that I’ll give an order and expect you to follow it right away. However… I don’t want to be… to overuse that authority. I would rather not abuse the power I have, especially when we’re phased. I’m kind of uncomfortable with the whole idea, actually. So if I’m being a total asshole, please just tell me and I’ll cut it out.”


“On the other hand, if I tell you to do something, chances are I have a good reason. Tonight, for example. You’re very, very new. You have much more self-control than I did at your age- because you aren’t figuring it all out by… by trial and error.”

A shudder runs through me at the thought of that mistake. And Jared sighs. “Right.”

“I want you to trust me, Jared. If I give an injunction, it’s for your safety, for the safety of everyone you know.”


“So don’t tell anyone what you are. Your mom and dad, obviously, know already. I think Billy told them even before you phased, that you’ve got the blood and were the right age. If you imprint,” I smile wryly here, “I could order you to keep it secret all day long and it wouldn’t do any good anyway. I’m not going to interfere with that. But I don’t want you spilling the beans to your buddies at school or the first girl you pick up at a dance, all right?”


“Appreciate it. C’mon, we ought to go.”

He follows me down the street. Our long, matched footsteps fall differently than they do when we run in the woods. It’s the same rhythm, just different legs. Weird. Of course, there’s nothing I can compare this too. We’re the only ones of our kind.

It’s a strange and lonely, but viciously fierce pride.

There’s a bunch of kids from Forks there. I wonder what it’s like to be so distant from the legends, to come from a world that’s the way I always thought mine would be.

One of them is Bella Swan, the Chief’s daughter. I regard her coolly. She smells sickly sweet, like the leeches. It reminds me of what I am, of why I must endure this.

I have to keep my people safe. My mom, though I can’t tell her, Leah, even though I’ve destroyed her heart, Emily, above all else.

I will endure all this for them.

Jared smiles, flirting, at a blonde girl who sneers at him.

Several other Quileute boys join us. Jacob Black, Embry Call, Quil Ateara, Seth Clearwater.

I look at them and wince. Four boys, four children. Out of them, three have as much wolf blood as I do. Of them, three will be running with me in time.

Maybe the Cullens will leave before Seth can turn. He’s just fourteen.

He glares at me across the fire. No doubt he hates me for what I did to Leah. Little does he know how different the emotions I feel are when I look at him.

I am terrified for Seth Clearwater. I’m sure he’d like to rip my guts out with his bare hands (he always loved his sister) but I feel no malice towards him.

I am only afraid.