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The Lonely Wolf

To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.

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5. Chapter 5

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“Sam!” A voice calls hysterically. “Sam, Sam!”

It’s her. Oh, God, no. She can’t come out here. She can’t find me like this. No, not my Leah. I’m a monster. I can’t let her find me like this!

I lumber away into the woods.

“SAM! Please, where are you? Sam! Sam?” Her tone grows more and more desperate as the intonation of my name continues. “Sam… Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam!”

I’m here, my Leah. Right here. What do you need?

My need is only stronger now. I have to find the calm. I have to…

No, I don’t. I have no needs, none at all. I am content. I am nothingness and naught. I have no urgency and no desires. I am like a current on the wave. I am simply blown in whatever path occurs, nothing more complex than that. I have no wants… and so nothing can be denied me.

It happens. The shift is far less dramatic this time. Rather than an explosion, it is a slow simmering down, back from huge monstrosity down into calm smooth nothingness. I breathe deeply and look down at my own familiar naked form.

“Leah?” I call. “Leah?”

She runs through the woods with her slow human feet toward me… and she is fast enough. “Sam? Are you all right?”

“I… I think so. I am now, any way.”

“Where were you?”

“I… don’t know. How did you find me?”

“I’ve been searching the woods all week!”
Had I been gone so long? Had my Leah spent so long wandering this dangerous place unprotected, alone? I had to shove the anger back down. “A week?”

“Yeah. What happened, Sam?” she asks, vulnerable love on her face. It is clear that she truly needs to know, that she wants to share it with me.

“I… I can’t tell you.”

She twirls the ring on her finger. “You said no secrets, Sam.”

“I know…” I whisper. “I know.”


I shake my head and step towards her, hoping she won’t shove me away in disgust.

“Sam, where are your clothes?”

I look down and realize it is a perfectly fair question. I am buck naked. “I have no idea.”

She groans. “If I were the guy, I’d lend you my over-sized shirt. Unfortunately, this is real life, not a romantic comedy, and I don’t carry excess clothing. Come on.”

“Where’s the car?”

She looks oddly at me. “Sam, we’re only a mile from the house, and that’s all through the woods. Does this ground look conducive to an automobile?”

She kicks at a loose rock, sending it skipping over the exposed roots.

“No,” I answer, confused. Could it have been so little length I flew? I thought I ran miles. Was it all a great circle?

Yes. That’s it. I am back where I began. Maybe I will never have to leave the starting point again.

I pray that is a possibility. And yet, even looking into Leah’s worried eyes, I find myself full of doubts. I don’t think it’s over, no matter how much I wish it could be.